1041: Drowning on Dry Land

By Lair Kellyn and Dane Cristiane
Soundtrack: You Found Me by the Fray
Time: Current

-=/\=-

-=Sickbay, USS Serendipity=-

It wasn't as if the sensation was new to her.

It wasn't as though the gasping, wrenching feeling should be any surprise.

Still, she couldn't help but wonder why she never grew accustomed to it as she sat with the tube of the apparatus between her lips, inhaling deeply of the medicated mist that wafted from it in cold puffs of particularly foul tasting fog.

For twenty years now she'd lived with repeated episodes requiring breathing treatments such as this. With the restrictions placed on her lung capacity after the incident on Bajor that had taken her sister's life and by the boringly routine necessity of changes in medications and medical paraphernalia that accompanied it.

She was lucky to be alive: they'd told her that the very first time she'd opened her eyes to a new and more complicated world and warned her not to forget it. They made it inescapably clear that she should be grateful that she had the chance to try to get used to it at all.

When she thought of little Lair Andra, only seven years old and laying bloodied and broken beneath the ruins that had been a building just moments before the blast, she didn't feel lucky. She wished she could lie down in the piles of dirt and glass and close her eyes instead, if only her sister could've lived on in her place.

She'd felt so panicked that day. The terror remained fresh in her mind, as if the event had only just taken place.

That fear always made it feel even more difficult to take in breathe and Kellyn wondered why, if time was supposed to heal all wounds that as years went on it seemed the pain grew deeper. Nothing could calm her anymore when the terrifying grip of those invisible hands tightened around her throat, wringing the air out of her even as she struggled to take more in. It was in those moments, moments like this one, that she realized that she was after all these years still truly alone.

She regarded the mouthpiece as she now clutched it for a moment between her teeth to give her tired lips a rest from holding it. It was an inelegant, uncomfortable and poorly engineered piece of equipment, and she always promised herself that eventually, she'd get around to designing a more practical version.

Her hand felt too heavy to lift to hold it in place anymore, and though Dalton had reminded her repeatedly that there was a 'perfectly good face mask' she could wear that would be held on with elastic around the back of her head and she wouldn't have to deal with the mouth piece at all, she couldn't bring herself to tell him the real reason that she refused to use it when she was conscious enough to know it was there.

She didn't want to tell him that she couldn't stand the sensation and couldn't stop herself from ripping it from her face even if it was helping her breathe; that the way it felt covering her mouth and nose at the same time as it did made it seem even more like someone was trying to suffocate her than those sinewy, ghostly fingers that enclosed her neck ever more tightly as the moments passed.

She was forced to take the device out of her mouth all together a moment as a fit of coughing seized hold of her.

Her chest felt heavy and sore, her lungs felt like they were still sloshing with whatever dirty water she had managed to inhale beneath the icy surface of the lake on Sibalt. There was a good, simple reason for that and that was that in fact, they were.

They were also teeming with whatever rare and unnaturally created bacteria had found a hospitable environment in that dingy, slimy water; encouraged to grow and mutate and multiply by the equally unnatural changes in the temperature of that water as the weather modification net had been abused beyond all ability to believe.

"Superbugs," Dalton had called them, before starting her on a "cocktail of germ zappin' juice more potent than Granny's moonshine but a hell of a lot less fun" to try to evict said bacteria from its new found home in her lungs.

Kellyn was only grateful to know that Jamie had escaped taking any of it in. Either that or his lungs were healthy enough to fight them off because he was fine now and already back on duty.

It was a very good thing that Jamie was back on duty, Kellyn knew, as the Sera was running on a severe shortage in the Engineering department at the moment and now she and Salvek wouldn't even be available to try to help hold the line until things were back to normal.

Kellyn refused to allow herself to believe in this moment that things would not be getting back to normal, no matter how impossible that seemed today.

With Rada gone...

The thought stopped her cold as she tried once again to process it.

Rada was gone.

He'd been quietly removed from the ship without even a chance to say goodbye to anyone, though Kellyn had to wonder if he would even have wanted one had it been offered. Even if he had, she didn't know how she'd have brought herself to look him in the eye and say that word to him.

She'd only found out about his departure because Arie had been to visit earlier. No one else it seemed had been willing to tell her what her child had so innocently slipped into casual, everyday conversation assuming that her mother was already aware. That surely she'd heard the talk that their friend had gone and no one knew if or when he'd be back but most people were betting that he wouldn't be.

When asked where she'd heard such a disgusting piece of gossip, Arie had become perplexed and tried to explain that it was not gossip; she knew for a fact that it was true. Rada had left for Earth aboard the shuttle Destiny for an undetermined amount of time. Tam had told her, she said, that Rada had taken the trip.

Then, Arie added that it was quite a remarkable coincidence that Tam's mother had also decided to take a trip but that he was staying aboard the ship and he hoped that he and Arie would have a lot of time to play in the days ahead while they were on a break from classes. Kellyn had absently told Arie she was welcome to spend all of the time with Tam that she wished. He was a particularly well behaved little boy. A deep thinker, and Kellyn was grateful that Arie had someone with whom she could share the unique experience of growing up with half Vulcan DNA while a much more passionate side remained locked in constant combat against it.

Kellyn had tried not to hopefully tie the fact that Wren had left shortly after Rada together into anything resembling hope.

It would be hope far too slim to dare entertain because the disappointment sure to follow was, she was certain, entirely too much for her to take right now. False hope was the last thing she needed in the face of the stark realities surrounding her.

Especially with Salvek leaving for Vulcan.

Salvek had already left for Vulcan.

He'd come to explain to her the reasons why he had to go, and immediately she had tried to rise from her sickbed to go with him to face his accusers. She had collapsed upon trying to stand, and Salvek as well as a rather irritated Dalton McKay had simply insisted that this time she was in no shape for travel and must remain where she was.

She tried to tell herself that it would all work out: that there was no way that any logical mind could say Salvek was at fault for what had happened to T'Dara. But forced to remind herself that she hadn't been present to see what had actually taken place and knowing that there had been at least one time in the past when Salvek's judgment had been clouded in the moment when he decided to meld with Taris, she wished she'd had the strength to ask him to explain to her exactly what had happened before he left for Vulcan.

There had been no opportunity for such a conversation even she had possessed the strength to get through it, though, especially given that in light of the inquiry time was one thing that was not on their side. The Vulcans had gotten such a head start in their preparations for the case that the Captain rethought her original plan of the Sera going to Vulcan to deliver their lost officer; she had insisted that they keep T'Dara's body aboard the Alchemy and that they take that ship for the sake of speed to get to Vulcan as quickly as possible so that Zander could continue his work on his side of the investigation there.

Kellyn hated this.

She had a sinking feeling that it was the past coming back to haunt them in some way she couldn't even begin to understand yet. She could only hope that if Salvek did understand that he would speak up and allow Blakeslee to help him as much as he could. She couldn't even allow herself to entertain the idea that he might be found guilty on whatever trumped-up charges the Vulcans were planning to bring against him; yet Salvek, once again showing how deep his logic and ability to face head on the most unpleasant if likely of realities had forced her to imagine that it was a possibility he would not see her again for some time.

He had gently but firmly persisted as she argued, forcing her to also face the idea that the next time they did see each other she only may be able to speak to him from the opposite side of a force field; unable to comfort him, unable to even approach the barrier between them and under the watchful eye of those larger than life Vulcan guards that always reminded her somehow of the Terran depictions of Death himself.

She'd asked the doctor if he could arrange for her to talk to Jariel, only to be told that Jariel had left for the planet as he and Fleur considered options for potentially treating Tress' hearing loss. Kellyn couldn't help but adore the child, everyone on the ship did. Even Zanh Liis and especially a certain gigantic Irishman to whom Tress had finally started to warm up, given that he had provided her with her favorite thing in existence-- the aviator cap and goggles that she wore all day, every day, except when in the bathtub and until Fleur snatched it off her head of blonde curls after she'd finally fallen asleep at night.

Kellyn had prayed silently to the Prophets to protect this child and her guardians, who had already been through so much. Even as she offered her petition though, Kellyn had begun seriously to doubt once again that anyone heard the prayers of her people anymore, least of all their gods.

Reece had improved enough to be allowed to go to Earth for doctor prescribed shore leave, as Hartcort had known that after a point the sagging of Dabin's usually irrepressible spirits was more of a threat to both host and symbiont than a stay at a five star spa resort. Such a luxurious location was exactly where Hartcort had insisted that the Reece family go; and he'd added that if Jariel and Fleur had a few days rest as well while they considered their options and he and Alison Schneider ran some pre-op testing on Tress between trips to the pool and the game arcade that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to keep the child happy and distracted.

Jariel had asked Vol to come along on the trip too, and February had confided quietly to Kellyn before they'd left the ship that she was grateful for this because she was worried about Jariel and Fleur as they struggled with their most difficult parenting decision so far and that she hoped the Counselor could help them reason out the options and make the decision they'd be most comfortable with.

The ship was truly silent.

All other inpatients had been discharged from Sickbay by this point and as the environment grew quieter and quieter the only sound left was that of all the equipment that was attached to her directly, and that made the incessant beeping and chirping, clicking and whirring seem so much more of an unbearable assault upon her ears.

"Anything I can getcha?" Dalton poked his head around the curtain suddenly, as the breathing treatment finished its course and the machine fell silent.

Kellyn shook her head.

"Well if you decide you are in the mood for company," he offered. He couldn't help but have a soft spot for Lair, after all, he was who he was largely because of her choices in choosing his parameters. There was another sound behind him, and he flashed her a grin. "Well, looks like you've got company whether or not you are in the mood." He looked to his left, then back at Lair. Kellyn heard an odd clinking sound and her head tilted to the side in curiosity as to what it could be.

"Is it all right?" a familiar young voice asked.

"Well..." Dalton scanned his medication database and reluctantly nodded. "It ain't Granny's moonshine but I guess a sip or two couldn't hurt her."

"Thanks."

"A sip or two...not the whole thing, mind you boy." Dalton pulled the curtain back a little ways and revealed the face of Kellyn's visitor.

It was Dane Cristiane, and in his right hand he held the necks of two familiar looking brown bottles. In the other, he held a bottle opener.

He gave Lair a sideways glance, and she couldn't help but smirk. Given their history, his choice of 'get well soon' present was a highly amusing thing.

"It's dead down at Illusions tonight." Dane announced, as he set the beer bottles and the opener down on the table before Kellyn and pulled up a chair beside her bed. "O'Sullivan told me that a TI agent should never drink alone. So I hope that you'll join me even if the doc says you can only have a little."

"TI agent already, are we?" Lair's smile widened, though her eyes failed to match up with the rest of the expression. "I thought that you were still just a cub security guard."

"Maybe I am today." Dane admitted, "But hell, if Landry Steele can attain the title, I think that you should have enough faith in me to think that I will."

"Point taken." Lair nodded toward the bottle of beer closest to her. "So do I have to open it myself or what?"

"Sorry, Commander. Allow me." Dane popped open both bottles and after handing one to her, he raised his toward her. "What shall we drink to?"

"What we usually drink to."

He nodded and prepared to tip his bottle to hers. "To better days."

"Better days," she echoed, though her voice told the story for her that she had little remaining faith at the moment that those days would come any time soon.

Cristiane had never seen her with so little of her natural resilience in evidence, and it nagged at him. Seeing Lair without her stubborn streak was like seeing Zanh Liis without her bitchy streak and both seemed to be crimes against the natural order of things.

It would be like seeing February Grace renounce articles of clothing in the color pink. It just was not meant to be.

"Commander," he began.

"Dane," she interrupted.

"Yes?"

"We're drinking beer. Call me Kellyn."

"Kellyn." He took a sip from his drink, running his fingers up and down over the condensation on the glass before trying to get a firmer hold on the bottle. "What's going on...with Salvek. It's not right. And what happened with Rada, well it just sucks. There's no other way to put it."

"Yeah." Kellyn was now very grateful for the access Cristiane had given her to a real alcoholic beverage and she drank deeply of it, so much so that it caused him to reach up and gently tug the bottle back from her lips.

"Hey, he said only a sip or two, slow down there cowgirl."

"What's it going to do, kill me?" Kellyn laughed bitterly. Then she wagged a weary finger at him. "You'd best watch yourself, little boy, or I might have to use that bottle to try to improve upon your mind again."

Now Dane was the one who laughed. "Nah, you wouldn't do it again, not now. We." He thought about how, if anything good could possibly have happened for him in all that had taken place on the Alchemy during the battle with the Domox it was that it had allowed him and Lair to get to know each other, and they trusted and appreciated the other's talents in a way that they never could have if not for the way they'd been forced to in battle. "We know each other too well. You know I'd never hit you with a bar stool and I know you'd never brain me with a bottle of beer...again."

"He can be taught." Lair drank from the bottle again before reluctantly knowing she should set it aside. "What happens if," she thought aloud, her eyes clouding over and staring off at the space somewhere beyond the wall.

"If what?"

Kellyn turned her eyes back to him and for the first time he could ever remember, he saw true fear there. "What happens to The Alchemy Project if Salvek goes to prison and Rada Dengar goes mad? Or worse." Kellyn stopped, she wouldn't allow herself to think of anything worse.

"What happens is that Lair Kellyn carries on the work she was born for." Dane said in low, reassuring tones. "At this point I think you're the only person in the program who doubts your ability to do it."

"I can't do it alone, Dane. I've never done it alone and," she shook her head. "I can't."

"You could. But you won't have to." He reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "Before you know it, you'll be back in the lab, Rada will be back in Engineering and Salvek will be back to going between your work and the bridge. It'll turn out. You'll see." Now the previously hinted at smirk upon her face was fully realized.

"By the Prophets. Did I just get an optimistic pep talk from the black cloud of doom himself? Did Dane Cristiane just try to encourage me?"

"He tried very hard, actually," Dane looked up as he saw Dalton in the entryway, pointing to the chronometer on the wall. Lair needed her rest, and the LMH was going to be certain that she got it. "You hang in there, and if there's anything I can do in the meantime," Dane stood up and took both beer bottles and the opener back into his hands.

"You've already done it. Thank you, Dane."

He moved toward the door and she called after him.

"Better days?" Her voice was almost childlike in its plea, and for once Dane found himself in the unlikely position of being the emotionally stronger party in a conversation.

"Yeah, Kellyn," he reassured her, moving closer to her and leaning down to place a soft kiss on top of her head. "For us all."

"Wait." Kellyn grasped hold of his sleeve and tugged on it, indicating she had something more to ask before she let him go. "Dane, how is Gira?"

The look of purposeful optimism in his eyes evaporated into nothing.

Now he found that he couldn't speak; all he could do was give a barely perceptible shake of his head in reply. It was more of a definitive answer than words ever could've been.

"Better days for her too then, right?" Kellyn's misted eyes tried to repay the kindness he'd shown her moments before, but as he softly thanked her for the thought and made a hasty exit, the fact that he was also struggling himself against the idea of a future he didn't want made the fact that he'd come here to comfort her even more extraordinary.

Commander Lair Kellyn
Engineering Research and Development
The Alchemy Project

and

Ensign Dane Cristiane
Temporal Investigations Intern
USS Serendipity NCC-2012