1006: Yes or No Will Suffice

by Rada Dengar and Salvek
91225.2100
The Morning After Every Lock, Save One

-=Base Camp on Sibalt=-


Salvek’s eyes blinked open, and the chill in the air immediately caught his attention. No, it wasn’t just a chill, it was cold. He got to his feet, and noticed how bright the early morning light appeared to be. Pulling on his boots, he pushed the front of the tent open, and saw white as far as the eye could see.

About thirty centimeters of pure white snow had replaced the heat and rain of yesterday, glistening in the light of Sibalt’s star, as it emerged over the horizon.

Salvek trudged through the snow to the small mound that had been the location of the previous evening’s fire. As he looked around, he saw no other footprints in the snow. Indeed, he was that first person up this morning. For the sake of safety, Salvek had completely extinguished the fire before turning in last night. A fact he now lamented. If he had left even a few hot embers to smolder over night, the snow would not have collected here, and he would easily be able to restart the fire with the small pile of wood he had left beside it.

He felt it important to uncover the wood and restart the fire as quickly as possibly. He did not want to think of the consequences of the Captain waking up to bitter cold with no fire to warm herself at, let alone the likes of Landry Steele, Ashton Ledbetter, and Dabin Reece.

Salvek uncovered the fire area and pile of wood from the snow, using mostly his boot, and the cuffs of his shirt, which he had pulled over his wrists to keep his hands from developing frostbite. The top of the pile was wet, but underneath there was still some dry wood and kindling. After several minutes of preparation and rubbing, Salvek produced a small wisp of smoke followed by a flame. He set the tiny burning piece beneath the kindling, and let it spread to start the full fire.

As the flame grew, the snow around the fire began to melt away.

“Are you serious?” The unmistakable and angry voice of his wife filled Salvek’s ears. Kellyn was apparently the second person up this morning.

“Good morning Kellyn. Come warm yourself.” Salvek offered.

Kellyn growled and went back into her tent, looking for something warmer to wear. Salvek cleared off the log he had used as a bench last night, and lowered himself down to sit after stripping off the wet bark. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure approaching. Specifically, he saw the orange glow of the flames reflected in the whites of the man’s eyes, as if the fire knew exactly what was going on inside the mind of Rada Dengar.

Salvek turned to him, then slid down the log a bit, inviting Rada to be seated if he wished.

In silence the Angosian accepted the offered position. He gave only a nod to acknowledge Salvek as he sat down staring into the fresh flame slowly dancing before him. This alone struck Salvek as unusual; while Rada certainly could be regarded as a quiet man he’d always before at least have attempted a greeting or a verbal thanks for the welcoming to sit by him. Yet he sat now in silence, simply and only watching the fire.

It was true the lights, the heat and the elegance in this most simple yet powerful of reactions could be regarded by many as beautiful. From a great scientist struggling for understanding to a small child first discovering the wonder of the flame it could hold overpowering fascination. Certainly its life giving warmth could hold the rapt attention of any man who’d ever been truly cold. Yet watching him out the corner of his eye Salvek saw no hint of fascination in Rada’s face nor admiration of beauty in his eyes.

Even with what felt like the entire world around them frozen, Rada clearly found no great appeal to the heat. He didn’t even lean into the flame, instead just sitting back and hollowly observing it without interest or reason. Salvek soon began to consider the possibility that he wasn’t really watching it at all.

Sometimes, Salvek knew, when the mind’s eye was too fully watching a man’s concerns, the physical eye and the world it told of could be all too easily neglected. For some short times, especially in a controlled meditation, this situation could be regarded as desirable when one moved beyond simple concerns of the physical. Yet when control was lost a man was lost to his thoughts, and even if it was only just for a moment it could be the moment that mattered.

Here on Sibalt that could mean that his team lost a game. However when they were back on the ship it could mean disaster, and regardless of who or how many were hurt Rada wouldn’t be here as he was if not for the great toll that guilt could so forcefully take upon him. As of now Salvek was yet to see any reason to conclude that Rada was that far gone yet, but he had to be ever watchful for the worsening of the suffering he was facing as a result of his resequencing procedure.

Salvek could only speculate exactly what was passing through Rada’s mind at that moment. So little information was publicly available about what Rada must be going through. Salvek certainly had no way of knowing that he himself was the focus of Rada’s thoughts in this moment as he fought to hold onto memories like sands that slipped quickly through his fingers so fast he wasn’t sure they’d ever been there. So many memories felt like that still.

In particular Rada was replaying an image that had been haunting him of a look that fell on Kellyn’s face recently as he fought to recall other times he’d seen it. He knew that something had happened to Salvek. He just still couldn’t remember what it was and that was a thought that refused to leave him.

Finally, Rada’s attention seemed to be broken from the fire as deeply he took in a breath of air and then slowly exhaled as he turned his eyes down to the ground.

“Commander.” Rada started quietly, almost nervous to speak. “Last night I was speaking with Commander O’Sullivan about my recent experiences. He suggested that what I’m going through after my coma it…it might be like sort of like what happens after a resequencing procedure. Do you think that’s possible?”

With those words Salvek was momentarily more frozen than the planet around them as he wondered just what O’Sullivan may have said to him. Even if Keiran had said nothing of danger to Rada, as Salvek knew O’Sullivan well enough to know he would never intentionally have done, he still worried that now any honest answer he could give would be the one that broke Rada. At the same time he couldn’t lie to him.

Carefully, Salvek answered truthfully.

“I do believe it’s possible your experience could be comparable to that that follows resequencing. I am however not privy to significant detail about the recovery from the procedure.”

Rada paused with his answer and then looked up with haunting eyes that may have been probing to see if he was telling the truth or may have just been looking for answers. Then slowly Rada turned back to the fire and continued.

“I know that sometimes all the memories lost to resequencing can be regained if you remember some of them. I suppose it’s a little like this flame that just needed a few sparks to start it.” He indicated what had now grown into a decent fire before him. “Well, I have this memory that I think is about you. I was hoping, Sir, that you could help me remember it.”

Salvek paused, wearily considering the path Rada was asking him to walk or rather lead him along.

“I do not know what memory you are referring to so I am uncertain that my answers could be helpful.”

Rada seemed slightly disappointed, but he was not surprised.

“I understand that, Sir.” He acknowledged. “However, if I may I’d just like to ask you some yes and no questions.”

“You appear to require rest.” Salvek answered, trying not to answer at all. His response was honest if nothing else as Rada appeared to have gotten little if any sleep after his talk with O’Sullivan. “Is it truly important to ask me these questions now?”

As the memories of the day before played through Rada’s mind, he knew he could only give the one sincere and honest answer.

“Yes, Sir. I think it is.”

Though he could not lie, which Salvek feared was one of the reasons Rada sought him out specifically, he could exaggerate and embellish so long as he did not step outside the bounds of truth. Yes and no questions had a way of negating those tactics.

“Very well.” He said reluctantly.

“Did something terrible happen to you, recently? Something that would have prompted Lair Kellyn to turn over all the life’s work the two of you have compiled, for fear neither of you would ever return?”

“Yes.” Salvek answered.

“Was I aware of these events as they occurred? Was I present of the ship?

“Those are two questions.”

Behind the two of them Lair Kellyn was frozen at the entrance to the tent, straining to hear what the two men were saying, fearing that Rada Dengar’s abilities of deductive reasoning were about to pull the truth right out of her inherently truthful husband.

“Was I aware of these events as they occurred?”

“No.”

Rada seemed befuddled for a moment. Then he rephrased his question.

“Was I aware that something was wrong with you, even if I did not specifically know exactly what that thing was?”

“Yes.” Salvek answered reluctantly again.

“Than how could I possibly not remember what happened to you? I remember the look of terror on her face. I remember her telling me I had to take your work on if you and Kellyn could not. Something horrible happened to two people I consider friends and I cannot recall any of it? And I know this was long before my coma, because I can remember events before and after that.”

Salvek waited patiently, knowing Rada’s questions were rhetorical in nature now. The engineer was blowing off steam, so to speak. Trying to wrap his mind around everything he was hearing, and trying to come up with a reason why the most important people in his life suddenly seemed so evasive. As Rada spoke, Salvek noted Jariel in the distance, emerging from his tent and trudging through the snow.

“It must be a side effect of the events that caused you to lose your more recent memories.” Salvek chimed in finally, hoping Rada did not ask him to elaborate on what exactly the “events” were.

Rada’s eyes seemed to narrow on Salvek suspiciously as if accusing him of knowing more than he claimed.

“What could the...” Rada began before stopping himself, running his mind over this conversation and becoming keenly aware how only one type of questions were really getting straight answers out of the Vulcan.

“I believe I understand something about my memory loss, Commander.” Rada observed. “It’s not random. You see when I look at a memory like the one I have of when you were hurt there are some small gaps but there’s always one large gaping hole dead centre. It’s like that memory was the target and the rest were just accidental casualties. In the case of this memory I had thought the target was you but I realise now I was wrong. It was your research. It was the one moment of my being given responsibility for this incredible technology for which I have no remaining shadow of a memory.” Rada paused, taking on a firmer tone than Salvek had ever known him to use before. “Yes or no, Commander, do you know of any way that that and the recent lost events could be associated?”

Salvek suddenly realised he was trapped; knowing not to answer would be effectively no different from answering honestly.

“Yes.” Salvek said with extreme reluctance, not adding a single word that was unnecessary for each carried with it a great danger.

Rada actually looked offended, almost indignant, with this answer that told him clearly that Salvek had been hiding something all along. Rada had run over it again and again in his head trying to find the connection and there wasn’t one, at least not to the events as he’d been told them. Salvek had been choosing to keep something from him that could be the key to all of this and Rada was unwilling to consider he may have had a single good reason for it. In that moment his entire demeanour changed as suddenly he was considering that he was perhaps not as among friends as he believed.

“How?” Rada snapped with clear frustration which was in truth overridden by his internal panic, showing a side of desperation Salvek had so rarely known in him.

Kellyn saw where this was going and began hurrying from the tent over to stop her husband’s truthfulness from revealing more than Rada could handle.

“I do not believe…” Salvek started but Rada had now run completely out of patience.

“I don’t care what you do not believe.” Rada cut him off as he started considering the implications of his apparent betrayal. “You and everyone else on the ship know something you’re not telling me. Don’t you?”

Salvek stayed still, unwilling to offer any response to this. Rada’s eyes again quickly narrowed, his focus so tight that it blinded him completely to the Vedek and Kellyn who’d now arrived by the fire. While once they’d been each unwilling to interfere now neither felt willing to hold back.

“Could I please talk to you, Commander?” Jariel asked of Salvek, knowing he had to get him out of this situation. Naturally Salvek took this opportunity.

“You know what really happened. Why won’t you answer?” Rada asked accusingly and again Salvek was silent as Jariel began leading him away from the flame.

“Rada, please...” Kellyn started insistently and though he heard her Rada’s eyes remained entirely locked on the retreating Salvek.

“Please, what?!” Rada asked quickly of all who were listening, suddenly snapping back to seeing the larger world again and seeming truly angry in a way he’d so often in the past feared to let anyone see. “Please just sit back and accept what I’m told? Please just play the role you’ve all written for me?”

Kellyn stepped into his eye line, speaking firmly but with eyes that seemed to plead, as she tried desperately to stop him before he was too far gone.

“Please just ask yourself why Salvek, why anyone on this ship, would want to hold something like this back from you.”

Rada tried instantly to answer that, spluttering for words, but he simply couldn’t find them. There were always explanations, there were always reasons, but for that brief time he’d simply stopped thinking of them. He was just so desperate for answers he'd forgotten that these were his friends.

He began to look at himself again, at his anger, and he knew that he was taking out what he was going through on the people he cared about most. Slowly his mood began to change and after a moment of silence he accepted that fact as he truly processed Kellyn’s genuinely sobering question. He took his head into his hands briefly before turning back up to face her, forcing back his composure.

“He wouldn’t. You wouldn’t.” Rada finally answered with quiet confusion, the rage now completely wiped from his tone as he really took in the expression on Kellyn’s face. “I mean… you wouldn’t want to. Not unless…you had to.”

Rada felt himself struck by the sudden powerful realisation. Almost with stinging shame he turned his head down to the ground and spoke softly, considering the position Salvek must have been in. “I’m sorry. I never should have asked him.”

Kellyn internally sighed with relief as she offered a sad sort of comforting smile while she took the now empty seat beside him.

“What should I do now?” Rada asked quietly, genuinely lost in this moment, unsure what this experience and the fear were really turning him into.

“There's still a bit of time before the next game. You should get some rest.” Kellyn suggested, adding with sad sober honesty. “For now there’s really nothing more that you can do than that.”

"Will there ever be?" He asked unsure if he even expected or wanted an answer.

Kellyn just shook her head and chose not to give one because it would either be almost certainly a lie or it'd be of no comfort. Instead she chose to say the most helpful thing for him she could, though the words felt hollow as she spoke them.

"Just...get some rest now, Rada."

Now very much in the distance, and out of earshot of Rada, Salvek spoke to the Vedek. “How long, do you think?”

Jariel pondered the question for a moment. He tried desperately to find an answer that was better than the one he did not want to admit. Camen had not even been on the ship during the Domox events, but Counselor Tryst had informed him of what transpired, specifically with Rada, in case his services were ever needed to help the Chief Engineer.

“I have known you and Kellyn a long time my friend. Engineers come in different shapes, and sizes and temperaments, but if there is one central truth to Salvek of Vulcan, Lair Kellyn of Bajor, and Rada Dengar of Angosia, it is that none of you are ever satisfied with half an answer. It is in your very nature to understand how thing work. You may seek that understanding in different ways, but you so seek it, and you will not rest until you have found it.”

Salvek paused and looked back over his shoulder. Rada had apparently heeded Kellyn’s suggestion, and headed back to his tent to rest. “I had come to the same conclusion.” Salvek said.

“He will not be denied.” Jariel did not need to point out to Salvek the consequences if the resequencing failed. “By the way, when you are Rada were up, did you happen to see February leave? She was already gone when I woke up.”

“No, I did not.” Salvek said. As they approached the tent Jariel and February were sharing, a choice made based upon the fact that one man was going to have to share a tent with one woman, and Jariel was the only one Dabin trusted, Salvek noted the prints in the snow. “Those are not Converse,” Salvek said, looking at the large prints that matched Jariel’s boots.”

“I didn’t even realized…” Jariel stammered, upset with himself. “There were no prints in the snow when I got up. I’d better get Reece.”

Salvek peered into the tent, looking for clues. At the next tent over, Jariel was being informed by a very groggy Dwan Tubman that he’d just woken up, and had no idea where Dabin Reece was.

“Salvek! Dabin is gone too.” Jariel called out.

Salvek was then forced to utter the words no one on the ship ever wanted to, “I will wake the Captain.”

***********************************************

Lt. Commander Rada Dengar
Chief Engineer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012


&

Commander Salvek
First Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012


NRPG: From the Captain and the First Officer, a very merry and safe Christmas to you all!