50: Reckoning, Part Three

Reckoning, Part Three
by Zanh Liis
71226.8
After Part Two

--=Central Assembly Sanctuary; Guest Quarters=--


Camen returned after hours that had passed to him as merely seconds.

The first thing Liis noticed was that the color in his face had drained away.

"Jariel?" She rose from the bed and wrapped a gauzy white shawl around her shoulders, over her nightgown. "You were gone so long I was about to come looking for you. What happened?" She put her hands on his shoulders, her expression one of pure worry. "What's wrong?"

He tried to dismiss her concern, anxious to safeguard the progress she had made in her recovery. He smiled weakly. "It is not important."

"You know that you can't hide the truth from me," Liis touched his face softly. "I've known you too long."

"It doesn't matter, Liis."

"What did they say to you?" She recognized the singular, trouble expression on his face. "They must have said something."

Jariel turned away. He didn't want to burden her with the truth, yet she would accept nothing less.

"They told me that if I am to have their blessing that I must stay here, on Bajor. After you leave." He held her gaze steadily as he spoke, not averting his eyes, as he would have done during this sort of conversation in the past. "They demanded that I return to my post within the Vedek Assembly and re-dedicate myself to doing their will alone."

"Oh." Liis’ heart plummeted. She knew how these discussions ended. Previous trials of this case had never been decided in her favor.

She tried to fathom how she was going to resign herself to being without him once again, after all. She was unable to stop the disappointment from showing in her eyes. "I understand." She offered, though in her heart of hearts, she didn't, not really.

"Wait, Liis, do not misunderstand what's happening. Listen to me carefully." He held her firmly by the arms, needing her to really hear him. "I said no."

"What?"

"They told me that they would give me the span of one night. Thirteen hours to make up my mind," he whispered. "If I do not agree to do what they ask of me, then by morning," he paused, wishing he could soften their judgment, somehow. But it was what it was, and she needed to be prepared for it. "In the morning, I will once again be without speech, and will remain so until I stop resisting their will for my life."

"Oh, Camen," Liis sank back down onto the bed and covered her eyes with long, slender fingers. "They thought I was going to die. That's the only reason they gave you back your voice."

His silence was all the confirmation that she needed that she had discovered the truth.

"It's not fair. What more can you give them? You've given them everything."

"Everything except the thing they want most, and I won’t, Liis." Jariel sat beside her and took her hands. "I won't let you go. Not ever again, even if it meant my life, not just my voice. I," he reached out, running his hand through her hair. "I can't."

The expression in his eyes changed as he considered how lucky he was to be where he was. He decided that nothing was going to detract from his happiness over the fact that she was all right, and they were together. Vocal speech, what did it matter to him, really? He had learned how to live without it before he could do so again.

Losing what he believed to be their favor and blessing in his life?

He could learn to live without that, too.

He wouldn't waste tonight worrying about what might come tomorrow. He would be sure that he told her exactly how much he loved her, so that she could always remember the sound of him saying the words even if he was destined never to speak them aloud again.

Liis sensed that his mood was changing, and dropped the shawl from her grasp, revealing the soft skin of her neck and shoulders. She took his face into her hands, and tilted it up gently.

"I know, I'm selfish, I'm sorry," her lips hovered mere millimeters from his. "I can't help it. I want you, Jariel. I have always wanted you, and if they want you too, they're going to have to share you."

"Please, be selfish."

She leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his. Jariel inhaled deeply as the room started to spin. When her kiss ended, he buried his face in her neck, breathing in her scent.

He had missed this so much.

The weather had turned unseasonably warm as soon as Peldor had ended. A mid-winter thaw melted the snow. As Jariel and Liis held each other, kissing slowly again and again, she heard a familiar sound and pulled back. A smile crossed her face. It was a smile tinged with sadness, but a smile, still.

"What is it?"

Her eyes gestured toward the roof. "It's raining. In the middle of winter. Just like it did-" She stopped. He wouldn't remember.

Jariel's eyes came alive with recognition. "Like it did the first night?"

Liis' lips fell open in shock, and he pressed his mouth against her ear. ”I remember," he breathed softly. "I remember everything." He laughed softly. "I can't believe Timal actually bought the story about the tac hiding under the bed."

She searched his eyes, finally accepting that he really did remember. Her expression of pure wonder stole his breath away.

"I would make that bargain again, Liis, at any cost," Jariel murmured as he kissed her neck, "To know you, really know understand all we've been through. My voice is a small price to pay, and I don't regret it. I don't regret anything."

She felt the same way about the deal that she had made to sell her soul to Temporal Investigations, all those years ago. Here and now, with him safe in her arms, she'd have done all she'd had to a million times over, just for this night.

He put his arms around her and pulled her nearer. "I can give up anything, or anyone, I swear it, Zanh Liis-" Jariel vowed, "But never you. Never again.”

“I love you.” She declared, before adding a second, rare admission. “I’m afraid. What if they take more than your voice?” She didn't know how either of them could recover if the Prophets took his Orb experience memories, too.

For his part, Jariel no longer feared their wrath at all. "They can do their worst in the morning, all I need is here with me now.”

The woman who seemed to all outsiders to be so fearless and jaded felt completely vulnerable, wondering how she could possibly be enough to make him truly happy. "Tell me what I should do."

Jariel let his actions answer for him, and he kissed her again. He was shaken senseless by the feeling of her body against his as he pressed her into the bed. He needed her, and he was willing to give anything to have her- for the rest of his life.

Consequences be damned.

--=Hours later=--

As they lay together in the disheveled bed, Liis' rested her head against his chest. Jariel ran his fingers through the strands of her silky dark hair and watched as the dawning of day outside the window began to illuminate the room.

Time was short now, whatever the Prophets were planning to do to him, if they kept to their promised schedule, they'd be doing it soon.

Liis looked up at him, her lovely face marred by sorrow.

"I can't let you do it, Camen."

"What?" He sat up, and back in surprise. His lips parted, but he didn't ask her what she meant. He simply stared at her in confusion.

"I can't let you give them up for me." Liis tapped his earring gently. "They have been a source of great strength to you, your peace, and your center. You would not be the man that you are if you did not believe as you do," she whispered, "And I love you exactly as you are. I don't want to change you." She felt her heart breaking all over again, but she loved him so much that she was willing to let him go.

"I've asked you to choose in the past, that was wrong of me. I was jealous. I admit it. I am jealous." She looked away, but then up into his eyes again. "If they want to keep you here, I can't be the reason that you leave. That you lose them."

"You just have no idea how much you mean to me, do you?" He leaned forward and rested his chin against the top of her head. "I love you for saying that, because I know what it would do to you to lose me now," he wrapped his arms around her and clung to her for dear life. "I love you, Zanh Liis, but this is not your decision. It's mine and I won't leave you. I can't-"

He stopped speaking suddenly, staring straight ahead of him as if seeing something that she could not. Liis shook him gently, but he did not respond.

She was terrified; she knew that they were speaking to him, and all she could do was wait and watch and see what their final judgment would be.

In his mind, Camen stood before his tribunal again, and they stared at him with angry, burning eyes.

"Did you hear what I said to her?" He shouted at them. "I will not give her up. I will not EVER give her up again!"

"Then you have chosen your path, and your consequences." The Prophets replied in unison. "Jariel Camen, you are silenced. Our judgment stands. Until you attain enlightenment, you will be our voice, no more."

When Jariel finally blinked and returned to where he truly was, he looked at Liis and saw tears silently falling down her face. He reached out and wiped them away with his fingertips, automatically opening his mouth to speak.

He could not.

For a moment he felt panicked, wondering what else he'd lost, what else they had taken besides his voice and promised favor. His memories seemed to be intact, and he and Liis were still in the same time and place.

He felt he could ask no more than that.

"Jariel, say something. Please."

He closed his eyes a moment, and breathed in deeply. He suddenly felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, though he could not have explained why.

When he opened his eyes and gazed on her once more, his hands gracefully began to move, speaking for him as they had done before.

[[The Prophets have spoken.]]

"No." Liis shook her head. Could they really be that exacting, that cruel to someone who had given them so much? "It's my fault. I'm so sorry."

Again he shook his head. [[Do you love me, Zanh Liis?]]

In the past, she would have replied defensively; "of course I do," or "how can you ask me that?" or "don't you know the answer by now?"

This time, she went straight for the most honest, heartfelt answer she could give.

"I have always loved you, Jariel Camen," she whispered. "I will always love you."

[[That is all that I need. Don't you see?]] He hugged her tightly a moment before continuing.

[[You've saved me, Liis. After all the ways you've tried in the past,]] He leaned forward and kissed her softly. [[This time, you've helped to truly set me free. In doing so, you've saved me in the way that mattered most, all along.]]


-=/\=- Captain Zanh Liis
Recovering on Bajor
USS Alchemy NX-53099