1013: The Only Step Towards Failure: One

By Jamie Halliday and Lair Kellyn
100107.22
Concurrent with Room With No View

-=Sibalt=-


To put it mildly would have been to say Lair Kellyn was not in the best of moods.

To put it accurately would have been to say Lair Kellyn had rarely been less happy in an entire lifetime than she was in this moment.

She had one friend who felt like he was losing his mind and two others who it appeared had lost not just their minds but their bodies as well. It was miserably cold here with snow that seemed specifically designed to make the trek more difficult and just when she thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse Jamie Halliday had been assigned to the same team she was.

It wasn’t that she hated Jamie. That would be like hating a really annoying barking dog that didn’t know any better than to jump around incessantly. In fact turn the dog in to an Engineering crewman and Kellyn was sure it would be exactly like that. Much like that dog it would be very easy to say you hated Jamie in a moment of anger but if push came to shove and you had the choice to shove him off of a cliff you knew you just didn’t have it in you.

She thought it highly ironic that within moments they approached a steep, rocky ledge. As Jamie chattered on happily, her eyes shifted momentarily from him, to the edge, and back.

*Then again...*

She sighed, internally rebuking herself. She really needed a vacation.

No, what she needed was for bad things to stop happening to her friends one after another. She realized that with the life they'd accepted as part of Starfleet that things would happen that would hurt the people she cared about, sometimes even to the point of taking them away from her forever.

Still, the past year had been nothing short of pure hell by anyone's standards. She thought about Rada and Wren, she thought about Salvek and Taris, and now she thought about Dabin.

He'd barely had a chance to settle into fatherhood; he couldn't just vanish now. It couldn't be possible that Sophie Reece, still a tiny infant, could possibly already be condemned to a life without her parents.

"We'll have to go back the way we came." She informed Jamie, holding her hand up to indicate he should follow her no further. "Only way forward from here is down."

As she forced her feet to keep moving, she swore she’d seen and even worn EV suits which were less impervious to the cold than Halliday’s grating smile. She considered that she really wouldn’t have minded him that much if he’d just had the decency to be at least partially as unhappy as the rest of them.

Since they’d left camp he’d moved from person to person. He’d started with Blakeslee who was in front and whose upbringing at least gave him a halfway decent excuse to be comfortable in the weather but quickly he’d been directed to Briggs who managed after a trying ten minutes to get him to go to Vol. Then after a few minutes of chewing as least one of Vol’s ear off about something, Kellyn couldn’t tell what, the Counselor had politely decided to involve Kellyn in the conversation, from which he had promptly managed to remove himself. Kellyn would be recalling this for later.

So now here Jamie was happily chattering on apparently not even noticing the cold, wet snow that had covered the world the rest of them lived in. It was driving Kellyn absolutely crazy and she had quite enough worries to do that already. Finally, halfway through a sentence Kellyn just had to object to him.

“Aren’t you cold?” She snapped, a little more harshly than she’d intended, as she tried to rub her hands together through her gloves to make the blood flow through them in the way it was supposed to again.

Jamie simply stopped and looked at her with confusion, observing that it was actually snowing quite a bit around here and so thinking the answer was obvious.

“What makes you think I’m not cold?” He asked as if truly perplexed about her reasoning.

“Well, for a start you haven’t stopped talking all day.” Kellyn growled slightly, not meaning to be harsh with him but unable to repress her bad mood or her distaste for Jamie’s good mood at a time when two of their officers were missing completely.

Again Jamie was a little confused as Kellyn hadn’t seen him until quite a while after he woke this morning and so had no way to know how long he’d been talking.

“Why would that mean I’m not cold?” He asked with fascination, as if expecting her argument to offer some valuable insight into sentient life everywhere.

"When I'm cold...or cold and, say, worried about someone, I stop talking." Kellyn tried not to make the statement sound like a suggestion and failed spectacularly. Anyone else would've taken the hint and allowed her to walk on ahead alone a ways in silence, but not Jamie.

He sought instead to get an answer to his original question, intent on understanding her puzzling train of thought more clearly. "I still don't understand why you thought that my talking would mean that I'm not cold."

"I...don't either." Kellyn grumbled. "I guess that I'm too preoccupied to think about anything right now other than working my way through this blasted cold as quickly as possible and finding Reece and Grace."

“I’m sorry.” Jamie said quietly now really taking in what she was saying, the smile in a rare moment slipping from his face. “The waiting until we find them really bothers you, doesn’t it?”

A sad, ghostly wisp of a smile now crossed Kellyn’s lips as she observed the innocence in Jamie that she thought meant he wasn’t even considering the possibility that they wouldn’t find Reece and Grace alive.

She had no way of knowing that deep down Jamie had considered it; he’d just rather think everything would work out and risk being wrong than to suspect it wouldn’t and face being right.

“Yes, the waiting does bother me.” Kellyn replied with a far less irritated tone as it’d become suddenly harder to be all that angry at Jamie. “You don’t go through the half the crap Reece and I have faced together over the years with someone without it bothering you a lot when they suddenly disappear like this.”

Jamie saw a look falling on Kellyn’s face as she spoke the final words in her sentence. It was a look which told of the difference between thinking of a missing fellow officer you’d known for some time and thinking of a missing friend. Clearly her thoughts weren’t completely here anymore and the place they were taking her to was a painful place to be. Jamie hated to see anyone but especially someone like Lair Kellyn in pain.

Luckily if there was anything Jamie Halliday knew how to do it was to talk to someone when they felt like being alone in a way to impede their ability to think.

"I didn't realize you'd known Reece for such a long time." He prompted Kellyn with curiosity.

"Long, long time. As one judges most Starfleet friendships, anyway." Kellyn said softly, not realising that Jamie had any reason beyond curiosity to be asking.

"How do you mean?"

"I mean that he's one of the few friends that I made in the early days of my career who is still alive to be my friend." Kellyn's eyes turned downward toward the snow, and she blinked furiously. As frustrated and out of sorts as she was, she'd be damned before she'd ever let Jamie Halliday see her cry.

Somehow, even without quite understanding what she was going through, Jamie knew it was best to give Kellyn a moment before continuing. He waited until she looked up again, which she was only willing to do when she was sure all the tears were safely back inside, before he spoke again.

“Starfleet life lets you see a lot of things most people never would.” He said, speaking with a knowing tone perhaps no one in the crew had ever heard from him before. “Unfortunately that includes some things it’s good not to see.”

A look of surprise suddenly came onto Kellyn’s face as if she was almost wondering who Jamie was because the man she knew wasn’t capable of such a statement. It was almost as though Jamie was aware of her thoughts because he quickly spoke again in a way to prove just who he was.

“I imagine that it gets to be even worse when you’re as old as you are.”

Kellyn felt just old enough right now after all she’d faced that even though the age gap between the two of them wasn’t actually that large she didn’t feel the need to object or even to tease Jamie about that fact.

“There are a lot of things that get harder as you get older.” She replied, not looking forward to having to deal with the type of problems she was facing now in ten or twenty year’s time. “Unfortunately at the same time the things that really matter never get any easier. Still, getting older isn’t all bad. You do become a little wiser. You get wise enough to know just how important those friends that stay with you are.”

“Friends like Dabin Reece?” Jamie asked; trying to gauge just how deep this friendship really went.

“Friends like Dabin Reece.” She echoed his statement, then stopped walking to survey the area in front of them for the best possible path to take.

Suddenly though with the movement and the conversation stopped, it was clear to Jamie she was thinking again.

“I must admit I never really thought of the two of you as likely friends.” Jamie observed, bringing her back. “You’re so different. He’s such a fun person.”

Kellyn then proceeded to send him a look that even Jamie couldn’t have missed.

“It’s not that I’m saying you’re not fun.” Jamie quickly clarified. “It’s just that you sometimes have a very serious way about you. Dabin on the other hand seems almost incapable of being serious.”

Kellyn simply shook her head as she thought of just how well she knew Reece; just how much better than most ever got a chance to.

“That’s a common misconception.” Kellyn said as she decided that the path those in front of them had taken really was the only one for it.

“What do you mean?” Jamie asked curiously as he saw Kellyn’s mind was filling with thoughts again, but this time they weren’t quite so painful.

"There's a lot more to Dabin Reece than most people realize." Kellyn said, shuffling on. "So much more."

Her memories of their friendship were many and varied, but at this moment only one could rise above the others and really hold her focus. It was a memory of a time when she had been lost, and he had done his best to help her find herself again.

When she'd been so sick; back when Arie was just a toddler. Before the glial cell transplant that Jariel provided the necessary biomaterials for. Before she'd gotten better, and was told she probably never would.

Her life had been taken from her then, at least her ability to do all the things that mattered to her most. She hadn't known how she would go on; but Reece insisted that there had to be a way.

That she would find her way.


-=Flashback: Deep Space 23, seven years ago=-


The doors parted and Reece saw a blur of fleece and curls run to him and latch on to his leg. "Raffe! You here!" she whispered. Dabin smiled at Arie and hoisted her onto his hip. "Shhh. Mumma sheepin'." She put a chubby finger to his lips, and Dabin nipped at it playfully. Arie giggled, then her little legs began moving rapidly in mid-air.

"Down. Down now." She clamored, and Dabin set her back onto the deck and she waddled off, footie pajamas and all. "C'mon, Uck! Crackers!" Arie giggled as she tossed a crumb to her pet, and then put another into her own mouth.

"Arie, Duck has food of his... own," Salvek began, but he decided quickly to forget it. She wasn't listening, and even if she were it was becoming evident that she had learned the value of determination from her mother.

"Commander Reece, it is most agreeable to see you," Salvek said, putting down his spanner and turning his full attention to Dabin. "I am glad to see that you have returned from your mission unharmed."

"Have you, ummm, spoken to Sacul?" Dabin inquired casually, wandering toward the machinery that Salvek was working on and looking it over.

"No, I have not seen my brother since his return. Should I seek him out?"

"Oh, no reason to, um, I was just curious if he'd told you about our encounter with the Gorn. It was quite a, adven...Kellyn!" Dabin said, looking up to see the Bajoran was ambling toward them from the next room. Arie ran up to her mother and with her response time slowed, Kellyn nearly tripped over the child as she tried to attach herself to the gravity assist bands Kellyn wore.

Dabin had to stifle a gasp once she came into full view. Jaine had warned him that she didn't look well, and that the machinery would take some adjusting to, for her, and her friends and family.

"Careful, Arie. Mumma's wobbly," Kellyn said, patting her child on the head. Arie started to cry, and Salvek picked her up and said "Come, Arie, let us go finish breakfast and let your mother speak with her visitor."

Dabin and Salvek exchanged a glance, and an unspoken promise was made between them, that Dabin would do what he could. A thank you was also conveyed on Salvek's behalf back to Reece. Dabin nodded, and Salvek and his child disappeared into the room Kellyn had just emerged from.

"Dabin." Kellyn's eyes were downcast. "You're back."

"Hey," he said, unsure at first how to start. *Reece, you're four hundred freaking years old, say something, * Dabin cursed himself internally.

Kellyn's eyes clouded over. She had such high hopes that Reece wouldn't have the same reaction that everyone else had upon seeing her, that he would crack wise, say something ridiculous and make her laugh. She tried to inject humor to stop the silence that grew heavier between them by the moment.

"Don't you like my new look? Latest fashion from Risa, they say. Guaranteed to give a jolt to your system! She was now trying to straighten up so he wouldn't notice that she was using the wall to keep her balance. The perennial joker was silent, though, and his eyes grew sadder by the moment.

"Dabin, damn it, that was a joke, son. You're not laughing."

"It's not funny, Kellyn."

"Yes, it is and damn you, you'd better laugh!" She laughed, but it was a hollow sound. "Can't you just see this at the fashion shows?" She let go of the wall and proceeded to try to do a little model-type pivot and walk toward him, only she lost her balance and went forward, headed for the table beside the couch face first.

Dabin was fast on his feet, and he hurriedly grabbed her, knocking over a pitcher of water but succeeding in keeping her from injury.

"Is anything wrong?" Salvek called from the next room, not wanting to intrude if he did not need to.

"Just peachy! I'm a klutz, but I'm fine, Salvek. Finish your oatmeal." Kellyn called back, sounding a bit more ornery than she would have liked.

"As you wish, my wife," Salvek replied serenely. He returned to trying to get the oatmeal out of Arie's hair, and wondered aloud to her in Vulcan if she had actually eaten any or just decided to use it as product.

In the next room, Dabin decided this was his chance to broach a delicate topic.

"If, I can make a small suggestion, Kellyn..." he was gentle as possible as he helped her ease onto the couch. He didn't know how she'd take what he had in mind.

She switched the motor assist bands on her thighs to their off position and her legs dangled limply. With some effort, she picked up her left leg and folded it beneath her, as if forcing her body into the old posture she always sat in brought her some comfort, at least. Dabin swore that he felt as if his heart was breaking. He knew now why Jaine warned him so seriously to prepare himself for what he was going to see. How could someone so fiercely independent lose so much function so fast? It was terrifying.

"That I not fall flat on my face?" Kellyn inquired, her wit intact even if her pride was wounded. "Duly noted, mon frere."

"No... though that is good advice. Might save that pretty wrinkled nose of yours. But I have another idea, hold on a minute."

He moved to the replicator and punched commands into the machine. A moment later, a long metal rod with a sort of molded cuff at the top and a handle beneath was in his hands, and he brought it over.

"Hmm. I should've known. Salvek's been trying to talk me into something of the sort for days now. I told him no."

"Kellyn," Reece said, gently holding the support device out to her. "It will be a lot easier on him, on all the people who love you, if we don't have to worry about you falling so much. The assist bands can stimulate the muscles, but they won't help the vertigo, and if you don't have something to lean against besides the wall... you're not going to go anywhere but down. Wouldn't you rather we go for a walk for a while than sit around here? Unless you're used to being confined to quarters by now."

"I would love to get out, but I can't, Dabin. Arie, and Salvek," she mumbled. "And what if I don't have the strength to make it back here?"

"I'll get you back. Don't worry. Come on, let's go for a walk."



-=/\=-

Crewman Jamie Halliday
Engineering Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012

and

Commander Lair Kellyn
Engineering Research and Development
The Alchemy Project