by Rada Dengar
80617.22
After Thrown
-=Office of the Chief Engineer; USS Serendipity=-
80617.22
After Thrown
-=Office of the Chief Engineer; USS Serendipity=-
Rada couldn’t stop shaking as he forced his hands back through his hair. His fingers were so numb that were it not for the pain as the strands were dragged against their roots then he’d not have even known he was doing it.
It wasn’t just his extremities that had lost all feeling. Every inch of his body, every aching, inflamed cell in his mind; it was like they’d been dampened down to near nothingness. He felt so heavy, so very tired, as if he was trapped under an ocean as it constantly grew heavier with water pouring in at an ever increasing rate.
That invisible wall he’d so feared was no longer in the distance. Each second he experienced a new sensation of touch where he could swear he’d just reached it. They were so real and before he could even allow himself the time to process that one feeling was false he felt a new more powerful one burn through.
Part of him wanted so much to escape this tiny room and this tiny ship and just to be somewhere he could be free from his thoughts. He just wanted so much to run and run until it was either all over or he collapsed from exhaustion.
He’d gone beyond just his papers now. Even the walls were covered in his equations, those same symbols repeated a thousand times without solution. His eyes were locked onto the screen of his computer as he scanned by hand every single theory, every piece of evidence and every crazy thought about particles not just Varion but every other kind.
“Just one piece left,” he quickly and desperately muttered under his breath; that was truly all he needed.
He’d combined every single variable, every piece of data until the scribbled notation all around the room had been compressed into a simple, beautiful equation. Only it was meaninglessly infinite in its possible outcomes and he couldn’t peg it down to one. He needed one more piece of information, one thing about Varion particles that he’d yet to take into account so he could make it all work. However he wasn’t sure there was anything left.
His words fell on the deaf ears of the room around him as he no longer even heard them himself. The chattering of his teeth and the shaking of his arms no longer made any sound he could know. There was nothing but the horrific isolation of silence vibrating through his ear drums, yet suddenly it was like there was something he could hear.
“R…”
He almost jumped out of his seat, but he dismissed it as there was absolutely no time to be distracted right now. He had to go faster; this rapidly flickering computer interface was painfully slow already.
“Ra…”
There it was again, a familiar voice from nowhere which could have no bearing on the here and now.
“Rada.”
That voice it was so familiar. His heart began pounding as it struck him who it belonged to.
He jumped up from his chair and rapidly span around to where it sounded like it was coming from.
Yet as he stared at the wall so close to his face he could see there was no one there.
This couldn’t be. He turned back to where he’d been facing, taking in every detail and every absence from this room.
He almost screamed as he took his head into his hands. His mind was playing tricks on him, taunting him with her voice. There was no hope, there was nothing here, but it’d distracted him as if his own consciousness has turned cruelly against him.
His breathing was getting heavier as his legs fell from under him and he collapsed back into his chair. He tried to instantly return to his work, to watching his screen, but that viciously meek voice wouldn’t leave him alone.
“Rada. Listen to me, Rada.”
It was a voice but it wasn’t real, just a sort of essence pulling at the back of his mind. He closed his eyes as tight as they would go, preparing to tell the computer to drown this out with audio output when he realised what he saw wasn’t his thoughts.
This wasn’t the darkness of his imagination he expected when he closed his eyes. He was somewhere new, a land of shadows where detail was too blurred to make out but he knew this place was somehow familiar.
“Rada.”
There it was again, but here it was so much louder. Yes it was her voice and in this world cast in greyscale one image shone of vibrant colours in the distance.
It was a tiny figure, she looked so sad and unlike herself, yet there no doubt in his mind it was her.
“Wren!”
He didn’t know what was happening, but he didn’t care; he knew he had to find his way towards her. He tried to, but there was no ground beneath him and his feet just slipped like he was treading in water.
Then as the world around him began to take on definition his soles suddenly jarred against a hard surface. He realised now he was running and as the shadows took on form he could tell he was barefoot on concrete.
“Rada...” Came her voice getting softer, yet her mouth seemed not to move.
Somehow even within his mind there was a second where he blinked and when his eyes opened she was no longer in the distance.
He began to panic as he turned rapidly around taking in his vast surroundings. It was still too dark to make out any details but the landscape was covered by small structures off of the horizon.
“Rada!” She called, sounding more urgent.
“Where are you?!” He screamed in to the distance, yet he was greeted with nothing but silence.
“How can I be hearing you?” He asked the surrounding emptiness. “I know you’re still unconscious in Sickbay.”
There was no response; it was like she was gone. Yet he could still feel her presence all around him. It wasn’t just the person, it was this place. He’d been here before, they’d been here together.
He almost collapsed as he remembered stories of the dying appearing to the loves they left behind, yet his face lit up as he told himself there was one alternative.
“You’re reaching out to me from Sickbay. Somehow you’re using your telepathic abilities to reach me!” He almost laughed. “To tell me that you’re still in there somewhere!”
There was no confirmation, but no denial.
“That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?”
There was still no response, yet somehow he knew that he had to be right.
A feeling of stark horror suddenly washed over him.
“No, wait you have to stop this. This could give them something to target.”
She wasn’t listening, she couldn’t hear what he was saying, yet there was no sound clearer in his mind than her sweet voice.
“Come to me, Rada,” she pleaded, and as she did it seemed her voice was getting softer.
She was fading, she was slipping away and no force of man nor God could convince Rada to allow it. Instantly he was running as fast as his legs were able to take him.
“Rada…” Her voice was getting quieter again.
His pursuit was rudely halted as he tripped, slamming into the ground. His knees were split open by the concrete, yet he now had no time for pain.
He could feel something beneath his fingers. The earth was gritty, like sand, and as he felt it suddenly the world was coming into colour.
He could hear waves crashing violently around him as the air became thick with the lingering taste of the ocean. Those dark objects in the distance were boats, the same boats from when they'd last stood here.
This was San Francisco Bay at a vibrant sunset; they’d walked this very beach and seen the same beautiful spectacle the first night they’d made love.
Suddenly she was standing in front of him, dressed just the same and just as beautifully as she’d been on that wonderful day all those years ago.
Before he could speak, or even think, he made sure he was holding her in his arms. He gripped her tightly, as he savoured every sensation and swore to himself that he’d never let her get so far away again.
Yet something felt wrong. Her body was limp, her eyes staring off into the distance as she spoke without emotion.
“Rada, you have to stop what you’re doing.”
“What do you mean stop?” He said, suddenly feeling very bewildered as he locked his heart onto her absent eyes.
“You have to stop what you’re working on.”
“No,” he said, desperately shaking his head. “it’s the only way to save you.”
“You can’t save me.” She said softly, not seeming to care.
“I can!” He pitifully objected, shaking her limp body to try to force some sense into her.
“You have to let me go.”
“No,” He insisted, his eyes suddenly filling with tears as he hugged her in tighter. “I can’t let you.”
“You must let me go.” She repeated without feeling.
“I can’t!” He cried, but she wasn’t listening.
“I’ve accepted my fate.” She said with soft indifference.
He started shaking violently as the tears dripped down his face. This couldn’t be true, she couldn’t be giving up. With every ounce of strength he could muster in his failing body he forced his eyes to truly open, snapping himself back to the reality he’d come from.
This was his office, he was back, and he swore that his mind must have been playing another cruel trick on him. He promised himself it couldn’t have been real, yet a chill still passed down his spine as her final, gentle words echoed through his soul.
“Eventually, we all must die.”
Lt. Commander Rada Dengar
Chief Engineering Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
Chief Engineering Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012