by William Lindsay and -=/\=- Zanh Liis
Soundtrack: So I've Been Told by Ed Harcourt
Stardate: 101111.20
Concurrent With I Do Declare
Soundtrack: So I've Been Told by Ed Harcourt
Stardate: 101111.20
Concurrent With I Do Declare
-=Starfleet Medical, Behavioral Sciences Wing: Earth=-
To say she stepped forward with trepidation would have been the understatement of the millennium.
As a cold wind rushed and whistled its way through the empty courtyard, she found her hands shaking within the pockets of her jacket. No matter how deeply she dug them in, they refused to take on any warmth.
She came this time to Starfleet Medical not as a patient but as a visitor and yet as her feet dragged along the cobblestone path, she swore she felt little difference. No matter the role she was meant to play, the air itself around her still felt haunted. She heard no other footfalls, nor even traffic in the distance. Even the distant trees seemed to barely move with the wind, as if to say that the chill in the air as it skimmed across the nearby water feature was felt by her alone.
She had intentionally come here alone. She had no idea how she was going to react to actually being in this particular location, and she didn’t want anyone near and dear to her to be around to see just how uncertain she was that she could go through with this.
She only felt any semblance of courage stepping forward because she knew that even after one more step, as long as she was still here alone, she could register any sort of reaction that her emotions may demand of her without fear anyone she knew would see and take note of it.
If one step turned to ten, now nine, that’s when everything would change.
The doors would activate, sensing her approach.
She’d be hit first by the smell, before the sights this place held even began to register.
It was something that they were supposed to have overcome by this point in humanoid evolution, she thought, but they had woefully and epically failed.
Perhaps they could travel at speeds that to previous incarnations of their kinds would have been impossible and seemed too much to even dream of. Certainly they could initiate first contact with species the universe over, and in most cases make at least a peaceful exchange of hellos and how do you dos.
They could not, it seemed, stop a medical building from carrying that same basic stench.
Perhaps it was the lingering smell of uneaten food. More likely, it was the fact that they were still also working on ways to force those who were lost inside the prisons of their own minds into a sonic shower on a daily basis.
Disinfectants had been long since done away with. They were replaced by powerful energy sweeps, capable of killing all damaging bacteria that may come in along with visitors and staff alike. Forcing them to step through a decontamination scanner before they were even allowed into the wards made doubly sure. Still somehow, against all odds the place still had the damned familiar medicinal smell that Liis remembered only all too well.
More than that, she remembered the last intangible component to the smell of this place- a thing which no one could ever possibly rid it of.
It was fear, and that odor bled from the soul of every person kept here in one way or another, in every tear, every drop of sweat and every blood cell within their bodies. It permeated the patients, the people who were to care for them, and most of all those who came to this place not knowing what to expect when they found the person that they were going to see.
For all her experience here, real and then forced into her imagination by way of deception that felt every bit as true, Liis didn’t know what to expect. When she saw the empty, broken man she’d come to see, she didn’t even know how she’d feel.
She also didn’t know why she was doing this, and that was the truth. She told herself it was that it was her report and request that had put him here instead of prison and she had to come here to justify to herself why that was. She just had to see that in any singular, small way at all that he was better off here than there. She didn’t know what the hell she was going to do if she couldn’t find it.
As she passed step five, she felt a heavy burden upon her shoulders. She realized that he might have somehow regained his senses by this point and been asking to go home. She had to stop herself from forgetting that the last time she’d seen him he’d been screaming to the point of exhausting his voice completely. Shortly before that, he had turned his own weapon upon himself and she’d only just been able to prevent him taking permanent and decisive action to finally end his long suffering.
It was only now, as she stood upon the last step of concrete she could occupy before those sensors would kick in and at least the exterior doors of the place opened wide to swallow her up, that she really rethought that decision. Perhaps the most merciful thing she could have done for Brody would have been to let him.
She drew a deep steadying breath into shallow lungs.
She knew she had to see him. She had to know what was still there to see.
So as much as her entire body seemed to fight against her and as her hands still shook at her side, she forced her boot to strike the ground again.
Just as expected, the doors slid open. Just as predicted, the smell enveloped her like a wave that flooded outward.
Now she knew there was no going back and her steps pulled her forwards, until without her knowledge and certainly not with her consent that same door snapped shut behind her.
She was really back here and the beckoning silence of the outer world, was overpowered by the lonely cacophony of doctors deep in discussion as they walked, and the familiar repetitive beeping of some far off life sustaining machinery.
She drew in another balancing breath. Still, she felt she was suffocating.
Surveying the area, decorated in typical Federation décor with potted plants that seemed to struggle to survive here, Liis immediately spotted a young woman, a girl really, at the mercy of a line. There was only one reception area and she was the only available member of staff; expected to have an answer for every query and a solution to every complaint.
Seeing no alternative, Liis moved to take her place at the end of that line that was as least a dozen people long. She hated the idea of having to wait any longer here than the minimum time possible.
Yet she couldn’t ignore that she was here. She couldn’t forget the sounds. She couldn’t ignore the smell. So she just made herself concentrate on the painting of a field of flowers positioned on the opposite wall, staring into it, trying her best to distract her mind from the reality of where she was again. She promised herself that as soon as she finished here the welcoming landscape of Cork would surround her, all sights and sounds and fragrances she'd welcome, because they represented home. Most of all she promised herself that a cold empty metal bed did not await her this night, but that Keiran's strong, loving arms would embrace her as she fell asleep instead.
It was not so easy to believe though; it never was, and as the line moved slowly forward she just found herself drifting back to having been here before.
"Liis."
She jumped inside, and outside as well for all she knew, when she heard a voice call her name. Yet as deep as she was in her thoughts and her memories she didn’t immediately place it.
"Zanh Liis." She turned towards it to see who’d spoken, and she found it was none other than William Lindsay.
"William?" she responded, her mind returning again to the present, though her thoughts still taking a few seconds to truly clear. "What are you doing here?"
"Was about to ask you the same question," Will answered, and there was something very different, something sterner, in his tone than she was used to hearing.
Liis actually paused for a moment as if so unsure about the answer to that question that she didn’t know what to say.
"Brody?" Will asked, getting his answer from her expression without her needing to speak it. "Are ya sure you want to do that?"
Liis didn’t want to admit to her uncertainty, so instead she changed the subject.
"You still haven’t answered my question."
"Before I do, there's somethin' you need to know. Something I want to be the one ta tell ya mehself."
Liis folded her arms, stepping forward only at the urging of the person behind her in line as he impatiently cleared his throat to tell her the line had moved. "Oh?"
"He's back in the Director's chair."
Liis' eyes widened. There was no need to elaborate on who 'he' was. "Good behavior?"
"If you can believe it. Kinda makes ya wonder what constitutes bad to these people, doesn't it?"
Liis showed no reaction. "So what of you then? Seeing him back there finally drive you over the edge?" She made a hollow attempt at humor, again pressing him in her way for the reason he was in this location.
"Am scheduled to make my next jump tomorrow mornin’," Will explained, none of the usual enthusiasm in his tone for the chance of adventure. "They wanted me ta answer some questions before I went."
"A psych eval?"
"No, it wasn’t," Will said, shaking his head with a look of frustration entering his features at what had just happened. "Was supposed to be. Then all they wanted was ta ask me about what happened on the Poseidon. They wanted meh opinion on the actions of the Sera’s officers."
"What did you tell them?"
"Not what they wanted me to," Will answered, knowing Liis knew both him and Temporal Investigation’s love of scapegoats well enough to know what he meant.
"So then you’re definitely leaving tomorrow morning?"
"Aye."
"Without saying goodbye?"
Will looked exasperated, they both knew whom they were talking about him saying goodbye to.
"He won’t listen no matter what I say," Will replied softly; clear fatigue in his words. "What d’ya expect me ta do?"
"I expect you to do what Keiran would do in your place. I expect you to say something whether you think he'll listen or not. I expect you to follow that unwritten code that says that Jumpers never leave anything unsaid."
Will ran a hand back through his hair and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Is not so simple this time." His blue eyes met hers again as he added, "Keiran O'Sullivan will forgive a man an'a'thin where his own trouble is concerned. But when it comes ta you..." he shrugged his shoulders. "Nothin's easy for Keiran where you're concerned."
"Has it ever been?"
He looked away, knowing she'd read him too well to accept a lie as answer.
"We're holding an informal get together in Cork tonight, to reunite the command crew." Liis said. "I'm asking you, Will. As a favor to me." She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing once. It was only then that he realized she was shaking. "Don't leave without at least looking him in the eyes once. If you do, we may all come to regret it. Don't," her eyes searched his for any sign she was getting through. "Don't do that to him. Don't do it to yourself, and don't do it to me."
Will’s lips parted as if to respond, but no words came out. Then before he could find them they were interrupted.
"Can I help you?" The girl tending the line asked at last, and Will stepped aside as Liis approached the desk.
"Captain Zanh Liis, USS Serendipity." Liis said, "I'm here to see Tucker Brody."
The woman scanned the database before her and frowned. "I'm sorry, Captain, but Dr. Brody is not allowed to have visitors."
Liis' shoulders sank. "By order of?"
"Admiral Jonas Vox."
Liis’ eyes narrowed as she and Will exchanged a glance. "I'd like to speak to the attending physician on call."
"Sir…"
"I'd like to inform him that I have clearance from Admiral Gemini Lassiter, and that I will not be leaving until I have seen Dr. Brody. So we can spend all day playing a rousing round of 'whose Admiral has final say' or you can stop wasting all of our time and introduce me to Dr. Brody's attending physician so that I can get in, get out, and we can all get on with our lives."
Will noticed that Liis' diplomatic skills- which were iffy at best under even the most simple of circumstances, seemed stretched to the extreme point of their limits now. The girl sighed, and with the grumbling of the ever-lengthening line behind the Bajoran, she relented.
She pressed a few buttons on the panel before her and motioned for Zanh to step aside. "The Attending will be with you momentarily, Captain. If you would be so kind as to wait over there."
"Thank you." Liis stepped aside, and Will followed, shaking his head.
"Liis are you sure that-"
"No."
He nodded and took a step toward the exit, knowing it was time to get out of her way and let her do what she felt she must. "Cork. Tonight."
"Yeah."
"At the house, you say?"
"I didn't, but yeah."
Will gave her a thoughtful expression and then, in an instant he was gone.
"See you there," she whispered, and then she spun as a door behind her opened and a familiar voice spoke her name.
"Hello, Liis. Been a long time."
The very last of the color drained away from Liis' cheeks. She instantly recognized this man- he had been one of her doctors here in the past, along with Brody. He was not in that role any longer, though, so she took the liberty of addressing him more informally to remind him that as officers they were on equal footing now. "Ellis. I've come to look in on Tucker and I'm not leaving until I do." She pulled a data chip from the interior breast pocket of her leather jacket and held it out to him. "Authorization, signed by Gem Lassiter. You remember Gem. You really don't want to interrupt her busy day to tell her that you've turned me away."
"Why would I turn you away?" The doctor said, his eyes turning venomous as he stepped closer. "You're the one who put him here. It's only right you should see what you've done." He moved back to the door he'd emerged from, and placed his hand against the panel beside it to unlock it. It opened, and Liis' heart leaped into her throat as she realized where she was really about to go.
"Come on." Dr. Ellis Moore said, leading the way. "You want to see? Fine. Follow me. I'll show you what's left of Tucker Brody."
Captain William Lindsay
Temporal Investigations Agent
and
-=/\=- Zanh Liis O'Sullivan
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
Temporal Investigations Agent
and
-=/\=- Zanh Liis O'Sullivan
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012