by William Lindsay and -=/\=-Keiran O'Sullivan
Stardate 101201.12
Soundtrack: Brothers in Arms, as recorded by Celtic Thunder, featuring Ryan Kelly
During and after Here, There, and Everywhere
-=/\=-
-=The O'Sullivan Residence=-
Stardate 101201.12
Soundtrack: Brothers in Arms, as recorded by Celtic Thunder, featuring Ryan Kelly
During and after Here, There, and Everywhere
-=/\=-
-=The O'Sullivan Residence=-
The previous murmurs of conversation were all but inaudible now. The farther their steps drew them from the porch, the more the silence between the two men became painfully obvious.
It was not one of their usual, comfortable silences; the simple kind that partners in work and the closest of friends can share and exist in and find it restorative. Instead this was the most difficult and painful variety. It was that silence that settles like a dense fog between two people wrestling tiredly with emotions they'd rather not deal with at all. It was the kind that can sink a friendship, no matter how strong, straight to the bottom of the ocean if someone didn't find the courage to first attempt to break it.
As stubborn as both men could be, neither one of them was willing quite yet to make that first sacrifice of pride. The only sound that filled the air was the pattern of their footfalls, as boots again and again struck the soft Cork ground.
They walked side by side, step by step, but neither man looked over to see the other’s face. Keiran’s eyes looked dead forward, occasionally falling to watch his feet strike the ground, but his mind was clearly far away.
Will glanced around the surrounding land a few times but ultimately his eyes never strayed far from the area directly in front of them.
Will only stopped to look around again as O'Sullivan paused to take in the view of the house in the distance. Just barely, Keiran's eyes could make out Liis' shadow as the porch light shone down upon her. If he focused very carefully, he could see her earring glinting in the light and, as she reached up to twist the chain of it, the refracted colors emanating from the facets of the stones in her wedding band.
He had no doubt that she was the single reason that Will had come to dinner tonight- had to be, because Keiran had never invited him.
As difficult as it would have been, a large part of him, perhaps the best part of him, still felt guilty about that fact now. Here he'd opened his home to the crew of the Sera, specifically those of the command crew; those who were family, this night. Yet he'd neglected to include the man who was closer than his family could ever be- that troubled, wayward younger-brother figure that he could never quite figure out if he wanted to protect or strangle with his own two hands.
That choice however would have to be made later, as that younger man’s patience for this silent walk ran out, and in deference it seemed to the position Keiran had always held in their partnership, he spoke first.
“Tis a beautiful garden ye’ve got here,” Will finally volunteered, though he was unable to hide the effort in his tone.
“Thanks,” Keiran mumbled, not angrily but with the speed of a man not encouraging conversation. He began walking again, slow steps that never changed to the long and rapid strides of which he was so easily capable, suggesting that even if he didn’t want to be here he knew he should be.
“Yeah,” Will muttered tiredly in agreement.
As they continued to walk once more in silence, out the corner of his eye Keiran then glanced over to Will for a second, wondering whether looking at him would feel different this time than all the last. Finding it really didn’t, he quickly returned to looking forwards again.
"Time for a question." Keiran decided, forcing himself to stop walking and truly look William in the eye.
Will simply nodded.
"Are you here of your own accord or did she insist upon it?"
"She asked. She did'na insist."
"Ah." It wasn’t that it was his intention to make this difficult on William, but at the same time he just didn’t know what he expected of him. Keiran let out a deep and sullen sigh. "I know how Liis 'asks' for things. Has a way of gettin' under yer skin and ya just can't say no to her."
"I could've said no to her. Unlike you, O'Sullivan, I'm not under the impression that all the worlds love Zanh Liis. I for one could take her or leave her." For just an instant, the spark returned to Will's eyes, and when it disappeared again it became all too clear to Keiran just how much this past mission; this assignment at TI, had taken out of him.
"You nearly did."
The words were spoken before Keiran could stop himself, and he could tell by the change in Will's posture that they hit harder than any physical blow could have.
"I may not have looked before I leapt, Keiran, and gotten her in deeper than I ever intended, that's true, every word of it. Whatever mistakes in judgment I made, I swear, never in a million years of time linear or otherwise did I ever intend upon leavin' her behind. Not to save my own ass, not to save yours and not to save anyone else's!"
"To save the timeline, then."
"Hey, now." Will raised his hands in a defensive gesture and out of habit, used Keiran's signature 'stop there and not another step' turn of phrase. "She's TI as much as you or I will ever be. She knows that we're expected to give our lives or the lives of those dearest to us to save the timeline. She would have died if that was what it took, and willingly."
"For the timeline, yeah. For Brody's revenge? Hell, no." Keiran folded his arms and gave a truly irritated sigh. “What d’ya want from me, William?"
Will was surprised by the directness of the question, and had to think for a second to really know what to say.
Keiran continued. "Is there somethin' specific, or are ya just here to lecture me on codes of conduct that I taught ya to begin with?”
“I don’t really know what I want,” he answered. “Forgiveness would be nice but I know I’ve no right ta expect ta get it. What I don’t want though is fer things ta be like this between us forever.”
The suddenly new expression on Keiran’s face, reflective and almost absent, said that he didn’t want that any more than Will did. He just wasn’t sure how to change things back.
“Forgiveness is a fine thing,” Keiran acknowledged. “I know yeh don’t believe in it, but I was always taught the Lord can forgive us any sin. God knows I’ve been glad many times mehself ta know that’s true.”
“Well, maybe the book makes some good points now and then,” Will offered with as much respect as he could ever muster for Keiran’s faith, though it was clear that Keiran couldn’t simply change how he felt no matter the book that said he should. He opened his mouth to make a flip remark about how maybe he should retrieve the copy Keiran had given him as a gift years before from beneath the wobbly coffee table where it balanced out uneven legs, but quickly bit the words back, thinking he liked his teeth in his mouth and knowing Keiran was beyond the end of his patience already.
“I know I’m no saint, William,” Keiran muttered, shuffling his massive weight from foot to foot as his boots began to leave indentations in the soil below. “I do want to forgive ya, but it’s just it’s not as easy as it ought ta be.”
There was a pause as Will wondered whether there was even any point in asking the next question.
“Why’s that?” Will finally said, with neither anger nor curiosity but with simply acceptance that he wouldn’t be able to change it even knowing the reason. "Why is this time any different from before?"
“Deciding on forgiveness is easy. Something they never really covered in Sunday services was how you were supposed to make the anger go away. Men tryin' to follow the example led by Christ are supposed to be better than that. Better than this. I swear, I could be, if it were different. I'd keep turning the other cheek until Kingdom come. But she...what this did to her.” He exhaled sharply. "I'm angry at you, William. Am really, really angry and I don' know just how ta let go of it."
Despite the tone of Keiran's voice, Will's mood lightened for the moment. He knew O'Sullivan could never hang on to anger very long. Bitterness had been another thing, but the Irishman's anger usually burned hot and fast and then soon dissipated. "Ya know, this isn’t the first time I’ve done something ta really piss you off.”
“I know that ta be sure,” Keiran answered. For merely a second a slight smile crept to his lips, before falling completely away to leave only his previous unhappy expression. He looked down at the ring upon his left hand and then back to the house, and Will knew the reason that he was having such a hard time this time around. It wasn't that he had to forgive Will now for anything he'd done to him, it was the pain and suffering Will's decisions had caused Liis that Keiran still fought with.
"It’s different this time,” Will finished the thought without Keiran even having to.
“Is always different with Liis. You know that.” Keiran rotated now, head, shoulders, then his entire form, at last, toward the man who, aside from Liis, had been for years his closest friend and confidant. "She's tough, is true. She's been through things that leave grizzled old soldiers cringing and sick ta their stomachs to hear about. But she has a limit, William. She can be broken, and you and I have both seen how close Brody brought her to that. If you'd told me, or her...if we'd known-"
"Aye I know, Keiran. For all it’s worth I really am sorry." Will's expression was devoid of any sense of irony or sarcasm now- he was entirely sincere. "If I could turn back the hands and do it over, I would, you know that. But I can't. So I'm askin', if I told you that, upon my word, I'd never let anything like it happen again, then, do you think that in time you might find your way to look me in the eye and shake my hand just the same as you've always done?"
Keiran stared at him, unflinching, as he considered. After a moment his eyes flashed from rage to sorrow and he closed them as in that instant he relived, not at all by choice, many of the times they'd saved each other's lives, fought with each other and for each other, and always managed to come out of any struggle closer friends than they'd been before.
Will seemed to read his mind, and spoke to the memories playing out in it. "Am not askin' for any favor based upon anything we've been through in the past," he clarified. "I'm not askin' for it today. Not even a year from now. Hell, I know it's gonna take a long time before you can look at me and see anything but the interior of that holosuite on the Poseidon, and Liis suffering in it." He looked away now, struggling against things he did not care to even stop pretending weren’t there.
"If you want'ta know the truth of it, Keiran, is gonna be a long time before I look in the mirror without seeing that, myself." He let his words sink in before going on. "I have no right to expect your forgiveness, and if it turns out that you can't give it at all, is not gonna change the way I look at you. You're the best man I've ever known, Keiran. Even if I can't have your friendship now, am willin' to wait for it."
Keiran shivered suddenly, and as he looked back toward the house he saw the last of the shadows surrounding Liis fade away in the haze of a transporter. It was getting late, and he hadn't really had a single chance to talk to her since she'd been back to Medical. He was anxious for this to be over, just as he knew Lindsay was. Though he knew himself better than to believe that it would be completely over tonight or even in the days immediately to come, he also knew that he'd hate himself if it never ended at all.
He started walking back towards the house without saying another word, and William dutifully followed.
Just before they reached earshot, Keiran spun on him. "You're leavin', on a Jump. Aren't you?"
Will nodded. "Jonas is back, Keiran, that's my cue. There's a ship waiting for me."
Keiran blinked. "Soon?"
"Yeah. Soon."
Keiran reserved his reaction about Jonas Vox' return to the director's chair for another time, and focused on the man before him. "You're gonna come back to us in one piece, aren't ya?" He said, with just enough of a pause before he spoke the words to confirm he really meant any concern that could be read into them.
At hearing the question, Will's shoulders finally relaxed. "Aye, I am." He didn't give Keiran his trademark, wise-ass grin now, but his eyes did light up with the mischief of which only he was truly capable. "I rather like all my parts where they are. I'd hate to disappoint all the ladies waitin' upon my return to this timeline."
Keiran turned an about face and continued to walk, a slight worried smile on his face in the knowledge that he didn’t know whether it was a good or a bad thing that Will never seemed to change. They reached the foot of the porch and Liis slowly descended the steps to meet them. Both men inclined their heads toward her in greeting.
"Gentlemen." She folded her arms and rocked her weight from her heels to her toes. "Have a nice chat?"
"Yeah." Keiran said, his eyes unable to leave her face for a moment now to look at anything else. "Did. William?"
"We did at that. Now, I," he stepped closer to Liis and offered his hand. "I'd best be goin'. You know how I feel about early mornings."
"Yes. Like me, you prefer to hear from others how they went after they're over." Liis finally looked at Will directly, and then she did something neither man was expecting.
When she took his hand, she pulled him closer and clasped him into a hug. She held on for a long moment and when she drew back, she placed a quick kiss upon his cheek. When she drew back, tears glimmered in her eyes but did not fall. "Safe journeys, William."
Unsure what he should do or say, Will simply nodded. "You too, Captain." He turned then and looked at O'Sullivan. Very slowly, he extended his hand. "Keiran."
"William." Keiran grasped on, and shook it once, firmly. "I don't have my compass an'a'more, mind? Can't come and bail you out this time."
“Aye,” Will acknowledged, with an understanding in his eyes that Keiran found truly surprising. “I know ye’ve other things that ya need ta be doin’ anyway.”
Keiran could tell that in his own way, Will was supporting his attitude that the timeline and all else in it could be damned before Liis ever became any less than his top priority. Feeling her hand now tightly grasping his, Keiran realised Liis could tell that too.
“Besides,” Will added, a smile creeping onto his features, “the trouble ya get into when yer getting yerself outta trouble is often when you have the most fun.”
“Mind you don’t have too much fun, yeah?”
The smirk now thoroughly settled onto Will’s face. “And you mind you don’t have too little. Otherwise I might have ta come back ta make things interestin’ again.”
The look between both men’s eyes said that for however things may have been between them now, they both hoped they would be seeing one another again soon. Liis squeezed Keiran’s hand tighter again, as if to say that in her opinion they would.
“Lindsay to Vanguard,” Will said, finally hailing the vessel in orbit. “Beam me up.”
The moment the last of Will's transporter signature faded, Keiran immediately grasped hold of Liis, once again pulling her into his arms and holding her so tight that her feet no longer touched the ground.
Captain William Lindsay
USS Vanguard
Temporal Investigations
and
-=/\=- Keiran O'Sullivan
Security Liaison for The Alchemy Project
Stationed aboard the USS Serendipity NCC-2012
USS Vanguard
Temporal Investigations
and
-=/\=- Keiran O'Sullivan
Security Liaison for The Alchemy Project
Stationed aboard the USS Serendipity NCC-2012