17: Prophets and Liis Part Two

Prophets and Liis (Part Two)
Zanh Liis
71209.4
Following Part One
--=Inside Zanh's mind=--


(. . .continued)

It was a warm spring night, the term was almost over and all the trees were in bloom. The moons peeked over horizons, both east and west, and though the sky was black, their brilliance made it nearly as light as day.

Taking Liis a little ways away from the light of the torches lit outside the building, Jariel sat down on the grassy hill and looked up into the night, the stars. He patted the lawn beside him, and Liis sat down, one leg tucked beneath her.

"Educate me, oh Wise One." She said with a smile, and he clucked his tongue.

"Hush. You just might learn something."

Then he closed his eyes for a moment, apparently deep in meditative thought, and when he opened them once more, he looked different somehow. So calm, so peaceful, and Liis envied that peace. He had such control and discipline it seemed, and that was something that she sorely lacked.

He raised a gentle hand toward the sky, gesturing with an open palm toward the stars above.

"Up there, just beyond the ability of our naked eyes to see, lies the Celestial Temple where the Prophets dwell. They sent us the nine Orbs to guide us, to nurture and feed our Paghs, so that we might always have courage and never falter. They listen when we pray, they always hear us even if we can't see their answer in our lives at the time. They provide for all the needs of our spirits: rejoice with our triumphs and weep with our sorrows. Faith in the Prophets means never having to feel truly alone."

She had heard all the doctrine over and over many times since her childhood. Hearing it spoken with such conviction in his voice, though, made her feel as if she were hearing it all for the first time.

She stared into the heavens intently, trying with all her might to see what he saw with the eyes of his faith. But she was unable. All she could see were the millions of gleaming shimmers of light that seemed to beckon her. Calling her toward the sky overhead. To a life anywhere but on Bajor.

"But...how do you know they're there? What really is our Pagh anyway? Something that provides us with a higher consciousness? The knowledge that everything will be all right if we give our lives over to their wishes? What?" she asked softly once he'd finished speaking. He sighed a little, trying to think how to phrase his thoughts.

He never marveled at his own faith, it was just something that had always existed in him. He felt troubled for Liis that she did not have the same well of strength to draw on, and it made him feel more protective of her than ever. If she felt that she didn't have the Prophets protecting her, than she truly must feel as if she were really alone in the Universe. And that saddened him beyond words.

He placed his finger gently to his lips, gesturing to silencing her.

"Just sit here for a while. Look into the sky. Think about your life, and what has sustained you from the time you were small. Surely you don't think that you survived your childhood on your own strength."

"I know I didn't survive it alone. I had help."

"So the Prophets are real to you.” he concluded, folding his hands thoughtfully across his chest.

"No." Liis replied quietly.

He looked truly puzzled, bewildered by the seeming disconnect in her reasoning.

"But if..." This time, it was she who raised her hand to silence him.

"I have never felt close to the Prophets, Jariel. Never asked them for guidance, never hoped in them for protection. Kind of hoped if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone. But then, I didn't really need them." She turned away before finishing her sentence. "What did I need them for when I had you."

Her words were a statement, not a question, and Jariel felt a shiver run through him.

He was eighteen. Poised on the threshold of manhood. Here with her now, he felt great conflict within himself as he contemplated a life in the Vedek Assembly.

It wasn't that it seemed wrong: That his preparing to leave in the next few months for deep intense spiritual study was not the path he wanted for his life. It was just that leaving her behind did seem wrong. Knowing that she would already be gone to the Academy by the time he got back to Altaan...

...felt totally, miserably wrong.

Liis felt the heaviness in his heart like a physical chill, and it pulled her into silence as well. She continued staring at his face as he surveyed the moons in the distance. Never had she seen him go from such a calm state of mind to one so troubled. Finally he said something that gave her a dull, aching feeling in her chest.

"You'd better start looking to them for it now. I...won't always be within reach you know. As the old saying goes…”It is the unknown that defines our existence."

“It’s not the unknown that has defined my existence.”

She got up from the grass and walked a few steps away. Rubbing the cold flesh on her arms with her hands, she bit her lips to keep her teeth from chattering, feeling suddenly as if she were frozen.

"Liis. I'm sorry.” he said soon after, not moving from his position, feeling too dizzy to stand. He felt disoriented, random thoughts running through his head that he was fighting with all his might not to act on. The same three words kept ringing through his mind, though he knew it was ridiculous to give them a voice.

"Please don't go." he blurted at last, unable to keep them inside of him any longer. Liis turned around and questioned him with her eyes.

"What did you say?"

Jariel jumped up, and suddenly straightened the folds of his robe and stood with his shoulders back, struggling to regain his composure.

"You were walking away. Don't go before we finish studying."

Liis shoulders visibly sank.

"Oh." She looked at him sadly, and then turned away completely. "I…think we are finished."

With nothing more to say, she retreated into the darkness toward the sanctuary, not knowing that as Jariel leaned back against the tree, he was cursing himself for not finishing his original thought.

-=Flash=-

-=Three Months Later=-

Liis had managed to avoid Jariel completely since their discussion of faith under the tree that night. It had taken some doing in a place as small as the monastery at Altaan, but she'd done it.

She had immersed herself in her studies, even passing her philosophy final with flying colors after surprising Vedek Timal with her impassioned essay about the Prophets and what belief in them meant to the discovery of ones true Pagh. Of course, they weren't really her words, or feelings. She had borrowed them from a friend.

Now, Liis was hurrying to finish the table settings in the main dining hall for the events the evening would hold. The Gratitude Festival was always the most cheerful time of the year at the orphanage, one of the few times you could actually see most of the Vedeks wearing smiles, as if their burdens were a little lighter and their worries were fewer, even if only for a day or two.

Liis lit the candles in the middle of the largest table, and looked around the room. It shone brightly with the warmth of dozens more candles on tall, shining stands: there was more food on the tables this evening than any other given week contained the rest of the year.

It was a time for reflection. A time for happiness. For…well…gratitude. But Liis felt more apprehensive this year than grateful.

She lit the Baterat leaves, closing her eyes and breathing in their scent as the embers caught and spread their aroma through the room. She suddenly felt as if she were being watched, and opened her eyes, spinning on her heel, arms lifted into a self-defensive posture.

She lowered them slowly when she saw who it was behind her in the doorway.

"Peldor Joi, Zanh Liis."

She folded her arms over her chest and rocked back and forth on her feet, shifting her weight from heels to toes.

"Peldor Joi, Jariel Camen."

He looked so different since she'd last seen him. His hair had grown longer, forming deep, dark waves that fell just over his left eyebrow. His shoulders had broadened considerably, and he looked more handsome than she could ever recall.

Her heart skipped, and she straightened the skirt on her best dress, feeling very shy now under the weight of his gaze.

"I...brought these. From the Temple. In case more were needed." He moved toward her, indicating the bundle of Baterat leaves he held in his arms.

"Thank you. You can leave them on the altar." Liis replied, moving around the table, pretending to straighten the utensils and napkins so she didn't have to meet his eyes. He moved closer to her, stopping just behind her.

"Services aren't over yet. Aren't you supposed to be at Temple?" she asked. He smiled, but she was unable to see it, only distinguish it by the tone of his voice.

"Aren't you?"

"Well. Someone has to set the table. People are always extra hungry after Peldor services. Can't keep them waiting."

"I volunteered to bring these. I've heard enough Peldor discourses in my life, missing the end of this one won't kill me." his voice was a low whisper, and Liis had to strain to hear his words. "I had something else to take care of besides the leaves."

"Oh?" She said casually, still fussing with the table settings.

"Something that I need to do. That I should have done a long time ago."

"Sounds important." she said, feeling nervous about him being so near. He'd moved so close behind her now that she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.

"It is." He reached out and grasped her arms gently with his hands from behind. Liis closed her eyes, clenched her fists and suddenly found that she was stuttering for the first time in years.

"I...I'm l-l-leaving you know."

The words stopped Jariel cold, and he released his grasp.

“I didn't."

"At the end of the week. I was granted early admission to the Academy. I leave for Earth in four days."

"You weren't going to say goodbye." he said, sounding genuinely hurt by the thought. “Were you?”

"That's just it. I don't think I can say goodbye to you. I figured they'd tell you after I left. I was going to leave you a letter."

"A letter. After all these years?"

"What does it matter, Camen? You're leaving just after I do. You won't be here to miss me."

"I won't be here,” he began. "But I will miss you Liis. More than you know."

He put his hands on her shoulders and tried to turn her around. She resisted.

"Please look at me. It's been so long since you looked at me. I need you to tell me that," he stopped.

"Tell you what, Camen? What do you want me to tell you?" she shrugged. "What is there to say?"

"I don't know. Maybe we've always said too little, or too much, or just the wrong things entirely. None of that matters anymore, Liis. Do you know what does?"

"What?"

"Nothing but this." Suddenly he'd placed his hands on her face, leaned into her, and kissed her.

The intensity of the emotions they'd buried for so long left Liis weak and dizzy. She stumbled backwards, and he steadied her gently, refusing to let go. Without thinking, she found herself throwing her arms around his neck as she returned his slow, deep kiss.

She finally pulled away as she heard voices approaching from the hall outside. Services were over, and dozens of hungry people were about to fill the room.

They jumped a step back from each other and stood motionless, simply staring. His eyes offered her an unspoken apology. He saw the emotions that his kiss had brought to the surface in her, and they seemed to be causing her such pain.

As people filled the room, they knew that there would be no more time to talk about this now. A swarm of orange robed Vedeks soon surrounded Jariel, and he threw his arms up toward Liis in a silent, hopeless gesture, his face a perfect portrait of misery.

Trying to smooth over the moment as their silence began to draw attention, Liis cleared her throat and spoke up at last.

"Thank you for bringing the Baterat leaves, Vedek Jariel."

"Vedek Jariel! The girl is getting a little ahead of herself here. He's not a Vedek yet, young Liis." Timal said, slapping Jariel on the back.

"Oh...but..." Liis managed a weak smile. "He will be. Soon enough."

"True. Now you'd better get back into the kitchen Zanh Liis. There is food to be served!" Timal instructed, and Liis complied with a nod of acknowledgment.

As she hurried from the room, she heard a single sad, familiar voice calling her name above the noise of the revelers.

"Peldor Joi, Zanh Liis!" he shouted, but she knew what he really meant.

She stopped at the door to the kitchen and looked back, simply mouthing four words to him.

"I love you, too."

Later that night, when it came time to write down your greatest worry and burn it in the ceremonial fire, it didn't take Liis long to figure out what she was going to write down this year.

*How will I ever leave him? If you were ever planning to help me out…* she thought to the Prophets in a desperate, uncharacteristic plea, “Now would be a good time.”

-=Flash=-

Liis returned to consciousness as a fresh wave of pain swept over her, and she found she was becoming shorter of breath with every inhalation she attempted.

Twenty linear years had passed since the night she had just remembered and countless others lived out of order, working for TI. Somehow, it seemed, even after all that had happened to them both, she was still fighting to try to find her way back to Jariel.

*You didn't help me then,* she thought bitterly about the Prophets, *So I suppose there's little point in asking you to help me now.*



Captain Zanh Liis
In and out of consciousness
Somewhere on Aertok