71209.3
Immediately Following Words Fail
-=-Aboard the Alchemy=-
"She is suffering."
Those three words haunted every officer on the bridge of the USS Alchemy, echoing through their minds again and again as they made the transwarp jump, came out of it safely, and then resumed course at maximum conventional warp.
*The man hasn't spoken in years,* Dabin Reece thought to himself, *And the first words he is forced to say convey that the woman he loves is suffering.*
February could not help but pick up on Dabin's pain at seeing his friend Jariel this way, and his worry over his other friend Zanh Liis, as well.
*She is not the only one who is suffering,* Bru thought back sadly. She began to fidgit in her seat, drumming her fingers against the helm, her feet tapping out a consistant, nervous rhythm against the deck plates beneath her station. She wanted to jump up and go after Jariel. To see if she could do, or say, anything to help the man who had been of so much help to her. The one who was always, without fail, there for everyone else to comfort and console them in times of fear and sorrow.
If he couldn't talk to, and lean on Zanh Liis to help shoulder his own troubles, who could he turn to?
"Is there something wrong with your chair, Lt. Grace?" Salvek finally asked, observing that February could not hold still.
"I'm sorry, Sir. It's just that," she stopped.
"Go on," Kellyn prodded as she monitored the engines very closely from her station nearby.
"I've. . .never heard the Vedek's voice before now." Bru concluded. It was then that Salvek realized that only he, Kellyn, and Reece, of all on the bridge now, had ever heard the Vedek speak in the past. No wonder everyone was so awestruck.
"I wish I had the time to find out how his voice has come back," Kellyn said. "But I can't go after him now. My hands are full trying to hold this monster together."
"We've already made the jump to regular warp and the course is laid in," Bru bit her lip and turned large blue eyes toward the Vulcan behind her. "Sir, please, might I just have a little while to,"
Salvek, Reece and Kellyn exchanged glances, and Salvek stood from the command chair. He had experienced the same feelings of helplessness and fear that Jariel was suffering now at points in his own past, and he disliked the thought that a man as good as Jariel would think that he was alone during such a time.
"Go, Lt. Grace. See if there is anything that can be done for him." Salvek took the helm himself, and February nodded to Dabin as she turned, got into the turbolift, and took a deep breath.
She had no idea what she was going to say, but she knew she had to say something.
"Computer, locate Jariel Camen."
^Jariel Camen is in crew quarters twenty-two alpha, on deck four^
"Deck four." she instructed, and as soon as the doors opened, she was taken aback. Jariel wasn't just speaking now. He was screaming.
A very distressed looking Fleur Le Marc was retreating down the hall, away from Jariel's location. February wondered if the woman had tried to speak with him and failed.
Regardless, this was something that she felt she owed to him, and before she was finished, she would at least be certain that he knew she was someone who could be counted upon, no matter how bad things got.
The doors were not locked, and opened as soon as she moved to ring the chime. Jariel was on his knees, shouting, half in Bajoran, half in Universal Standard. His hands were also gesturing wildly in signs, as it had become so natural for him to speak that way that he did not think to stop.
"She has never done anything but try to protect me. Why can't you just let us be? What more do you want from me? I'll give you my life, if you will take me in her place. Please," Jariel's voice dropped in volume from a shout to a small whisper, as he rested his arm, and his head, against the wall. "Please, take my life instead."
February noticed that he was kneeling in a pile of dirt and broken pottery, and she saw that his knees were bleeding through the torn fabric of his pants. He was apparently unaware of this, or didn't care, and she knew he was too distraught to hear her approach.
She thought it unwise to try to put a hand on his shoulder without warning him first that she was in the room.
"Vedek," As close as they were as friends, somehow she felt it improper to call him by anything but his title in this moment.
Jariel startled and turned to look at her. He made no attempt to try to hide the fact that he'd been crying. "February?" His voice was actually hoarse from all of the yelling he'd done since leaving the bridge.
Awestruck by the sound of him speaking her name, she approached slowly, offering her hand to try to pull him from the floor. His eyes gave a warning and he accepted her hand, but did not try to rise.
"I cannot stand," he explained softly. "My knees, they," his breathing came in halting gasps, like a child that has been crying so long they are about to fall asleep from exhaustion. "They keep buckling."
"Then we will sit together." She used her boot to brush away some of the shards of planter and the small pile of potting soil beside him, and sat next to him.
"I need to be alone," he objected, but the words were merely his automatic response, devoid of any real meaning or desire.
"I will leave you alone soon, I can't stay away from the bridge long," February replied. "But first, I need to know that you're going to be all right. We all need to know," she gestured with her eyes to the ceiling above, indicating the general direction of the bridge. "We're afraid for you."
"I'm afraid for her," Jariel replied. "They told me. That her time is at an end." He looked at her, his expression helpless, his voice shuddering with desperation. "I cannot live without her, February."
"Who told you?" She tried to fight back her own urge to cry at seeing him in so much pain. She wanted so badly to be strong for him.
"The Prophets," he explained. "They told me that her time was over, and that they would allow me a chance to. . ." he didn't want to say the words, so he signed them instead. [[Mourn. To grieve for her. They insisted that it was time for me to use my voice to once again speak their word, and they gave it back to me just as easily as they had taken it to begin with.]]
"Wait," February looked at him sideways, "The Prophets are the ones who took your ability to speak? How do you know that?" She had never heard this particular variation of the story of how Jariel lost his voice, and she was confused. She thought that it was purely a medical side-effect of the stroke he'd suffered while he was on Deep Space 23.
"I know," Jariel finally spoke again, "Because they told me that, too."
He looked at the face of this young woman, so honest, so open. She had shared so much of herself with him when he'd participated in her Zhian'tara and afterward, he knew that he could trust her with this.
"The day that I collapsed, on the station," he lowered his voice to a whisper. "They warned me that my course was reckless and that I shouldn't insist on pursuing it. . ."
--=Flashback=--
He could hear nothing now except the amplified sound of his own heartbeat, drowning out everything and everyone around him. Then he saw the flash.
The Prophets spoke to him, taking the form of people familiar to him, as was their customary method.
"Your faith is wavering, Vedek Jariel." The Prophet taking on the appearance of Salvek spoke first.
"My faith in you is strong," Jariel protested. "I have not faltered."
"That is a lie. Your resolve is crumbling. You doubt your ability to remain our dedicated servant."
"Jariel is corporeal. Linear. He seeks knowledge that is outside his purview. He does not follow the will of the Prophets." The Prophet appearing as Kellyn spoke next.
"I want to do your will." Jariel spun around to face the second apparition, finding instead Salvek's image over his shoulder once more.
"You do the will of your imperfect heart. You serve your desires."
"Why is it wrong for me to want to know the truth? So that I can make her believe in you as I do? So that I can help her?"
"Zanh Liis is fleshly. She has no desire to serve the Prophets," Salvek responded. "Jariel knows this. He wishes only to save Zanh Liis from herself. She is incapable of having faith in us."
"She would be capable if she had seen something besides suffering in her life!" Jariel grew angry now, and he clenched his fists. "You haven't let her know you the way I have. It's no wonder that she-" Jariel howled as the pain in his head became unbearable.
"He defends the one who blasphemes us," Salvek's voice declared.
"Jariel's vision is unclear as to which path he should follow," Kellyn responded judgmentally.
"He will not keep to the way of the Prophets. He should be given no more visions." Now it appeared to be Dabin Reece who spoke.
"The truth of his nature will become evident," Salvek responded. "His faith will be tested. We will see whether he is worthy."
Jariel couldn't speak, the pain was too great. He couldn't respond aloud to their accusations, but they understood his emotions.
"Jariel is angry! He wants to know the truth." Salvek added.
"He does not understand the consequences," Kellyn replied. "He is determined. He will not give up seeking until all is revealed."
"He will have to make the ultimate choice," Salvek responded. "He will determine his own worth."
"It is finished," Reece agreed, and in one instant, the rest of the knowledge of all of his past interactions with Zanh Liis flooded into his consciousness.
There was too much information for his mind to handle or process, and Jariel went limp and dropped to the floor, in his vision, and in reality.
--=End Flashback=--
"I wanted to know all that Liis had been through for me. All the ways we had met and parted, so that I might help her to cope with the memories, somehow," Jariel explained softly. "I never thought that. . ."
Suddenly, his shoulders shook again and he held his head in his hands. February found that she could no longer hold back her own tears, either. She gathered him up into her arms and held him tight, and he didn't fight her.
"We are going to get her out of this, Jariel," she promised, "Zanh Liis is strong, whatever is happening to her, she won't give up without a fight. She won't give up her life with you without a fight."
"They said it is already decided," Jariel gasped, shivering now as if he were freezing. "I don't know how to help her."
"We'll do all we can to help her," February brushed his hair back gently away from his earring, and cupped his face affectionately with her open palm. "But when it comes to living or dying, Jariel, the only person who can help Liis now, is Liis. All we can do is be sure that we get to where she is, and stand ready to offer her any assistance we can once we arrive."
Jariel wiped at his eyes, and nodded.
"I have to get back," Bru released her grasp on him and slowly rose. She tried once again to pull him from the floor, holding both his hands this time and tugging insistently. "Come with me."
"February," he began to protest, "Go. Leave me."
She looked at him sideways once more, still grasping his hands.
"When I was sick, when I was lost," her eyes reflected the freshness of the pain associated with all she'd been through on Trill, and during the ritual and recovery after. "Did you leave me?"
"No." Jariel replied honestly. "I could never have left you."
"No more," She continued gently pulling on his arms, "could I now leave you alone, my friend."
Jariel nodded, and finally allowed her strength to help propel him forward.
She nodded back to him, and as his gait faltered a little and he seemed as if he might fall, she put her arm around him and took on as much of his weight as she could.
"Come along, Vedek Jariel. Now is the time for you to rely on us, as much as each of us has already relied upon you."
Helm/Flight Controller
USS Alchemy NX-53099