by Rada Dengar
81017.22
During The Best Days
-=Just Before Midnight, Illusions Lounge=-
81017.22
During The Best Days
-=Just Before Midnight, Illusions Lounge=-
John, the Science Officer from the USS Perseids, sat there laughing along with the rest of his soon to be former crew.
It had been a wonderful night so far. They’d drank champagne and told stories of times now past. He’d even managed to get quite a response himself when he told the story of meeting an El-Aurian politician that he’d idolized since he was a boy.
Unfortunately, at the time he found himself noticeably intoxicated from celebrating a successful Jump.
He’d somehow managed to wander into the man’s campaign head quarters where he’d gone on and on for over ten minutes about how closely he’d followed the man’s career and why he thought it was completely unfair that he’d lost the recent election.
He’d then spent another twenty minutes offering in great detail an explanation for why he believed that the public hadn’t responded to his policies and giving his ‘expert’ opinion about why he’d lost.
The man had just stood there politely waiting for him to finish and once John had completely exhausted every argument the El-Aurian pointed out ever so kindly that he’d won the election.
It was the last timeline that he’d lost in.
John had been so embarrassed that his body had the perfectly natural response of having him throw up all over the man, which, strangely did nothing to alleviate this embarrassment.
He thought his ship mates probably laughed from shock more than anything else at the thought of this normally quiet man talking someone’s ear off and getting so drunk that he’d vomited.
As nice as the night had been his mood was distinctly melancholy; even if, for the sake of the crew, he refused to show it. They were losing a wonderful Captain but more to the point they were losing all this. They’d done so much together which was just going to be wiped away in the morning.
It was one thing to be forgotten but if even you didn’t remember what you’d done in your life then what was the point of living at all?
There were files locked away in the Temporal Investigations archives which had metaphorically gathered a layer of dust so thick they you couldn’t even read his name, most probably next in line to be deleted if they needed the space, which contained more information about his accomplishments and his mistakes than he knew himself.
What really frustrated him was that he knew this life had changed him, when the resequencing was done he was left feeling a different man than his memories before that said he should be and he didn’t even know why. He didn’t know what had done this to him but he knew he was no longer the simple farmer’s son who had joined Temporal Investigations with dreams of making a difference. He’d become bitter and angry. He didn’t know who he was anymore.
He loved this crew and was sure the people here cared for him. He felt however that they cared for the idea of the man, not for the man. He had opinions he never spoke which he didn’t doubt they’d disagree with if he were to voice them. He was always so scared and no one liked a coward. So he hid away in the background where no one would notice. He was the nice, quiet man that always stayed out of everyone’s way; liked by all but loved by none.
He was especially never loved by Michelle. His set point, she had been his friend since he was a little boy. Their parents had joked when he was just six years old that they could get married one day.
“Ewww, gross' had been her exact words at the time and it seemed her opinion had changed little over the years.
Before joining up, he’d asked her if there was a chance of something more and she’d just said that she cared far too much about their friendship to risk ruining it. He didn’t believe that now.
In the timeline as it was they had never even met and when he’d tried to talk to her she’d just said that she wasn’t interested. He tried to insist but she looked scared and backed as quickly as possible out of the room. She didn’t trust him here. She used to trust him; she said he had honest eyes. It seemed that he didn’t anymore.
He laughed along at what sounded like the punch line to a very amusing story and began to slowly back away from the group. The chronometer had just ticked over to a new day, the day the memories died.
He looked around at all the laughing and camaraderie and asked himself *How many of you will even remember each other by this time tomorrow?* It made him sick.
On the day that he’d awoken from his last resequencing he’d found a small plastic figurine in his pocket. He’d thought nothing of the cheap looking thing at first. Then he’d noticed the inscription, hidden away beneath it in text too small for anyone but a computer to read. There were five simple words: “It is the morning before”.
He knew the morning before what.
He slipped through the door and into the hallway, looking around he saw that he was alone and removed the figurine from his pocket. He examined it for different angles, turning it over and over in his hand. He knew it had to do something, but there no button to push or way to open it. He would have found them by now.
“It is the morning before,” he said softly to himself and the device hummed to life. A very cheerful voice came from it. It had been a long time since he’d heard it but he immediately recognized what it was. It had been his voice in happier times.
“Hi, John. It’s me, John. If it isn’t the morning before our next resequencing then please say stop now…No? Alright, good!”
He brought the device to his ear and began to simply walk, wishing he’d found somewhere more private to do this but at the same time not really taking in his surroundings. It was an eerie feeling, hearing yourself as a stranger. The voice of any dead man was a shock, he felt that entire crew was still getting over O’Sullivan being alive, but when you were the dead man it really hit at the heart.
“It just seemed a shame to me, well to us, for all of these wonderful things we’ve done to be forgotten. I knew that some things are just too dangerous for us to remember and so I decided to make a recording so that we could at least be reminded for a little while before we forgot all over again.”
*I knew that the higher ups would intervene if they found out so I had to hide it,* he concluded. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had an idea as clever as what he’d done with this figurine, he really couldn’t.
“My plan is for us to add to it each morning before resequencing. I’ve set it up so you just need to say a number and the corresponding recording will come up. Then when you’re done just say Stop.”
“One,” he said softly. He wasn’t even looking up as he walked but luckily the halls of the Sera were fairly empty at the moment.
“Hi John, I’m happy to say that I’ve really enjoyed my time at TI so far. It’s been a lot of fun and really exciting. I’ve met some wonderful people…”
“Two.” He cut the annoying upbeat man off.
“Hi John, I’m happy to say that I’m still loving this job. Everything is just so great…”
“Three.”
That voice had been even worse.
“Hi there John, this job can be tough some times but I wouldn’t trade it…”
It had sounded like a mindless optimist.
“Four.”
“John, you have to listen very carefully,” his voice had suddenly turned from cheerful to desperation, and John was definitely listening. “You cannot let them resequence you, okay? I don’t have time to escape, they are going to wipe my memory but hopefully I’ve figured the statue out earlier in your time. I’ve seen awful things in this job. Do not try to remember, it’s better that you forget, but just please make sure that while you still remember you get us out of there! They’re coming to get me now!”
“Five” he demanded.
“I figured it out earlier this time, John, but I couldn’t escape. Their guards found me and they’re sending me back. You can’t out run them but you may be able to hide. I have to go” the voice was terrified.
“Six!”
“You can’t hide, they have your record, they know how you think. This job is killing me but I can’t think of a way out. I’m going to go in there angry, they say that you can carry that feeling on even after they’re done. I hope that when you feel it you’ll know and you’ll resign before you have a chance to learn anything which needs to be forgotten again. Good luck.”
“Seven!”
“Sorry John,” said the cheerful voice again “You’ve reached the end of the recordings and so it’s time to make your own. Just say start when you’re ready.”
*I’m number seven,* he thought to himself *I’m what you get when I go in there angry. I end up miserable even when I don’t have a reason.*
“I guess it’s true what they say! You should never go to bed, or to have your memory wiped, angry!” he shouted at the top of his voice. He laughed a little and then began to sob. He was glad that they couldn’t see him like this.
He’d walked quite a way from the lounge by now but he could still hear them singing. These were good people he was surrounded by and he couldn’t even enjoy it. He’d made himself not enjoy this. He couldn’t go on as this man.
“Delete Recording Six,” he said with a breaking voice.
“Recording Deleted,” came his cheerful reply.
“Delete Recordings Four and Five,” he said adamantly.
“Recordings Deleted.”
“Start,” he said, determined to change things and the figurine chirped in reply.
“Just remember one thing for me, will you John?” he pleaded with his future self. “Just be happy, okay? Just please, never go in there scared or angry.”
His voice began to break up again and he couldn’t say anymore. He told the figurine to stop recording as he slid down the wall and onto the floor.
He held his head in his hands and thought to himself that with any luck that this version of him would never live again.
When he was all done sobbing, he forced himself back up and forced a smile back on his face. He headed back towards the party. For the next few hours he may still be himself but he could at least pretend otherwise.
“Alright,” he said as he stepped through the door “Let’s party!”
Lt. SG Rada Dengar
Chief Engineering Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
-=/\=-
NRPG: Perfection, Danger. Perfection. ~ZL
Chief Engineering Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012
-=/\=-
NRPG: Perfection, Danger. Perfection. ~ZL