by Lair Kellyn
100313.05
After Mission Improbable
-=/\=-
“Having done all, stand.’ ~ Ephesians 6:13
-=/\=-
-=Main Bridge, USS Serendipity=-
100313.05
After Mission Improbable
-=/\=-
“Having done all, stand.’ ~ Ephesians 6:13
-=/\=-
-=Main Bridge, USS Serendipity=-
Salvek of Vulcan spun slowly from side to side in the command chair at the center of the bridge of the USS Serendipity.
It was a silent motion, smooth and even in arc as he shifted his feet back and forth ever so slightly against the deck plates. Repeatedly he would sway, just subtly, his hands held in the thoughtful, clasped position in which he usually kept them when deep in concentration.
The scenery around him moved as if outside time and space, frame by frame, like a projector turning at a different speed, as though he didn’t quite fit in with the world he surveyed.
Though deep in thought, the harder he tried to grasp each image in his mind, the more quickly they slipped away. Concentration was something that he was finding impossible on this of all days.
“Is…everything all right, Commander?” Micah Samson asked, unnerved by how entirely uncharacteristic the Vulcan’s behaviour had been all day.
Usually Salvek sat still as stone in that chair no matter the chaos swirling around him. In all the time he’d known and served with him, Micah could never recall having seen him so ill at ease.
“Commander?” Micah repeated, after Salvek failed, at first to answer.
“Is something wrong, Mr. Samson?”
“That’s the question that I asked you, Sir,” Micah’s voice cracked slightly as Salvek’s dark eyes settled upon him fully. He cleared his throat and rephrased his question. “Is there a problem we should be aware of, Sir?”
“No.”
Salvek picked up the PADD that rested on the arm of the chair and began to type on it, trying to appear more focused than he actually was.
A moment passed in silence, save the beeping of the normal displays all around them, and the crew exchanged glances that ran the gamut from slightly anxious to outright worried.
“Computer, what is the time?” Salvek asked suddenly.
^The time is fourteen hundred hours.^
Salvek spoke no more. He just continued slowly pivoting the chair back and forth and staring beyond the device in his hands, his mind far removed from his physical location.
-=The Captain’s Ready Room=-
Zanh Liis’ feet rocked against the deck plates moving in the chair at her desk, seeming to mirror the anxiety and the repetition in Salvek’s movements, even though she couldn’t see him. She twisted the chain of her earring as she spoke to a face on the viewscreen before her. “Are you certain this is what you want, Jariel?”
“It’ll be…too difficult to do this any other way, Captain.” Jariel replied. The image of his empty quarters aboard ship filled the screen behind him, and he was wearing simple, civilian clothing; no longer the all black ‘uniform’ he had worn in his work as Ship’s Chaplain.
“They really wanted the chance to say goodbye,” Liis said softly.
“Say goodbye to a room full of my friends, all at once?” Jariel shook his head. “Bru, and Dabin. Micah. Sue and TC and…” he paused, unable to continue listing those he would be leaving behind. “I can’t do it, Captain. It would be no easier for Fleur, either. In fact, she’s already taken the children and beamed down to Paris. Last I saw they were unpacking at lightning speed.” He raised his eyes to meet hers, and he tilted his head slightly. “It’s not that we don’t appreciate the gesture. We do. It’s just that…”
“You’ve never liked goodbyes.”
“No, and besides,” he sighed heavily. “I don’t think Kellyn and Salvek could take this going on any longer than it already has.”
Liis stopped fidgeting and sat up straighter in her chair. “You’re going through with this, then?”
Jariel’s earring jingled as he nodded. “We are. She’s already down on the planet with my family, and she seems to be settling in.”
“You’re sure it’s for the best?” Liis wrung her hands slightly, then began twisting the rings on her left ring finger.
“They don’t know what else to do, and I want to help, if I can,” Jariel replied. “We’ll…see what happens.”
“It’s an admirable thing that you’re doing. I know that they’re grateful to you, and Fleur.”
“We didn’t hesitate for a moment. If it can help…” His voice trailed off and he pulled something out of his pocket and held it up on display. “What would you like me to do with this, Captain?”
Liis took in the sight of him holding up his combadge and her mind flashed back over years and years of life and times in which they’d lived. Every choice they’d made and step they’d taken, led up to this moment when it was time, again, for their paths to truly diverge and each to make their own way in the universe. She’d known this day was coming for awhile, but now that it was here she still felt the sting in her throat and a burning sensation somewhere behind her eyes.
“I know that you’re in a hurry to go. Just…” she was about to offer to see him off, but again, remembering his hatred of goodbyes, she stopped. “Leave it with Andrew in the transporter room. I’ll get it from him later.”
“Very well. Is there anything else you require of me, Captain?”
Liis sighed now, folding her arms. “I’d like you, just once, not to call me ‘Captain’ before you go,”
Jariel blinked and shifted his weight. “Liis, are you trying to make this harder?”
“No!” She stomped her foot and launched out of her chair, pacing back and forth before her desk. Finally, she leaned her hands down upon the surface, lowering her head as she raised her eyes to meet his again and stared as if right through him. “Just listen to me for a second.” She drew a deep breath. “You’ve waited a long time for this, Camen. All your life, to have solid ground beneath your feet. To have a real home, a family of your own.”
“Now I have it.”
“Yes, you do, and I don’t want you to spend another second worrying about anything else. No one on the ship, not the ship itself. I know you, Jariel Camen. I know how you think, and I know you will worry some.” Her voice implored him as her tone changed again and softened. “Just don’t let worry about the life you’re leaving behind take a moment away from the life you’re meant to live. Be happy, Jariel, for the first time in your life. Be really, really happy.”
He nodded, and a gentle smile lived for an instant upon his lips before it quickly died away. “Be careful out there.”
Liis nodded.
Jariel stood taller, his shoulders back as he hefted a large duffle over his arm. “Permission to disembark, Captain O’Sullivan?”
Liis’ voice was a mere whisper as she smiled at him. “Permission granted.”
The screen winked out as Jariel terminated the signal, and Liis’ smile grew wider, even as she blinked back tears. “Live the life you were born for, Camen,” she whispered. “The one that will finally make you happy.”
-=Transporter Room Two=-
“The Captain said that I could leave this with you,” Jariel said, as he set his combadge down on the transporter panel.
“Sure thing, Vedek Jariel,” Andrew Parrish brought up the coordinates to which he’d earlier beamed Jariel’s family, and the guest they’d taken with them. “Ready to go?”
“Ready to go home, Andrew.” Jariel said definitively, stepping up onto the pad without an instant of hesitation. “Energize.”
“WAIT!” A frantic voice called as the doors flew open. “Jariel, wait.”
Camen set his bag down and descended, heading toward the shaking, tearful Bajoran woman who called after him.
“Kellyn?” He braced her as she teetered from side to side, looking like her knees were going to give out at any moment. “What is it?”
“She forgot him.” Kellyn’s hands vibrated as she held out a small, sad looking stuffed animal that Jariel readily recognized, as it had spent several years, soggy neck tucked beneath Lair Arie’s arm as she toted ‘him’ everywhere she went. “She forgot Raffe.”
“I don’t think she forgot him, Kellyn,” Jariel said gently, as he lowered her down onto the transporter dais and sat down beside her. “A moment, Ensign?”
Parrish wordlessly secured the station and left them alone. Kellyn grasped hold of the small toy with desperation. For days she’d held herself together, not once showing any emotion or shedding a single tear over anticipation of this moment but now that it had come, she seemed to be unable to stop them taking over.
“She would never have left him on purpose.” Kellyn insisted, wringing the poor little giraffe’s neck absently as she clutched him. “She wouldn’t.”
“I asked her specifically if she’d forgotten anything,” Jariel whispered, putting his arm around Kellyn’s shoulders. “She’s already all unpacked. She’s sharing a room with Tress, by choice, even though she could have had one of her own.”
“How could she leave him? He’s her…” Kellyn stopped speaking, wiped her tears away defiantly with the cuff of her sleeve and held the toy out to him. “You have to take him to her. She’ll be lost without him.”
Jariel understood that the panic rising in her was about Arie leaving behind so much more than her favourite toy.
“She’s going to be okay, I promise you.” Jariel whispered, leaning over and kissing Kellyn on the forehead. “I know you’re afraid. I know it’s difficult.”
”Have you ever turned your child over to someone else to take care of and known that soon you’d be unable to reach them?” Kellyn’s eyes narrowed. “Have you ever watched your child turn into a stranger before your eyes without even knowing why?”
Jariel exhaled slowly. “No, I haven’t.”
“Then you don’t know.”
“You’re right. I don’t. I’m sorry.” Jariel continued patiently. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I don’t want any of this. I never did.” Lair droned. “I just don’t know what else to do.”
“I promise I’ll keep you up to date as often as you want on how she’s doing,” Jariel vowed. “I promise, if we even think for a second that she wants to or is ready to come back to the ship, we’ll talk to her about it. In the meantime, we’ll do all we can to help her find her way back to herself. To the emotions that she’s lost.”
“That she has abandoned.”
“Kellyn…”
“I’m sorry. I know. It’s not her fault.” She looked down at the toy again and thought back over the years and wondered what could have been done differently to prevent this day ever coming. Jariel instantly read her expression.
“It’s not yours, either.” He pulled her into a hug, but she remained stiff and still. “Remember that.”
She broke from his embrace and moved toward the transporter panel. She set the toy down on it, beside Jariel’s combadge. Seeing it, she raised an eyebrow at him.
“Would you see that the Captain gets that?” he asked.
“Of course.” Her expression was now as emotionless as he would have expected Salvek’s to be. “Are you ready, Vedek Jariel?"
“Kellyn…” he hated leaving her in the state he knew she was truly in, but she was leaving him little choice. If his life and his training had taught him anything it was that someone who was not yet ready to grieve a loss could not be forced to mourn before they were able.
“Camen, please.” She shook her head. “Don’t.”
He nodded and took his place on the transporter once again. “Hold on to Raffe for her,” he said softly. “She’ll ask you for him, wait and see.”
“Standing by.” Kellyn said flatly, blinking back fresh tears as her shaking hand hovered over the transporter controls.
“Energize.”
Kellyn almost closed her eyes, not wishing to see the emptiness of the transporter pad, as she executed the command.
Instead she watched, as an instant later, Jariel Camen left the USS Serendipity, with her burden rested firmly on his able shoulders.
Now alone in the room, Kellyn uttered a few sorrowful, sacred Bajoran words; a lonely prayer for peace for her daughter and for the good friend who’d finally found his way home.
***************************
Commander Lair Kellyn
Engineering Research and Development
The Alchemy Project
Commander Lair Kellyn
Engineering Research and Development
The Alchemy Project
(NRPG: Thanks to JPW for the most meaningful quote at the beginning of this- and thanks to Mr. Dengar for all his help. The Captain's latest surgeries (yes plural) have slowed up progress, but we are still here and we are definitely still writing. Much, much more to come. ~Zanh Liis O'Sullivan)