by Vol Tryst and Jaine Hood
90724.2000
After I Call No Way
-=USS Serendipity=-
90724.2000
After I Call No Way
-=USS Serendipity=-
Jaine found herself rearranging furniture in the small conference room granted to her to use as her office space.
She had requested that the large table and chairs be removed, and instead tugged the couch and larger chairs away from the windows, toward the center of the room.
She positioned them so that two chairs were side by side, facing the couch. The space echoed slightly now that there was so little in it, but it would serve her purpose well enough.
She pulled a small end table forward and put it in the middle of the rest of the furniture, in case one of her patients wanted a beverage and needed a place to set it.
She had been asked in a hurried message from one Paxton Briggs on behalf of the captain to start with a visit with the Sera's ship's counselor, and so that was what she was ready to do.
She heard the chime sound, and she stood tall, ready and willing to do all she could to help the man who, according to records was Betazoid.
"Come in."
Though Vol would never have admitted it if asked, the truth was he had been dreading this meeting. So much so that he had probably been waiting outside the door for roughly five minutes before finally ringing the chime. It was just a fact: the worst patient for a surgeon was another surgeon and any psychiatrist would tell you that no other person was more difficult to shrink than another Counselor.
Not wishing to disappoint, Vol had spent a great deal of time reading up on all he could about one Jaine Hood. She was certainly accomplished, and therefore qualified. He did feel slightly intimidated by a Doctor whom was light years ahead in her career than Vol was himself, but then again Vol had his own accomplishments that helped him stand tall.
As he stood outside her door, he couldn't help but let his empathic abilities do a little roaming.
*Human, most definitely human.* Vol thought to himself.
Upon hearing Doctor Hood's invitation, Vol sighed and entered through the doors to find a pointed-eared woman.
"You must be Counselor Tryst. I'm--"
*Not human…* Vol finished her sentence in his thought. His eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted to the side as he crossed his arms over his civilian clothing, cocking his hip out to the side.
"Is there, something wrong?" Jaine queried, hoping that the Counselor wasn't going to be the high-maintenance sort. If so, she'd have a hell of a time with the rest of her scheduled appointments today.
"Your mind isn't ordered enough to be Vulcan, which could be easily explained by saying that you weren't brought up with that lifestyle. But no, I'm thinking… Romulan."
"And you're Betazoid." Jaine replied, clearly puzzled. "My personal parentage is an issue for you, Counselor?"
Vol perked an eyebrow again, "Pardon?"
Jaine exhaled slowly to conceal a slight sigh. Her first patient of the day was not only defensive, he may also be dense; that was just fabulous.
"Why is it important to you?"
"It isn't."
"Well, it must be. It's the first thing that you said when you met me."
"By letting it be known that I am able to guess your heritage, I was in turn able to let you know my own. Therefore, establishing the playing field, so to speak." Vol knew he was being ridiculous, but that was to be expected especially when he felt he was being judged to some extent.
Jaine knew that this discussion was starting off on the wrong foot, and she had to change tack and quickly if anything productive was to come out of her association with and analysis of Vol Tryst. She started by unclenching her hands which had somehow curled into tight fists.
"Perhaps we can start again. At the beginning." Once again she extended her hand. "My name is Jaine Hood. I'm a neurologist and a psychologist."
She looked at him again, watching him nervously run his hand through his hair and tug at it, before finally extending his hand to accept hers and announcing his name and rank.
"I'm pleased to meet you." Jaine felt for him, there was nothing, she knew, worse for a counselor than to submit to being counseled.
How much worse it must be for an empath, she thought. To be so completely aware of not only your own emotions but also of those all around you so keenly all the time, it had to wear a person down.
"I'm here to help, if I can. I'm certainly going to try." She added softly, with a calm and reassuring tone that somehow annoyed Vol even more. "Would you like to sit down or do you prefer to stand?"
Vol laid one arm over his stomach whereas the other raised to scratch the nape of his neck once more. He exhaled deeply before taking a few heavy steps towards the room's windows.
"I'll . . . remain standing. Thank you."
"All right. I think I'll sit down." Jaine took to one of the two chairs, leaving Vol the option of taking the couch alone if he preferred or sitting beside her chair in one of his own.
Jaine was sitting so that she was staring at Vol's back while he leaned back so that his rear sat on the back-end of the couch. She couldn't help but wonder what the man saw when he looked out into the stars.
"So, Vol, how are you?" Jaine started.
Vol didn't answer her, and she prayed that she wouldn't have to pry answers out of him. Not to mention such behavior would be bizarre, as any good Counselor knew that in order to get out of a session as fast as possible, it was better to be forthcoming.
Something out of the corner of Jaine's eye had her looking out the window, where she saw Vol's reflection and an expression which clearly told her he'd just finished rolling her eyes.
"Well then, how about we start with why you're here?"
Now Vol was happy to respond.
"I am a Counselor aboard this vessel, but due to recent events it stands to reason that I myself may have suffered some psychological damage. This is also why I am the first crewmember ordered to see you, because if I'm to counsel others, I need to be assessed as fit to do so.
"So, you're here to make sure you can go back to work?" Jaine questioned, looking at Vol's reflection, as the man had still not turned around.
"Without unintentionally causing damage to my crewmates."
"Or yourself." Jaine pointed out in a polite way, but Vol knew that the words he'd chosen were quite telling as to his frame of mind.
Vol finally turned around to look Doctor Hood in the eyes, and she continued on.
"Let's leave your patients out there for awhile." Jaine suggested gently. "Let's just talk about Vol Tryst. What damage has he suffered?"
"If I were to be unprofessional and attempt to diagnose myself, I'd call it a mild crisis of identity." For the first time since he'd entered the room, Vol sounded like he was giving in to the help that was being offered to him.
He walked around and somewhat hopped onto the couch, which he lay upon with his back down. He stared up at the ceiling as he let his hands rest on his sternum.
"What prompted this identity crisis?" Jaine pushed on softly.
"Doctor?" Vol asked politely.
"Yes?"
"I feel quite belittled when you ask me questions you already know the answers to. This is exceedingly awkward and intimidating for me, so the more we can converse as equals and not as a doctor with her patient, the more grateful I would me."
Jaine blinked, studying the words and body language of Vol. She'd momentarily forgotten that Betazoids usually spoke out their minds very readily.
"I find it interesting that you wish to carry on the conversation as peers and not as doctor and patient, yet look at your posture."
"What about it?"
"Well, you're lying on your back on the couch in the stereotypical position of one being psychoanalyzed. And yet you say I'm belittling you for speaking to you as a patient. Conflicted?"
Vol bolted upright. "What do you mean, conflicted?"
"Is it difficult for you to think that you, as one who counsels others, may now need to accept that he truly needs traditional counseling himself, and not just a conversation with a colleague?"
Vol brought his hands together as he pondered the question. Running his thumbs over one another, he finally responded.
"And thus my role is reversed."
"Pardon?"
"I am the patient now and no longer a Counselor. As a patient I am… somehow ill."
Jaine perked an eyebrow and decided to softly press on the brakes a little bit.
"I wouldn't go so far as--"
"No." Vol interrupted. "I am a patient, that's what you said I was having a hard time accepting and as patient mostly have some sort of ailment."
Jaine wasn't one to cut her patients off most of the time, but she felt like she was losing her footing… or something.
"You were the one who came in here with a self-diagnosis already prepared."
"Yes, an identity crisis. Which appears to be that of between Vol the Counselor and Vol the patient. I've just proven both our theories simultaneously."
Jaine opened her mouth, but no words came out. She had things to say, and certainly had retorts, but her gut told her that to let this go a little longer may bring her to a mini-breakthrough with Vol.
"Ha!" Vol continued. "You don't deny it, I am the patient here. Defective in some way and I can't accept it."
Vol ran his hand all the way through his scalp as he fell back into the couch.
Jaine pushed onward.
"So there's Vol the Counselor, and Vol the patient. Any other facets of you we should talk about?"
Vol looked at Jaine quizzically.
"Of course I don't believe you to be schizophrenic, but let's just play along hypothetically. If there were to be different Vols, what would they be?"
Vol finally submitted to the help he was being offered, it was so much easier than fighting. As he proceeded to comply with Jaine's request, he closed his eyes and counted each of his 'personas' on his hands.
"Counselor Vol, the Starfleet officer sworn to uphold all of the Federations laws and directives.
”The Betazoid Vol, the boy who grew up on Betazed in a comfortable home with his family for a few years. This boy looked up to his brother, adored his parents, but also was interested in the lives of others as well.
”The Human Vol, he only really came into being once my parents divorced, and I truly did live two separate lives. He really connects with my mom, and takes after her socialite tendencies. He's where I get my occasional knack for diplomacy.
”Then I suppose there's the hybrid of the later two. The coexistence of both... I mean, two mes.
”Then the patient, who's frightened."
Jaine took a moment to consider the man, and what he had just told her. It seemed clear that emotional upheaval had created Counselor Vol Tryst from two clearly defined individuals that existed in his past.
“Are you comfortable and secure in what you are now? This combination of the Human and Betazoid that you spoke of? You mentioned that the two Vols coexist, but you never said how well.”
Jaine left her chair and took a moment to replicate a glass of ice water. Some people took it as rude when a therapist seemed to not be paying attention. Others were set at ease by knowing the Counselor was not seemingly staring into their soul as they spoke. Her snap judgment on Vol Tryst was that he would be one of the latter.
Though her body was not present with him for several moments, her attention never wavered from his words as he spoke.
“I would say the coexisted quite well. Things have changed recently though.”
“You used the past tense. The person you believed yourself to be no longer exists in your mind?” Jaine asked, as she stood facing the replicator and took a slow sip of her water. She wondered what sort of event would have prompted such a statement.
It was important to tread carefully here, and not push Vol back into a state where he would suppress the truth about himself that he seemed close to revealing. On the other hand, Vol knew just as well as Jaine that he had given her a vital clue about himself, and that he would need to reveal it as soon as possible if he ever wanted this session to end.
“I don’t think he does. Something happened to me that altered me. I can only describe it as something similar to what a Trill must feel when they are joined and suddenly they are simply not the individual they were before.”
Jaine returned to her seat, and Vol raised an eyebrow as he felt a wave of emotion from her. Something akin to familiarity, as if the analogy he used made as much sense to her as it would an actual joined Trill.
“Are you all right?” He asked.
“Just fine. Please, go on. Tell me what happened to make you feel this way.”
Vol sighed, allowing himself to sink into his seat. He finally admitted to himself that he would have to share this with someone eventually, so it may as well be a licensed professional.
"Awhile ago, on one of the Sera's missions, I was targeted by a people who knew that by being empathic, I would be able to unveil their… less than kind intentions." Vol took a pause. "They infiltrated my mind with a mechanical device that paralyzed my brain's para-cortex. I ceased to be the man you see before you now and instead became an inanimate doll who sensed nothing but emptiness all around him. Fortunately, Doctor Avery Breaux managed to alter the device's parameters. Instead of blocking my telepathy, it now works to enhance it."
Jaine nodded her head as she sipped her water, now this conversation was starting to make sense. She knew exactly where Vol was taking her and from it, the question he would ultimately ask her.
"Now I am not the man I was, and I lack a clear definition of who I am today. So Counselor I ask you, with this implant controlling my telepathic abilities, am I Betazoid man who cannot sense, or am I a Human who's telepathic?”
“I think the real question is are you who you want to be. Set aside the Betazoid versus Human argument. Are you still Counselor Vol Tryst? Do you feel like you are an asset to your shipmates, your friends and family? Or has this crisis created a Vol that you feel is a failing to the man you were?”
Vol sighed as he pondered Hood’s question. “How can I know if I am giving others the best of me, if I do not even know for sure what the best of me is?
Jaine actually laughed at the question, and then quickly apologized. “Only two trained counselors could have such a discussion. Obviously, Mister Tryst, you are having a crisis of identity. Can you at least tell me if you are happy, honestly, with where you are at in your life?
Now it was Vol's turn to crack a smile. It never ceased to amaze him, that no matter how complex the field, no matter how overwhelming a problem may seem, the solution was usually the most simple. Most people, himself included, were too preoccupied with superficially complicated issues that they failed to recognize the underlying reason for their fear.
"I am serving on a Starship, an aspiration of mine since infancy. Said ship is a treasured gem in the Federation, what with its amazing crew and classified mission. I have bettered myself through the guidance of my superiors while also offering what I can in return. I've served to the best of my ability, despite my doubts, and can honestly say that I have no regrets."
The smile on his face remained as he now looked into Hood's eyes to answer the question.
"Indeed, I am quite happy."
*******************************
Vol Tryst
Ship’s Counselor
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
and
Lt. Commander Jaine Hood MD, PhD
Psychiatric Services
Starfleet Medical
Vol Tryst
Ship’s Counselor
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
and
Lt. Commander Jaine Hood MD, PhD
Psychiatric Services
Starfleet Medical