By Lara Valera Ryn and Denise Moreno
100331.10
Immediately After Part One
-=Captain’s Ready Room; USS Poseidon=-
-=/\=-
"Obviously we’re not both going to get what we want,” Denise acknowledged. “So one of us is going to have to change the other’s mind. That’s why I want you to try and convince me why I shouldn’t do this. Then I’ll try and convince you why I must.”
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100331.10
Immediately After Part One
-=Captain’s Ready Room; USS Poseidon=-
-=/\=-
"Obviously we’re not both going to get what we want,” Denise acknowledged. “So one of us is going to have to change the other’s mind. That’s why I want you to try and convince me why I shouldn’t do this. Then I’ll try and convince you why I must.”
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The request sounded reasonable. Or at least that is how Denise wanted it to sound. After all, what could be more reasonable than two Starfleet officers having a civil conversation and working out their differences? No need for threats, no need for violence. Those were not the markers of good, reasonable Starfleet officers.
But this was not a normal situation, and reasonable had long since gone out the shuttle bay doors.
Finally, Lara replied, "Tell me, did you ever imagine how your career would turn out? Did you ever envision yourself in charge of a ship?"
It was not an easy question for Denise to answer but she took no time to consider it. Her career had entirely been spent in offices; most of them very near if not in the department’s headquarters. She was not a jumper. She was never at home on a ship let alone at its helm. So when she’d thought of her future she’d never envisioned herself on one, but she had pictured command.
She’d thought that surely with her mind and years of hard work that she would have risen through the ranks of TI to become one of the people in control. So while this vessel and these people may not have been her intended command, ultimately this was exactly where she expected to end up; though this was not how she thought it’d feel.
"What Starfleet officer does not?" Denise came back with, her voice gaining some confidence, somehow suspecting that this argument might not take as long as she had suspected, feared, or had time for. She had to show she was right. Not only that, but she had to do so now, before anyone else could intervene. Especially Tucker Brody.
Lara wanted to retort back; to say that not every officer wanted that chance. If she had been given the choice, her type of ships would be for one thing, and one thing alone: transport to and from digs. But going down that path would not do her -- or her fellow crew mates, or the crew of this ship, for that matter -- any good. "I'm not talking about childhood dreams and fantasies. I'm talking about a real ambition. Something attainable, if given the right opportunities."
Denise nodded her head, understanding what the other woman wanted, though not perhaps where she was going with her questioning. At least yet. "Of course. Those of us who are smart enough all do. Some of us may be frightened but we all want the chance to implement our ideas; to show how we can make a difference if given the opportunity."
"But should that opportunity be given to someone, or should it have to be earned?" Lara asked, intentionally baiting Denise.
Denise didn’t miss what she was doing but she didn’t stop herself from reacting either.
"Merit isn't always rewarded," Denise spat coldly back, barely able to control the hostility in her voice or in her emotions as she thought back on her years of service at TI. She had just been seen as a cog in the machine, someone of no importance, with nothing to contribute. To survive she’d had to remind herself time and again that she was so much more than what those others saw and could be even more. So to hear Lara suggesting that she hadn’t earned this position simply because those same others didn’t deign to notice her truly stung too much to let her hold back her words. Indeed Denise was ready to say so much more than she had to pre-empt any argument Lara could make, but to her surprise Lara didn’t argue.
Lara simply shrugged her shoulders. "You're right, it isn't. And sometimes we have to wrest control of our own destiny." She swallowed, her own throat dry. She did not know where these words were coming from, and it was scaring her that they kept coming out, that she had somehow almost lost control, yet at the same time, it was her speaking. It was a strange feeling, an unwelcome one, but perhaps the only one that would keep her and everyone else alive.
"And I have. Here and now." Denise said, her words getting quicker as she was gesturing to indicate this room. She was trying to sound confident, but it remained unclear who she was trying to convince. The position she’d taken could so easily be taken back and even though she had so little desire for power in reality, she was still so frightened of that.
"Yes, you have." Lara rather doubted the woman could have pulled off such a feat on her own, but knowing no better, she went with it. "But now, you're not just responsible for yourself, but for everyone. And that changes the game."
Denise suddenly stopped cold, her anger turning to something much more bitter as her tone dropped lower.
“You so clearly do not understand,” Denise softly insisted, her eyes suddenly as like daggers of ice directed at the entire world. “I have never not been responsible for everyone else. I may never have gotten the credit but I was always the one to organise everything for everyone else, for all the people who got the glory that I didn’t. Do you think I wanted to be in command of these people? I didn’t even want to be part of them, but I was and when their world began falling apart around them it was me they turned to. I had to clean up the mess they’d made; to tell them exactly how to undo the damage. Only then did they listen to me and with Vox out of the picture I was as much as forced to take on the position he’d left.”
Instantly it was making so much more sense why Denise now looked so worried and out of place in command. She didn’t want to be in control, yet Lara also noticed she hadn’t given that control up to Brody or anyone else on board.
“And now you have that power you want to keep it,” Lara observed, though again it was like it wasn’t her talking.
Denise however shook her head that this was wrong, for some reason trusting Lara just enough to say what came next.
“This position is not something I want. I simply can’t afford to lose it. If I had not been here to release the prisoners from your brig then Brody would have destroyed your ship. People would die. Whether Jonas Vox in his office or Tucker Brody here and now, that’s what Temporal Investigations does. It lets people die who don’t contribute to its grand plan.”
Lara was taken aback. She had not expected to hear these words coming from the woman who’d had her held at the barrel of a phaser.
“Is that really what you think?” Lara asked, almost perplexed. “Do you think that what you’re doing is saving lives?”
Denise’s reply was neither angry not prideful, but it carried within it every accumulated moment of lonely pain across a very long and empty life.
“I do not claim my cause is that noble,” she admitted, having no delusions about that. “I have my own interests here and I make no apologies for them. I have never cared for power or even my position as an officer. There are things in life that are given to so many and mean so much more than that. My only interest is in getting what is fair. My interest is in getting what was mine by rights to begin with.”
The hint of tears actually flashed in Denise’s eyes as she stopped and almost shuddered for how hollow her existence truly felt and had felt for so long. Now Lara knew she was seeing the real woman beneath.
“And what is that?” Lara asked with soft curiosity, at this point no longer certain how she should speak to this woman before her.
“That…” Denise started, but stopped, taking in a slow breath to steady herself as she rapidly blinked her eyes dry. “That is something truly private.”
When Denise looked up again, her eyes were now more imploring than threatening and her tone was so much softer than it’d been.
“It doesn’t matter what it is. All you need to know is that I will do everything I can to ensure not a single member of your crew is harmed. However if you stall me too long and so I fail to keep in control that’s when people will start dying. Perhaps you cannot understand why I must do what I must. However if you understand anything of the crew of this ship then you’ll understand why you must do as I ask.”
"Last I checked, I wasn't being asked to do anything. Politeness does not come at the end of a phaser. As for that death threat, been there, done that. I just hope that when the time comes, you'll have the courage to stick the phaser into my face yourself and shoot me."
"I sincerely hope it does not come to that." Denise's words were quiet, but indeed sincere. She was clearly trying to stay afloat and every last distraction was an impediment to that personal mission.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a ship to sabotage," Lara nonchalantly stated. She turned around and marched toward the door of the ready room. It slid open and the guard, standing outside, peered in. Taking measure of the situation, he used his body and rifle to block Lara from moving. Not respecting their captain was one thing; letting the prisoner march around alone was another.
Denise looked up long enough to indicate with her hand that the guard could escort the prisoner back to the science station. Though as Lara was moved away Denise knew she should follow, for just a moment longer she remained alone in the room after the door closed in her face.
Inhaling slowly, she bowed her head as she brought her hand to the bridge of her nose, not quite giving in to the urge to just take her head in her hands and fall apart, Denise then simply stood in this empty office in silence for several seconds more. She decided she just needed a little more time here if she was going to keep it all together when she once again stepped through that door.
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Lt. Lara Valera Ryn
Science Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
and
Ensign Denise Moreno
Commanding Officer
USS Poseidon
Lt. Lara Valera Ryn
Science Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
and
Ensign Denise Moreno
Commanding Officer
USS Poseidon