674: The Voice of Conscience

by -=/\=- Zanh Liis
81126.15
Soundtrack: Crashing Down by Mat Kearney
Hours After Given the Choice


-=/\=-

-=County Cork, Ireland, Earth=-

As he paced a path back and forth across the hardwood floor beneath his boots, he hated himself more with each taunting tick of the nearby longcase clock.

Why the hell had he ever checked his messages tonight?

What could have possessed him to risk the perfection of their time here on Earth by having to know, right now, the status of a ship and crew over which he, as yet, currently held no official responsibility or oversight? Why had he done it?

Because it was her ship.

Because his conscience would have bothered him had he gone one more night without knowing what was going on.

Because she would surely have done so herself, had she not been so exhausted.

How was he ever going to tell her what had happened? She was upstairs, contentedly sound asleep, safe in their bed.

How could he wake her to this nightmare?

Just hours ago, how different things had been.

There was nothing in the world to worry about, as they stared at the stars, wrapped in each other's arms at Barleycove Beach.

She was happy just to lay with her head on his chest for the longest time, his hand running through the disheveled strands of her hair. Nothing needed to be said then, or could be said, that would express their feelings for each other any better than they already had done, without the use of a single one.

Still as peaceful as it was, he could sense a growing restlessness in her. An uneasiness that had followed her back from Scotland, and that she had been reluctant to discuss with him.

He recalled how she had returned to the house yesterday afternoon, weary and pensive, and he'd wondered how she could look that way after spending the day with the Human incarnation of the phrase 'The life of the party', William Lindsay.

Keiran had arranged a special dinner for them at a small, romantic restaurant in town, but they'd never made it there.

Those plans had been set aside soon after his wife had come in the door; when he asked her how her day was and her response was not at all what he'd been expecting.

"I know you said you had something planned for tonight," she began slowly, hating to disappoint him. "Is your heart set on it?"

"My heart is set only upon spendin' time with you, Liis. If you'd rather just," he wondered what it was she wanted. Her eyes were swirling with conflicting emotions, and it seemed to him that she wasn't entirely sure what she wanted, either.

"You...you look amazing." She whispered, noticing that he'd cleaned up after whatever he'd spent the day doing with Carrick, and put on a solid black dress shirt and pants.

Seeing him in all black, the solitary color of the uniforms they had been obliged to wear for many years, seemed to catch her off guard.

He approached her slowly, then tugged her by the collar of her leather jacket closer to him. She pulled back.

"Ugh, I am a mess," she groaned, indicating the dust that seemed to coat her clothing as if she'd been rolling in it. Keiran had to wonder what exactly it was she'd been doing all day. "Let me go and...then we can..."

She was having a hard time forming complete sentences. She wanted to say she'd get dressed and go along with whatever he wanted; but she just didn't seem to have it in her to walk another step.

"'S'alright, darlin'," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "We'll stay in tonight. Hot shower and somethin' to eat will do wonders."

"No," she winced at the thought of food. "Thanks, but not hungry."

"Shower and a good night's sleep, then. I'll turn down the bed."

She moved slowly toward the stairs. Her progress came to an abrupt stop, though, as she actually reached them. The expression in her eyes conveyed that they seemed to her, in this moment, as tall as Everest and she had no strength to try to climb the mountain.

Keiran didn't even ask, he simply put his arm around her waist supported all of her weight, and helped her up to their bedroom.

"Are ya feelin' poorly, a chuisle?" He was getting worried by her demeanor, and her sudden frailty. "You look like you're in pain. Should I be fetchin' the doctor?"

"No, really, I'm fine." she stopped. "It's been a busy...life." She had intended to say 'day', but she decided against the word as she thought over the past week.

Month.

Year.

Decade.

She couldn't decide on which increment of time had been the most frenzied.

He accompanied her into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The temperature of the room began to increase as the old-fashioned water fixture pumped out hot liquid and steam; and Liis moaned softly with approval. She felt chilled through, and the heat was a welcome sensation.

"I'll get yer clothes," he kissed her once, softly on the lips after propping her up against the wall. "You certain it's safe for me ta leave ya alone?"

She nodded.

"If you need an'a'thin', I won' be far."

He closed the door and Liis slowly stepped out of her clothing. Using the last of her energy to climb into the tub, she sank to the floor; allowing the water to rain down upon her and wishing it was as easy to wash away old fears as it was the dust from the ancient dirt roads of Scotland.

Time passed, and Keiran grew worried as he waited for her to emerge. Unconsciously, he wrung his hands as he sat on the edge of their bed.

He fluffed up her pillow again and straightened the corner of the quilt on top of the pile of blankets, just so.

He was finally about to go back in and make sure she was all right when at last she appeared, wearing the black velvet robe he'd left on the back of the door and squeezing drops of water from her hair with a towel.

As she looked at him and at their bed, she felt the urge to just break down and cry.

She wanted nothing more than to sink into it, disappear into his arms, and never move again.

"Come on with ye, then," he gently patted the mattress.

She climbed in and he pulled the covers up around her. He kissed her softly, then rested his head against hers a moment as he wondered what in the world had been said between her and Will Lindsay that could put her into such a state of mind.

He had expected the two to hit it off famously; and that they would amuse each other all day by telling tales out of school about him and the eccentricities that, as his previous Jump partners, they both knew better than anyone else ever could.

He had not expected her to return home as if the weight of the world, which he had wrestled so hard to free her from, was once again squarely situated upon her shoulders.

Certain that she wanted nothing more than sleep, he kissed her head once and then prepared to leave her to it. He would join her later, after writing a few letters of thanks to his family for all they'd done.

The moment he rose from his spot beside her and headed for the door, Liis stopped him.

Without any apparent provocation, her melancholy mood seemed to shift to one of panic, and her voice changed in pitch along with it.

"Please," she begged, "Don't go."

"No?"

She shook her head. Only when her hands reached out to grasp his arms did he realize that she was trembling.

"Liis, you're shakin' like a leaf, darlin' what is it?"

"Please," she reached out and took his arms, placing them on either side of her. "Keiran."

He settled back into the bed and enclosed her in his arms, completely at a loss as to what he could, or should, say. In the end, he decided to simply take his cue from her, and do just as she asked. He would stay with her and he would hold her, as long as she needed him to.

He felt her chest rise and fall as she literally cried upon his shoulder, until her silent tears were all spent. Her body, which had been so tense when he first touched her, went limp at last; she had finally fallen asleep.

More tired himself than he'd realized, he closed his eyes and soon drifted to sleep as well.

He had completely forgotten that he'd wanted to check their messages.

When she'd awoken the next morning, her eyes were bright, and her smile had returned.

He thought better of asking her then what had upset her so much; if and when she was ready to tell him, she would.

At last he accessed the comm and sighed with relief; there was nothing of importance there.

He had made her coffee and they had spent the better part of the morning going through the rest of their wedding gifts; then when Liis went upstairs to read a little, he began work on his project; the meal that he would serve her later, at a picnic on the beach.

The evening had turned out so much better than he'd even dared to hope. He'd expected to take her on a walk and show her the light station at Mizen Head to cap off their evening; Liis, however, had entirely different plans, and ones that he liked much, much better.

After awhile, the temperature chilled to the point that they both felt the effects. They had reluctantly headed home, and Liis had made him promise her that he'd bring her back tomorrow, to show her the Mizen Head Light just as he'd planned.

That excursion would never happen now.

Because he had checked the damned messages a second time.

*I'm a fool.*

He berated himself. He should have known that there was no way that things could stay calm and controlled long enough for their entire honeymoon to take place without interruption. He'd had this boyish fantasy that he would actually get to keep her here for two whole weeks, all to himself, while the rest of the world spun on without them.

It was not to be. Still...God, how tempting it was, especially considering how exhausted and emotional she'd been, to try to keep this from her, at least a day or two longer.

With his index finger poised over the delete button, he struggled once again with his conscience.

They were so far away from all that was going on.

Still, how could he turn a blind eye to it no matter how much he wished to?

He knew that he had to tell her. There was no way he could just pretend he didn't know and go on with the rest of their holiday.

First, because her own curiosity was getting the better of her and soon, she'd check for messages herself.

Second, even if she didn't she'd take one look at him the moment she woke up and know he was keeping something from her.

Third, even if somehow he did manage to conceal from her all that was going on, she would never forgive him when she did find out.

Lastly, he loved the crew as she did, and he couldn't stand idly by if there was something, anything, he could do to help any one of them.

As he stared at the words on the screen, willing them with all his heart to be different for the hundredth time since he'd first read them, he knew what he had to do.

He went into the bedroom and pulled her suitcase from the closet, and started to pack her traveling clothes.

As quiet as he tried to be, she stirred when she heard him opening up the dresser drawers. "Hey," she sat up, groggily rubbing her eyes. "What's going on?"

"Liis, darlin'," he turned and spoke to her slowly. "You've... got a message waitin'."

She groaned. "Morning..." she begged. "In the morning." She rolled over and pulled the blanket up tighter around her. Keiran sighed and affectionately caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Liis, you need to read it."

The tone of his voice snapped her instantly out of her semi-dreamstate, and she sat up.

He walked across the bedroom to the panel on the wall and brought it up for her.

"I'm up." She stumbled out of bed and over to the wall, clenching and unclenching her eyes, trying to shake the heavy hands of sleep off of her slumping shoulders.

She struggled to focus on the screen, and the instant she did, she froze. Keiran's chest ached as he waited for her reaction, watching as she read the text only security update that Lassiter had sent on the Alchemy's status for him, as the newly appointed Security Liaison to The Alchemy Project.

She choked on her own breath in horror. "No."

She turned on all the lights, and Keiran blinked rapidly to try to adjust to the glare.

She rushed around in a frenzy, knowing that she had to pack. She had to hurry.

Hurry to what, she didn't even know.

Did she listen to her heart and rush to Bajor, or would it be a mistake?

"Liis,"

She began swearing loudly, calling herself a litany of profane terms in self-condemnation. "What the hell is the matter with me? Vacation? I wanted to take a goddamn vacation? I should have been there to command the Alchemy!"

She searched everywhere for her luggage, growing quickly frustrated when she couldn't find it. "Where is my damned suitcase?"

"I've...already started to pack it." Keiran said softly, lifting the case up and holding it out to her. "Mine as well."

She didn't have to ask if he was disappointed that their honeymoon was coming to such an abrupt end; she knew the answer.

She also didn't have to ask if he was hesitant to follow where she'd go; she knew the answer to that as well.

"I wonder how fast we can get there."

"Get dressed, I'll contact the Admiral right away and see what can be done, but," suddenly he was seized by fear for her safety. As she pondered the events that were unfolding on Bajor, she didn't even think to consider the danger that the situation posed to her own health.

Keiran did.

"Liis, think about this." He plead. "The Alchemy is taking Adams and Hartcort to Bajor, they should be there soon if not already. I don't know him, but I can tell you this about her. If anyone can stop what's happening, if anyone can find a way to save them, to save Timal, and Jariel..."

The news from the planet contained the warning that the elderly Vedek who had raised Liis was faring worst of all among those sickened at Altaan, and that the Vedek was, by last report, seriously ill as well. "She can do it. But if you go there, if you get sick,"

"The Sera is under the command of two men who certainly do not need me around to tell them how to do their jobs if the worst should happen." Liis said, her decision clearly made. "I'm going to Bajor."

She grabbed clothing from the pile he'd set onto the bed and turned toward the bathroom to change. She stopped, looking up and into his eyes as he placed himself squarely in her path.

"We're goin' to Bajor. You have to remember somethin'. You're not alone anymore, right? I'm always standin' just over your shoulder. Like your shadow."

She nodded, tears in her eyes, and left him.

He moved to the panel and sent a message to the Admiral, requesting travel assistance and informing her that they would be at the hub and ready to transport as soon as possible.

Just as Liis emerged fully dressed, a loud banging noise came from the first floor.

"What the hell was that?" Keiran frowned.

"Sounded like the door."

"At this hour?" They exchanged a worried glance, and quickly headed down the stairs.

As the pounding continued and grew steadily louder, Keiran called to their would-be visitor.

"Hold up, would ya? We'll be there as fast as we..." he pulled open the door and to his surprise, saw Will standing there. "...can." Keiran paled, knowing that Will would never pay a social call this late, let alone to a man on his honeymoon; let alone holding the item that he was holding in his hand.

He didn't wait to be asked in, instead he pushed past Keiran and stepped directly into the entry way, where Liis had just come to a stop and was staring with her mouth hanging open.

With a swift motion of his wrist, Will flipped the compass open and Liis took a marked step back.

"William," She gasped, closing her eyes a moment to try to brace herself for whatever he was about to say next. "Is what's happening on Bajor an error in the timeline?"

Lindsay tilted his head in confusion. "Bajor? What the hell's happening on Bajor?"

Liis and Keiran shared a look across the room, and finally Keiran found the strength to move toward them.

"There's a Vellat Fever outbreak at the orphanage in Altaan." Liis elaborated." I have to go there."

Will scoffed, laughing bitterly. "You can't go to Bajor."

"Can't I?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because something very bad is about to happen."

"A plague isn't bad enough?" Liis' voice rose and she grabbed hold of Lindsay by the jacket. "People dying isn't bad enou-"

"The Serendipity is going to be attacked by Romulans!" Will shouted, to snap her to her senses.

She narrowed her eyes and shook him once. "I don't believe you."

"Zanh Liis, listen to me," He grappled with her, his own hands on her shoulders now as he attempted to lock eyes on hers. "The Sera was sent to Lethus IV to retrieve a Hugreti artifact. The Romulans know about this artifact and they will intercept the ship."

"The Alchemy should be almost to Bajor by now," Keiran interjected, "The prototype is safe. Why is the compass lit if the Alchemy is-"

"Because Taris is going to kidnap Salvek's daughter."

Liis' eyes widened in horror, and she stumbled backward, simply unable to accept his words as truth.

"No."

"We can't execute a Jump to prevent it, either." Will explained. "With all that's happened to you and the timeline since Vox' damned Cascade there are forty temporal theorists and ethicists back at HQ who are driving themselves absolutely insane trying to figure a way out of this one."

"Liis," Keiran staggered toward her, reaching out to put a strong hand on her arm but she pulled away.

"Salvek?" she asked weakly.

"He's alive, at least for now." Will confirmed.

"Kellyn?" She knew that if Lair's life were to be lost, for all practical purposes, so would Salvek's.

Will shook his head. "She's part of an Away Team that will be on the planet's surface and we can't tell yet if," He stopped. "The decision was made that while they can't risk me going back to try to prevent this from happening altogether, that I can take a ship and get you back into the equation, as quickly as possible without actually taking you back before the event. I can place you within hours of it, though, in the last known location of the Sera. But we have to leave right away."

"I'll get the bags." Keiran took the stairs two at a time, ascending to the bedroom.

"Liis," Will dropped the volume of his voice and leaned close to her, as she held her head in her hands. "I can only take one of you with me."

"What?" She gasped, wondering how this could possibly get any worse.

"Lassiter, she and all of her theorists, they believe that if you and Keiran both," he stopped. "We just don't know how much damage Vox' Cascade and the Paradox did to the line. They feel it's too risky to put both of you into this situation not knowing if."

She grabbed him by the collar, spun him around so that they had reversed positions, and shoved him up against the wall. "Not knowing WHAT." She growled through her teeth.

"If both of you are meant to be alive when it's all over."

Liis' lungs seemed to collapse; leaving her, for a long moment, completely incapable of breathing.

Keiran returned with a suitcase in each hand, his expression one of surprise as he saw the way Liis was pinning Will up against the wall.

"There a problem here?" He asked, one eyebrow arched.

Liis released Lindsay and walked away, unable to look into her husband's questioning eyes.

"I'm going with Will, Keiran." She declared, knowing that TI would consider the danger greater to whoever went with Lindsay than to the one who stayed behind. "You're not."

Keiran dropped their bags. "What didya just say?"

"I said you can't go with us." She stared at the floor as she walked up and retrieved her suitcase. "I'm sorry. I'll contact you as soon as I'm able."

"Like HELL ya will!" His voice resonated through the house. "You're not goin' an'a'where without me! William, talk sense to her will ya? If she won't listen to me, maybe she'll listen to you."

Will's face was a portrait of misery as he closed his eyes and shook his head once.

"What is wrong with the lot of ya?" Keiran shouted, terrified of the idea of being separated from her again, especially so soon, and especially like this. "Liis, won't you hear reason?"

He ripped the suitcase out of her hand and spun her by the shoulders. Tears fell down her face as he put his hand beneath her chin and forced her to look up at him.

"It's my ship, Keiran. My crew. If only one of us can go with him, it has to be me this time."

"Only one of us?" Keiran's eyes widened as he processed her words and their meaning became clear. "No. This can't be happenin'." He closed his eyes and pulled her to his chest. "I won't let this happen."

"We have got to go, Zanh Liis," Will interrupted.

Hearing Lindsay speak again, Keiran withdrew his embrace from Liis and turned back.

"You." His tone was a mixture of agony and rage, the latter emotion being focused directly on the man standing before him. "A word."

He stepped forward, grabbed Will by the back of the jacket and ushered him outside onto the front porch, slamming the door closed behind them.

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-=/\=- Zanh Liis
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012