by **William Lindsay
and -=/\=- Zanh Liis
81201.23
-=/\=-
-=Flashback: continued from part one=-
and -=/\=- Zanh Liis
81201.23
-=/\=-
-=Flashback: continued from part one=-
Seeing the way that O'Sullivan looked now, though, there was no way that Will could do or say anything that would convey less than a sincere expression of sadness for his suffering.
"I heard what happened. I. I'm truly sorry, Keiran."
O'Sullivan neither moved nor spoke, he simply inhaled and exhaled a cloud of smoke every few seconds, staring off into the distance.
Lindsay took a seat down next to Keiran although the man showed no recognition that he was there. Since it was clear O’Sullivan wasn’t about to turn to look at him, Will opted to look out into the same vast distance that the melancholy Irishman seemed so captivated by. He spoke absently, as if to no one in particular.
“Look, I know you’re mad at me, you’re right to be so and I’m not here to justify what I did.”
Keiran offered no response except the continued consumption of his cigarette. *Good,* he thought, as he was in no mood to hear Will play down what he’d done. There are just some things you don’t do to a mate; you don’t sleep with his wife, you don’t abuse his trust and you certainly don’t abandon him just because you disagree with a choice of his, even if you do think it’s a bloody foolish one.
*Especially not if you think it’s a bloody foolish one.*
“I cannot imagine what it is you’re going through. I’ve seen you go through it before, but I still can not imagine it.” Will confessed. One of the wonderful things about not believing in love was that his heart had never needed stitching back up.
Still Keiran said nothing, he just lowered the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled the smoke slowly.
“Damn it Keiran, I’m not about to let you go in there until you say something.” Will insisted, taking hold of the man’s shoulder.
“What're ya goin' to do?” Keiran asked, still not turning to look at him, “You goin' to hit me again?”
Lindsay released him and turned back to face forward. This moment was all too reminiscent of a memory they both shared from another timeline; when Keiran was preparing for yet another round of resequencing procedures with what would prove to be all too optimistic expectations of finally being free from the curse of lost love.
No matter what, it seemed memories of her always won out, and he always ended straight back here. It was a maddeningly simple cycle. At first he was confused, and then he remembered. Then he was miserable, and at last he had to start it over again and forget because he just couldn’t cope on his own.
“Do you really think it’s going to stick this time?” Will asked.
“Has to.” Keiran said simply. He butted out the cigarette and asked, for the first time directly speaking to Lindsay, “What did you come for Will? Are you lookin' for forgiveness?”
“Not exactly,” replied Lindsay. Truth was, he'd been unsure of really what it was that he’d been looking for from Keiran when he came here. In this moment, however, he realized he'd settle for acknowledgement alone, if he couldn't be granted forgiveness.
“Well, you can have it anyway,” Keiran replied, without emotion.
As angry as part of him still was with Will it was clear that he was trying to make this up to him and this was really not the time to hold a grudge. He sighed as he stood up to begin what may well be his final walk. “Goodbye, William. May we never have this talk again.”
-=End Flashback=-
"What were you thinking about, just then?" Liis asked softly, indicating she'd taken note of just how far away Will had suddenly gone, and for how long.
“Just of worse times,” he answered blankly. “Sometimes it’s easy to forget how many there’ve been.”
Liis could relate to that. She’d long ago lost count of all the times in her life she’d wanted to, but never could, forget.
Time continued to pass and finally Liis decided that she needed yet another cup of coffee, having let hers go cold for the third time in a row without actually drinking any of it.
The letters on the screen were becoming blurrier and she found herself rereading the same line over and over again and then when she did move on, forgetting what it was she’d just read. She rubbed her tired eyes and made to stand up.
“Well, I’m going to continue my quest to work through all of the coffee blends in your replicator before we get to Lethus. Want anything?”
Her voice startled Will to consciousness; he realised that though the ship may not have been running on autopilot, he had been. He shook his head to try to clear it. “I think I’d better have another, myself.” He then switched the controls to automatic and stood up.
Once standing, he brought his hands behind his back and extended his legs in an attempt to work out some of the tension that had built up there from holding still for so long. How some people could spend their entire day sitting behind a desk, he’d never know.
Liis returned her previous cup to the replicator for disposal and ordered again. “Two hot coffees, black." She handed Lindsay his cup, and he thanked her for it.
He inhaled deeply of the scent before starting to consume its boiling contents “Ah, if there’s one thing TI can teach ya it’s how to appreciate a good cup of coffee. Or suffer through a bad one, purely for effect.”
Liis could never argue with that; dependency of caffeine was just one thing that the resequencers could never take out of you.
She gave a weak smile of agreement, it was clear to Will that she had something on her mind. She tilted her head to the side. "Did I ever tell you that it's his fault that I'm addicted to the damn stuff to begin with?"
"Is it now?"
"Yeah. One time...right after our very first Jump as partners, actually. It...it didn't go well and," she paused, "I used the most counter-productive coping mechanism available to me."
"You got drunk."
"Exactly." Her lips turned slightly upward; now forming a bittersweet sort of smile.
She remembered vividly how Keiran had followed her to the bar that night and kept watch over her, as she tried unsuccessfully to drown her sorrows in Jack Daniels.
How he'd carried her back to his place, set her down to sleep in his bed so he knew she'd be safe until morning, and then forced his hulking frame onto his tiny couch for the night like a true gentleman.
She thought of how many times, and in how many ways he'd shown that he loved her, long before the words were ever spoken between them.
Far too many to count.
From the first time in that dive bar, to the time in Sickbay aboard the Sera when he had risked his own life to save hers from the Sylph; Keiran had always done all within his power to protect her.
*How difficult it must be for him now,* she thought, *having to step aside and watch me run head-long into danger without him.*
"Zanh Liis? Are ya goin' to finish yer story?"
"Not much to tell. He was trying to sober me up, and put my first cup of coffee into my hands." She stopped.
She shivered suddenly, taken aback by how strong the memory still was. How strong they all were. It was a struggle, at times, to find definition in the lines between her current reality and all those past.
"It's been a real shock, Will. Recovering all of those memories, overnight." She hadn't spoken of the event so plainly to anyone she could think of, other than Keiran himself. Not in such blatant, black and white terms.
"Scary as hell, to wake up and realize one day that the things about you that you can't explain, that make no sense to anyone, least of all yourself, suddenly make perfect sense when you factor in one thing. One person that you hadn't even known was missing."
She suddenly seemed more than a little lost, and he wondered if just calling it a night wasn't the best thing for her. “I don’t suppose you’ve considered gettin' some sleep yet?” he asked, knowing she’d still refuse.
“I’ll be fine,” she said dismissively, then tried to justify her decision to stay awake with, “I’ve had more sleep since the wedding than I have in years.”
“Really?” he asked with mock curiosity “Having a giant Irishman in the room with you helps ya sleep? It’s always had the exact opposite effect on me.”
“Is that often a problem?” She countered in a teasing tone, trying to change the subject.
“Not often at all as luck would have it,” he replied “Still, there was this one Irishman I used to work with and we’d often take turns sleeping when we were watching someone. Wonderful bloke. If memory serves he ended up marrying some crazy Bajoran woman…”
"Poor bastard." Liis sighed somberly, and then quickly raised a fist into the air, feigning movement as if to hit him with it. "I think I remember that Irishman. He would complain on and on about this old Scottish partner of his. I remember the terms ‘slow-witted’, ‘lazy’ and ‘no fashion sense’ being thrown around often.”
With each fault she suggested Will mocked that he was being struck.
It was then that the joking abruptly ended, as rather than reply with some witty retort Will stopped and asked in a deadly serious tone. “Are you worried about him?”
Her eyes spoke for her as she slowly unclasped her fingers from the taunting fist they had made. Her hand gravitated upward, instinctively drawn to the chain of her earring.
"I only hope that he'll be all right if I don't..." she looked down at the deck, her tall frame bending as a Willow in the wind as the reality of their situation washed over her in full force.
"That's why we're both going to do everything in our power to make certain that you do survive this mission, Zanh Liis," Will replied, placing a reassuring hand on each of her shoulders.
"Because it’s not just your life we’re dealing with here. Every nick, every cut, every drop of your blood that’s spilled will be lost from him as sure as if he’d been in your place. Only when they’re your wounds, they’ll take him so much longer to heal. And I swear if you were struck down by that fatal blow, that no matter where in the universe he was he’d feel it just as hard. Then slowly he’d spiral down and down through misery and pain until eventually, it took his life too.” He added with an all too knowing tone, “There really is no worse way to die.”
Tears gleamed in her eyes at hearing his words, but she would not surrender to them now. She choked them back, clearing her throat softly and just barely holding herself together.
"Well, I consider it my job to see to it that you survive as well, William. I mean, I love Keiran desperately, but I wouldn't be able to abide him trying to learn to play the pipes."
Will's reaction to her remark was not at all what she expected.
His eyes widened exponentially, flashing rage; his hands, so gentle and comforting a moment before dropped down, firmly grasping hold of her arms.
"How the hell do you know about that? He demanded, displaying his temper to her for the very first time since they'd met. "That was a matter of honor. To be kept strictly between the two of us, until the day came when one of us had to be true to our word and-"
Very slowly, she extricated her arms from his crushing grip.
"He didn't tell me about the bet, William." Liis whispered sadly, realizing that Lindsay only thought he understood all that she and Keiran had suffered due to the paradox. She could only hope he never truly would. "You did."
---------------------------------------------
**Captain William Lindsay
(As told by Rada Dengar)
Temporal Investigations
Aboard the USS Vanguard
and
-=/\=- Zanh Liis
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
**Captain William Lindsay
(As told by Rada Dengar)
Temporal Investigations
Aboard the USS Vanguard
and
-=/\=- Zanh Liis
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012