885: Eyes

by Rada Dengar
90530.23
After Casting the Lure

-=Main Engineering; USS Serendipity=-

From the very moment Rada stepped into Main Engineering, he was deadly aware that he’d become the immediate centre of attention. Concerned eyes turned to him as awkward ones turned away. They were people all wondering, worrying, about the fact that he was here. He may not be the telepath, she was dying, but he knew just what they were thinking.

They were thinking that he should be by her side. That somehow what had happened had completely wiped him of all Engineering skill and that the best contribution he could make to this ship was to be locked away in a small room in the dark with his thoughts. When he’d left sickbay that’s basically where he’d gone instead of coming here, attempting to work out just how he was going to get through this very moment. They didn’t think he was coping, didn’t think anyone could be, and so every one of them was wondering just how they could force him into facing that fact and breaking down as they’d decided was the proper etiquette.

Rada had decided that he didn’t much care for what other people thought was the right way to handle this. This was where he wanted to be and they could go to hell if they tried to tell him he couldn’t. He was still the Chief Engineer on this ship and no one was going to stop him.

On the outside everything was normal, in fact everything was better than normal. There was a smile on his lips, he had purpose in his eyes and his rapid steps were not those of a man left lethargic by concern. He was perhaps the only one here who was outwardly their normal self.

All around him people whispered when normally they’d speak. Work had ground to a halt but no one wished to admit it. They stood at their consoles with hands hovering over the controls, afraid that if they even dared to press a button then they’d lose their opportunity to eavesdrop on the first words he’d say.

Some were pretending not to notice him, keeping their backs turned. However each time he turned to face them they could feel the eyes of a man not quite there, they immediately began to appear to work again.

Rada was hunting all around for the one man in Engineering that he thought would understand. Someone who’d see no demands he could make as unreasonable. Someone who wouldn’t judge him. Someone who could see the need for a smile in times like these.

“Jamie.”

There was no response.

“Jamie?”

Still nothing, just silence clogging the already thick air around him.

Those few who’d had the decency before to avert the eyes were now exchanging glances. The whispers had fallen to silence as they had a wordless conversation about who would have to tell him.

In the midst of this extensive debate which could perhaps have lasted an eternity, one brave man who’d not even been consulted cleared his throat.

It was Lieutenant Barlow, possibly the oldest of his Engineers. He wasn’t long from retirement and had been with Starfleet so long that time had bleached his hair stark white. He always kept it short and neatly trimmed, just as his uniform was never in anyway out of order.

He wasn’t normally the type who caused waves. He was a quietly proud man, the type who kept mostly to himself and only asked that he be allowed to do his duties his own way. With the experience he had, that was fine with Rada. Aside from asking him to show the ropes to a few newly transferred officers, Rada had never really had any reason to speak with him but they’d always gotten along well enough.

He wasn’t a tall man but he was a solidly built, slow moving type and he made a point of walking over to Rada before he spoke. He had a slight slouch to his back which was especially obvious as he moved, but he never let it get in the way of looking someone straight in the eye.

“I’m afraid Crewman Halliday isn’t here.” Barlow said in his normal soft, slow speaking way. “I believe Commander Lair took him with her on the Alchemy.”

*Of course he isn’t here.* Rada scolded himself, he should have known better than to think anything could be going right for him now.

For the briefest fraction of a second, Rada’s lips seemed to curl as he sucked them into his teeth and his back tensed up, but he quickly bounced back to his illusion of normality.

“Okay then,” Rada said in a perfectly dismissive tone. “In that case, I’ll just have to tell everyone now.”

He turned around the room, ensuring that everyone was watching as he spoke in his most authoritative voice.

“We’ll soon be receiving an unwelcome delegation from the security department.”

Any other time this would have been followed by the usual groan of professional Engineers not wanting to have someone standing over their shoulders. Now though no one responded, there were bigger things on their minds.

It took all Rada’s strength not to notice.

“We’ll just have to do our best to ignore them and get on with our work. Now we all know what security officers are like, they seek out danger, so please do your best not to spook them.”

It should have been a joke, their silence said they didn’t think it had been. No one wanted to face him, no one except the ever quiet Barlow.

“Our top priority has to be enhancing the shields. We do not know what exactly we’re up against. We have no idea if our weapons will be effective against it. All we do know is that we don’t know enough to assume that we’ll be protected. By now I’m sure you’ve all seen the data I sent over from the Zenith so I don’t believe I need to explain it to you.”

No one was responding, their questioning eyes just demanding to know how long he thought he could keep up this illusion.

He looked around, hunting for acknowledgement that he’d even spoken. It was Barlow who finally offered him that acknowledgement.

“No you don’t, Commander.” He said quietly, not really caring for himself about the attention of the others but knowing Rada didn’t need this. “What are your orders?”

There was a brief pause as Rada almost slipped, his face dropped as thoughts of Wren almost hit him, but he managed to push them back down. He forced the smile to return to his face and spoke with utter confidence.

“I’ll need someone to liaise with tactical on developing a programme for randomizing shield modulation.”

No one was going to volunteer, most looked down to their feet, but one young woman accidentally met his eye line.

“Ensign, I’d appreciate it if you’d do that.”

She nodded and all eyes watched her as she took her hurried steps out the door. Only then did Rada continue.

“The rest of us will need to work on applying Desmarais’ algorithm to the shield configuration.”

With those words the glances turned from concern about how he was coping to questions about his sanity. He knew they wouldn’t understand why he’d chosen this, but he was in charge here and they had to listen.

They were listening, but they weren’t moving.

“That’s it,” Rada confirmed, a soft laugh entering his words as if he thought it was funny that they’d missed that.

Still, no one moved.

The laughter abruptly left his words. His eyes lost their previous determination, replacing it with desperation as he looked around for someone who’d respond.

Again Barlow was the one to break the silence.

“That’s an unusual choice, sir.”

“Yes, it is,” Rada acknowledged, frustration sneaking in between his words, but he tried to seem like he was amused. “But then I’m an unusual man, aren’t I?”

There was no laughter, no response.

Rada’s face dropped as he spoke slowly through gritted teeth directly now to Barlow.

“It’s still what I think is best.”

The man just slowly nodded his acknowledgement, before he began to speak again in his always calm tone.

“Of course, and we respect that. You’re the chief and we’ll accept this decision. It’s not that we’re not willing to attempt it. It’s just that Desmarais’ work while theoretically sound has never been practically applied to a ship this size.”

“No, no it hasn’t,” Rada admitted with just a hint of a stutter as he shook his head and shifted uneasily as he stood “but the theory is no different”

“In previous instances when it’s been applied the modified resistance was negligible. That’s not true of a ship this size,” Barlow gently reminded him.

“Then we’ll just have to account for it,” Rada said slowly approaching him, facing down Barlow who now felt more like an adversary than one of his Engineers.

“And how do we do that?” Barlow asked quietly, meeting Rada’s focused eyes.

Rada cringed, deeply drawing the surrounding air in through his nose then rapidly letting it out in a vain attempt to release his frustration. He spoke quickly, trying to seem like this were a simple matter. No one could miss that he was speaking directly to Barlow.

“Simple, we regress resistance against adaptive iterations.”

“That could work,” Barlow acknowledged and in his pause Rada almost thought he was done “but how do we make adaptive iterations without lowering the shields?”

“A dual configuration base,” Rada replied, just slightly defensively.

Barlow had no desire to argue and he allowed Rada a moment to gather his thoughts before he asked gently. “And where do we obtain the data for the transitive states?”

There was a pause as Rada realised he didn’t know. His breathing started to get heavier as he knew everyone around him was realising it too. He tried to focus, demanded answers from his mind. Then his face lit up as it hit him and he quickly rattled off his explanation.

“We can get an approximation by interpolating between the values for the simplified states.”

He exhaled and he almost genuinely smiled, feeling he’d caught Barlow now.

He hadn’t. Barlow didn’t want to do this, but he realised he had to.

“Okay, sir, and how do we compensate for the narrowing field density?”

Rada’s eyes narrowed, as he gritted his teeth and searched Barlow for some sign that he’d ever give up.

He couldn’t cope with this much longer, he had to get out of here. So he summoned all his strength as he simply insisted.

“We find a way.”

Then he turned rapidly around, loudly addressing the entire room as he stormed along the floor.

“We have in this department some of Starfleet’s finest minds and solving problems like this is what we do. That’s what we’re here for. We spent years at the Academy learning how to do just this. We have to…”

He stopped, taking his head into his hands, then he threw his hands down and resumed his pacing.

“We simply have to make this algorithm work.”

He turned around taking in all the eyes in the room of people ranging for concerned that he may be about to collapse to those terrified about what he may do.

Realising what he was doing, he made himself stop. Slowly he let the air escape his lungs as his closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds.

He continued on calmer.

“I know that you all probably think that I shouldn’t be here and that I can not be objective.” He admitted. “However, if what’s happened has effected my judgement in any way it’s that it’s made me more determined than ever to ensure this ship is secure.”

He turned back around to Barlow, “So I’m asking you,” He ensured he was looking Barlow straight in the eye; “I’m asking all of you, to believe me when I say that I know what I’m doing here. I need you to trust me when I say that this is what we have to do.”

He could hear the emptiness as his words were allowed to echo around the room. People stared, no one moved, then Barlow spoke once more.

“You heard the chief.” He said, addressing them all. “Let’s get to work.”

Then finally all the eyes turned away.

Lt. Commander Rada Dengar
Chief Engineering Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012