By William Lindsay and Zanh Liis
100124.23
Soundtrack: Peace on Earth, by U2
Following Memory's Sins
-=/\=-
-=USS Alchemy=-
100124.23
Soundtrack: Peace on Earth, by U2
Following Memory's Sins
-=/\=-
-=USS Alchemy=-
Zanh Liis O'Sullivan stood in silence; her arms folded tightly around her as she rocked her weight from the toes back to the heels of her boots time and again.
She wanted to leave this place.
She wished she could escape the glaring lights and antiseptic smells more than she wanted anything else right now; even though she knew that simply walking away from them could never erase from her mind the sight of the dead or pain of the injured.
Even though she could have easily and with one order sent someone else to stand here in her place, that was something that she just couldn't bring herself, in good conscience, to do.
She was Commanding Officer of this crew and that desire to run and hide from this was not only a luxury but also a powerful display of cowardice that she had neither the right nor the ability to give in to.
She was just inside the Alchemy's medical bay: a small space that felt cramped on a good day with only one or two patients passing through it.
Now it felt impossibly congested with all the activity that was going on within it. The overcrowded room was a flurry of activity as the medical team did what they could for those who were hurt, buying time and mending wounds as best they could as Alchemy swiftly rushed them on their way home.
Liis looked up. She heard medical orders being barked quickly and surely as Lance Hartcort simultaneously oversaw the care of Dabin Reece, Lair Kellyn, Jamie Halliday and Jariel Camen.
"T'Dara, would you," he spun, calling out an order to the nurse.
She did not answer.
He was so used to her being there that for an instant he'd forgotten that she couldn't be there now.
His eyes caught Liis', and quickly both looked away, not wanting that moment of recognition they saw in the expression of the other to prevent them from doing their jobs in the very necessary now.
Liis' eyes wandered now over to her second officer, TC Blane. He had given her a nod as she entered the room from his location in the quietest corner possible. His arms were around February Grace; sheltering her like the brother he'd become to her as she leaned upon him for support.
February had been so brave, Liis thought, and come so far. She'd kept it together until Dabin was safely under sedation, and it was only after she reassured him and all around her with a bright and loving smile that soon everything would be all right, that he was going to be all right, that she had looked down at his blood upon her hands from having held him and gone limp, losing consciousness.
Vol and Trev had flanked her, both men reaching out and quickly taking on the weight of her collapsing form before she ever had a chance to hit the floor.
Trev was needed in Engineering and so had finally gone to work but Vol remained just outside the entrance to the bay; having told Blane that he stood ready to offer the comfort and consolation of his friendship to Bru as well when she was ready to receive it.
Knowing she was at the moment a bit overwhelmed by it all, Blane had simply taken off his jacket and put it over her shoulders to try to warm her up though he knew it was not really the cold that was the reason she couldn't stop shaking.
A deep, burning rage was roiling and twisting inside of Liis. She wanted, in truth, to go down to the brig where Jelca was currently on suicide watch and deliver justice herself in the form of a quick death by phaser blast that was far more merciful a sentence than the woman possibly deserved.
For the sake of all the souls Jelca had taken: good, innocent people and for no right or worthwhile reason, Zanh couldn't help but wish for a second that she could be judge, jury, and swift executioner.
"Sorry for the delay, Captain. Puttin' out fires as quick as we can," Dalton said, as he swept up to her at last.
He walked onward and Liis dutifully followed him toward a stasis chamber sitting in the corner of Sickbay. He stopped beside it and then in spite of all the chaos around him he paused, and with a rarely heard solemness from the depth of his concern for the woman fighting with demons enough as it was he quietly issued what he fully expected to be a fruitless reminder. "Ya know, you don't have to do this now."
"Yes, I do. But not here," Liis replied with an insistent certainty fuelled by strong concern for all who were still here and anger for those who’d been lost. Her eyes moved over to Lair Kellyn across the room, taking note of the expression of shock upon the engineer's face as she stared blankly into the distance.
Salvek had been here before but Liis asked him to go to the bridge and command his ship; knowing work was the best thing for him right now and that his place was in command while she assessed the condition of their crew.
As upset as they all were over everything that had happened on Sibalt, it was the loss of life that was haunting them most.
Especially would the loss of one particular life haunt them, she knew, for a very long time to come.
Liis turned her attention back to McKay. "We can't keep her here. We have to think of the crew. They." She glanced up again as the doors opened and Rada Dengar entered the room. He approached Kellyn's bedside after nodding to Liis, Thomas, and anyone else he happened to pass on the way.
Liis knew that she was going to have to speak to the Angosian soon. She needed to get a sense if she could of just what was going on in his head.
The problem was that would be very difficult to do if he didn't have any idea himself.
Still, that conversation was one that could and must wait. Had he been a danger to the ship then of course it’d be different; Liis couldn’t let her concern for a particular officer -no matter how deeply held her beliefs about the fact that he should never have been in this situation in the first place- jeopardize any more lives among this crew.
However as she watched his gentle approach to Kellyn and saw the look of concern in his eyes for his friend, only overshadowed once before at a time she hoped he could still no longer remember, she knew that while Rada Dengar was even to his own knowledge in great danger now he’d ensure it would be his danger to face alone.
"If not here, Cap'n, where do ya'll want me to put her?" Dalton asked, with a tone that conveyed a fundamental belief that respect shouldn’t and couldn’t end with a life.
"We're going to have to move her to the cargo hold for now." Though her tone was even and emotionless, the very thought of it bothered Zanh more than she could ever let anyone know.
"Captain! I must object. She's not a piece of engineering equipment!"
"Dalton," Liis' voice warned him sternly that she fully understood the gravity of the situation. "I am well aware what she is." She sighed with regret even though she knew that the woman herself would've expected her to do nothing less than to see to the greater good of the majority of the crew; and this decision would do that even if Liis hated it. "We'll transport her straight there instead of..." she didn't want everyone to have to see this, not yet, at least. "Do you have her combadge?"
"I...never had a chance to take it off of her." He sighed and looked away, his tall frame and broad shoulders seeming to sink a little beneath the weight of his sadness. "Didn't have time to do anything."
In this moment Liis wondered how anyone could ever doubt that Photonics were fully aware and feeling beings. She’d seen too much pain in her life to ever be fooled by a mere simulation; of the authenticity of the doctor’s pain, she had no doubt.
She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it firmly, reassuring him with the gesture that she shared his sadness before she wearily tapped her badge with her free hand. "Zanh to the bridge."
[O'Sullivan here.] Keiran responded from the tactical station, as Zander was down in the brig with their prisoner.
"Captain," Liis referred to him respectfully: formally. She couldn't say his name now. If she did she would lose any hope of keeping her rapidly disintegrating composure. "Could you please transport myself, Doctor McKay, and the stasis chamber holding the Ensign down to Cargo Bay one?"
Keiran hesitated, but only for a moment. [Aye, Sir. Stand by.]
Liis closed her eyes, shuddering as they smarted against closed lids. They hurt like hell, though with what everyone else was going through she cursed herself for even considering the pain as she wondered how much longer this particular day could possibly go on. The best times had always seemed to be so quickly over and it felt to be an irrevocable truth that time set itself as a tormentor of all good men, and women as well.
Her thoughts were interrupted a moment later when Keiran spoke again. [Energizing.]
Within seconds Liis and Dalton were standing beside the chamber once again, relocated to the nearly empty main cargo hold. She raised her eyes to his, nodding slowly.
"You sure you wanna do this now?" He surveyed her with concern. "You're awful tired, Captain. You need sleep."
"We all need sleep." Liis replied, deflecting considerations of just how tired she really was. "Open it."
McKay sighed again. "Aye, Sir."
Liis watched as the glass enclosure slid away and the lovely, still form of Ensign T'Dara was revealed. There was a certain added horror to death when it looked so close to sleep; so peaceful that the mind could almost be blinded to the fact that an entire life would never be returned.
McKay stepped back. "Would you like me to leave you alone a minute?"
Liis shook her head from side to side to indicate that wasn't necessary.
What her thoughts were in this moment he could only imagine as she stared with fixed, burning eyes as red as the desert sun and equally devoid of moisture.
"If it's any consolation to you," McKay volunteered a moment later, "she never knew what happened. Salvek's nerve pinch knocked her out and after that, her body was already too far gone. She never regained consciousness before the fever took her."
"It is no consolation to me," Liis declared, as she absently lifted her hand allowing her fingertips to twist the chain of her earring. "It may be to her family, though."
She exhaled slowly in bitter disappointment as reality once again slapped away any such small, comforting thoughts. "Her family. How the hell do you tell the family of such a fine, distinguished officer that when they should be celebrating a wedding that they instead have to plan a funeral?"
"I don't know." Dalton's blue eyes rose toward the heavens beyond the ceiling as if silently asking the question of some higher, wiser being. They shone in the light, leaving Liis to wonder who had thought to program in the appearance of tears to a man who was supposed to have no soul and therefore no reason to weep. "For as much experience of as many doctors as I have runnin' around in my head, I still haven't figured out yet how to do that exactly right."
"Well if you figure it out, let me know." Her teeth rattled with her ever intensifying fury. "You know what? I think I would like a moment here alone if you don't mind."
He nodded, and she held her hand up quickly to add another thought. "Oh, if you could, on your way out, do me a favor? Have Zander send a couple of guards down here, right away. We'll be keeping her here until we get back to the Sera."
McKay didn't question her request. Even though the Alchemy was certainly a secure enough environment to leave T'Dara here alone, stationing men to keep watch over her was an act of respect and a matter of honor.
"Aye, Captain. And after we get back?"
"Then we're going to do the right thing. We're going to take her home."
Dalton nodded and stepped back another foot. "Is there anything I can do for you, Captain?"
"You've already done it, thank you. Just make sure Lance has all the help he can get and tell him I'll be back to check in on Reece shortly."
"Aye, Sir." McKay paused one last time, venturing a comment he wasn't sure he should make but was compelled to just the same. "Captain, you do know that this was all completely beyond your control."
"I know." Her words were in agreement but her tone, contradictory. "They tell me there was nothing we could've done given the circumstances, but I don't think that is going to mean a damn thing to her parents."
McKay retreated at last in silence, leaving Liis alone with the stasis chamber turned casket and the valued member of her crew who laid lifeless inside of it.
She began to pace before it, rotating on her heel and then moving ever more quickly back along its length.
As she stared at the nightmare before her, she considered just how unnatural it was to ever see T'Dara holding still.
The woman was always in motion. Always helping someone else, always doing her job.
Never once had Liis ever heard he express any concern for her own rank, position or welfare let alone her personal desires.
Maybe if she had, just this once, she would still be alive.
"Damn it, T'Dara, this is wrong." Liis folded her arms again and spoke through painfully clenched jaws. "You should be happy, glowing. Alive, and in love." She shook her head. "I have never seen you smile, but I know that..." She looked away for a moment from T'Dara's pale, frozen features, unable to look at her now. "I know that Vulcans can and do smile when they're in love, and you deserved..." She shrugged. "You deserved so very much more than this.
"You would've made such a fine physician. Just six more months, you said, and you'd have been able to apply for..." She stopped. T'Dara's plans along with all of her knowledge and all of her accomplishments meant absolutely nothing now.
"I wish I'd known. If I'd only known, I would've had them take you back on the Alchemy before it ever left orbit. Straight to Vulcan. Even on the planet if you'd just said something sooner, I would've made sure that somehow we figured out how to help you." Frustration overtook the sadness in her words momentarily.
"I wish you'd felt you could've come to me. I." Her frustration quickly dissolved; her sorrow and anger too caustic to allow it to remain her dominant emotion.
Liis reached out and straightened the collar of T'Dara's uniform; slightly askew in a manner that the Ensign herself never would have tolerated for a moment. When she was finished, she spoke the only two words she had left in her.
"I'm sorry."
Absorbed momentarily by the silence, Liis startled as her combadge sounded its bright, distinctive chirp. The tone was followed by Keiran's unmistakable voice, ghostly echoing up toward the ceiling in the stillness of the hold.
[O'Sullivan to O'Sullivan.]
It took a moment before she could speak, and he repeated the greeting with much greater concern before she finally managed to force out a single word in reply.
"Here."
[Liis, are ya alright?] his gently spoken, openly worried question indicated he was contacting her from a location where they could speak more freely than before. [Need ya to come up here.]
"Keiran? Where are you?" Liis inhaled sharply, but her lungs resisted with fearful constriction and she still felt short of breath. "What's wrong?"
[Am in the Ready Room. Ya've got a priority one message comin' in on a secured channel,] he audibly sighed before going on. [You need ta take this one, a chuisle.]
"Lassiter?" Liis groaned, thinking that may be the only way her day could get worse. No, she quickly cursed herself for that childishly simple, self-pitying indulgence as she regarded their lost Ensign again. Things could always get worse.
[No, i's not Gem.] His tone clearly betrayed the depths of his worry as he added, [i's William.]
The formerly faint, far-off sirens in Liis' head screamed closer, grew louder, and continued to wail.
William Lindsay was not the kind of man to make a social call over subspace when it was the middle of the night back at Temporal Investigations as it was now; even if he was the sort who would use a secured channel and priority one code clearance to do it.
"Be right there," she said. "O'Sullivan out."
The channel closed and she reached out, double checking one last time to be sure that T'Dara's uniform was arranged just so. Pips perfectly aligned, combadge neatly in place, collar and cuffs of her sleeves in perfect, formal order.
Just as she would have it. Liis thought, still, something's just not right.
She realized quickly and with chilling regret that it didn't matter how much she tried to make this picture look correct.
With the woman lying dead before her instead of simply in stasis as she might have been if they'd only had more time, there was no way that it would ever look, or be right.
"I wish you peace, T'Dara: daughter of Savel." Liis closed her eyes for an instant as she pressed the proper button and the case slid closed once more. "Peace, and rest."
Captain William Lindsay
Interim Director
Department of Temporal Investigations
Interim Director
Department of Temporal Investigations
and
-=/\=- Zanh Liis O'Sullivan
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
-=/\=- Zanh Liis O'Sullivan
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012