756: Postcards From Far Away

by Keiran O'Sullivan
90122.14
Soundtrack: Postcards from Far Away, by Coldplay

"Trust me not at all, or all in all." ~Alfred, Lord Tennyson

-=/\=-

-=Days Ago, on Betazed=-

She sat alone in the studio apartment she shared with one other person.

That other person had gone out for the evening, leaving her here alone, in the quiet.

Silence was, these days, both a blessing and a curse.

Blessing, because it allowed one time to think.

Curse for the very same reason.

She watched the antique, analogue travel clock she took with her everywhere she went as the thinnest hand swept gracefully across its face. Minutes passing by in measured seconds, incrementally, always moving in one simple direction.

Forward.

Given her past, the simple act of the clock moving forward held a specific fascination for her. She had to wonder, as she watched it, just what exactly was happening to everyone she knew in that span of time? Had they been happy? Had something made them cry?

Were they lonely?

She was lonely.

Life here wasn't what she thought it was going to be.

Life alone was not what she thought it was going to be.

The novelty of being on her own for the first time in her life with no one watching over her and dictating her schedule or giving her orders on duty had worn off more quickly than she'd imagined possible.

The initial shine dulled from the concept the moment she realized that when you're alone you may have your freedom, but freedom can also mean that when the sun goes down and all is still, you don't have anywhere to belong.

There is no one to miss you, if you don't come home.

Her hand hovered over the button on the comm panel, which had been flashing for hours to indicate that she had a message waiting.

Apparently, there was still at least one person out there who hoped that she'd be at home tonight.

She wondered if she should open the message. Part of her screamed no, but her nagging curiosity and the empty echo of the ticking clock told her to hit the damned button, already.

She hit the damned button.

There was no message, actually; only a video file attachment where the words might have been. She drew in a deep breath.

Sitting back into her chair, she activated it.

[Everyone, wish Miss Lassiter a Happy New Year.]

The sound of Dane Cristiane's voice startled her; she hadn't heard it since they'd parted company at the end of Captain O'Sullivan's wedding reception.

His letters, all of them, (and there had been several by this point) had been text only, no sound or pictures.

Gira heard him laugh slightly. The image wobbled, as if the ground beneath him was shaking.

She saw several small children with wrinkled noses jumping up and down in front of the camera. She watched them laugh and play. A few of them said their names to introduce themselves to her. A few stared shyly at the lens as if somehow frightened by it.

"So," she said softly to the recorded image, "You are so at an orphanage on Bajor."

The antics of the children went on for several minutes, and then the image faded into a blur before coming back into focus seconds later.

Suddenly there was no more noise, the world around Dane had fallen silent as he stood outside the orphanage, pointing the camera toward a night sky thick with laden clouds, sifting snow.

[I hope that you've enjoyed the holidays, Gira.] Dane said, breaching the silence at last. [I've been...thinking of you. Happy New Year, I hope this one brings you everything you've ever wanted.]

His tone, even more than his words betrayed that he still wished that he could be one of those things.

[I'll...write again soon. Remember...] Never did he turn the lens on himself so she could see his expression, not even as he softly offered three last words to her, just in case she should need to be reminded of them. [...here, and now.]

The screen went black, and she found herself reaching out to it, touching the smooth surface with the tips of her fingers.

Tears streamed down her face, and she suddenly accepted the truth of what she had really wanted to do since the moment she'd unpacked her bags on Betazed. She wiped at her cheeks with the cuff of her sleeve.

What she had to do was clear.

She didn't know if it would work. Regardless, she knew that she couldn't continue on this way.

"Computer, send a message, text only." She began, clearing her throat as the computer beeped to indicate that it was now taking dictation.

-=Tonight, aboard the USS Serendipity=-

The doors to their temporary quarters opened, and Keiran instantly looked up, gasping involuntarily as his breath instantly deserted him.

Catching sight of her entering a room still took him by surprise every time he saw the sight, and he nearly missed the plate with the ladle of stew he was dishing out before he realized what he was doing.

"On your toes, O'Sullivan." The edge of her lip curled upward as she gestured toward the ladle with her good hand. Keiran immediately stopped, preventing the impending mess, and shook his head.

"That's where ya 'ave always kept me, Zanh Liis. On meh toes."

"Where I aim to keep you, too." She teased affectionately, strolling up to him and stealing a kiss hello.

Keiran held the serving bowl with the ladle still in it off to the side until she was finally finished greeting him. He set everything down and drew the chair beside him out from the table for her; a formal gesture that Liis allowed only because she knew that it was important to him that she do so.

She sank into it gratefully, fatigued even just from the small amount of walking she'd done earlier.

"Are ya feelin' all right?"

"Yeah. Just tired."

"Worried too, from the looks'a ya."

Liis was amazed by his ability to read her so easily. "Something's up with Vol, I'm going to have to look into it." She explained thoughtfully as he resumed filling her dish with food.

"Yer goin' to counsel the counselor?" Keiran found no end of amusement in the intricate dance performed by Tryst and Zanh. The question of who kept after whom with greater care and intensity, never quite clear to him.

"I am not," Liis objected gently. "I'm just going to keep an eye on him, that's all. I know him well enough to know when something is a little..." Her voice faded as he sat beside her and with his own fork in hand, looked at her to question why she was waiting on him to begin.

The reason was, she had realized that she wasn't sure if it was still his custom to pray before eating when sitting down to a more formal sort of dinner like this one.

Since the wedding they'd eaten on the run here and there when they'd been able to eat at all. She didn't want to disrespect the practice if it was one he still valued.

Realizing this, Keiran smiled.

"Thank you. But. Am still sort'a...figurin' mehself out in the here and now, darlin'. Don' worry, and don' wait on me. For Heaven's sake, eat before Lassiter gets here."

She nodded and began, discovering as soon as she did how hungry she really was.

She also discovered, not sixty seconds into dinner, that he was more staring at his plate than eating from it. "How was Will feeling when you looked in on him?"

"He's on the mend."

She opened her mouth to respond, then stopped, changing tack mid-thought.

"Keiran?"

"Hm?"

"What's wrong?" He was every bit as much an open book to her as she was to him.

*What's wrong? I'll tell ya what's wrong. William, in his finite wisdom, decided to sabotage your compass and his, and...* he thought, but he couldn't tell her that. Wasn't his story to tell, and he'd be damned before he'd do it no matter how not doing it bothered him. No matter how it needled him like a splinter stuck beneath his skin.

"Am still sortin' ev'ra'thin' that's happened out in my head, is all. Just need a wee bit more time to do it." He reached across the table and took her free hand in his.

He observed her rings, which she wore on the right side until the left healed, and tilted them to catch the light. He watched them sparkle a moment before he lifted her hand to his lips to kiss it. "I love ya, Liis."

"I love you, too." She didn't feel any better after hearing his explanation for his mood, but she hoped that if she allowed him the time that he was asking for, that he'd tell her what was bothering him sooner rather than later.

"So," He released her hand and she began to poke her fork at her food again. "Anything interesting happen while I was out?"

"In fact, incoming correspondence finally caught up to us from the relay station. Seems Hok's mother has taken a turn for the worse. He's requested leave in order to go to Ferenginar to see to her. With ev'ra'body else tied up one way or another, I took the liberty of grantin' it."

*I also took the liberty of tellin' him that his little covert gambling venture was at an end and would've earned him a swift transfer off the Sera the moment that you heard of it if ya did, and that he'd best count his blessin's that I am a man who knows just when to choose his battles.*Keiran thought to himself.

In this case, since the Ferengi was leaving there was no need to bring the situation to Zanh's attention when she had so many other things on her mind. She could find out about the transfer part later, when she was feeling stronger.

"Thanks for taking care of it for me. Sounds like things are under control." Liis frowned, thinking. "Leaves us shorthanded at the helm since February is still on medical, I'll have to speak to Lassiter about it."

"Actually, Captain," his blue eyes flashed with the spark that told her that he was about to ask something of her that meant a great deal to him. "I was wonderin', if, as Security Liaison to the Alchemy Project, if. I don'know...I happened to have someone in mind for the vacant helm position, if you'd trust me to-"

Liis reached out to interrupt, grasping his forearm and meeting his gaze.

"Keiran, I trust you. Implicitly, in everything. If you have someone in mind and you believe they're right for the job, that's good enough for me. Besides, you were Chief of Security of this ship for a long time. If someone will be a good fit, you'll know it as well as anyone. Request the transfer and send me their file when it's confirmed."

"Yes, Ma'am." He looked sincerely grateful for her answer. "Thank you, I'll make the arrangements."

She smiled and took another bite of food, but then groaned as her combadge chirped. "Zanh."

[The Gauntlet reports the Admiral is ready to beam aboard, Captain,] Andrew Parrish announced.

"On my way." She closed the channel and looked at Keiran apologetically. "Sorry I didn't get a chance to eat more of this, it's delicious." She hurried to take one more bite before wiping the corners of her mouth with her napkin and rising from the table. Keiran rose as well, as a gentleman is rightly expected to do in the presence of a lady.

"'S'ok. I'm sure she'll be wantin' to talk ta me too, I'd best get back into uniform." He leaned forward and kissed her softly. "Good luck."

"Thanks, O'Sullivan. I'm gonna to need it." She moved to the door, stopping and turning back as he called her name.

"If it's all right, may I be the one to talk to the Admiral about the changes at helm?"

Suddenly, Liis understood just who he had in mind for the position. She nodded, her earring jingling musically as she retreated into the corridor and disappeared from view.

Keiran quickly put the dishes into the replicator for recycling and moved to the comm panel, once again opening the message he'd read a short time ago and reading it again.

Captain O'Sullivan, Sir, does that offer still stand?

You know, the one you made the night of the party, when you said if I needed your help, that I could ask for it?

I ask, because I'm asking.

I'm just lost here.

I can't reconcile all I've seen and heard without talking to someone who can understand. No one here could ever understand.

I just don't know where to go now if not back to the safety of a ship overseen by your eyes.

I'll take any position, I don't care what it is, as a civilian. I'll wait tables in the lounge if you tell me to.

Even if that's not possible, if I can only stay a week aboard ship as a guest, I'll take it, and gratefully. Just so I can spend some time talking to you.

Please, Sir. I need to talk to you.

Knowing the man that you are, I'm sure that you'll find a way to make that possible. I'm so sure of it, by the time you get this I'll be on my way back to Earth, just in case.

If you can't say yes, then I'll find something else to do, but I know that I can't stay here. You were right all along, I can't outrun history.

I hope you and Captain Zanh had a wonderful honeymoon and I hope to see you soon.

With respect and affection,
Gira

"Don' worry, little one." Keiran whispered as he shut off the console and prepared to change his clothes. "We'll keep ya safe under our wing, Liis and I. As long as you need to stay there."

As he fastened his pips to his collar a short time later, Keiran O'Sullivan looked at his reflection and sighed.

He was about to have the conversation with Lassiter that one friend, one parent never wants to have with another.

The one where they dare to suggest that the person they're speaking to has made a serious error in judgment; one for which they must make amends.

---------------------------------
Commander Keiran O'Sullivan
Security Liaison
The Alchemy Project
USS Serendipity NCC-2012