596: Enough


by Keiran O'Sullivan
81021.15
Concurrent with Strings Attached

-=Illusions Lounge=-


As Gira Lassiter declined Keiran’s offer of help, Zanh Liis could have sworn she felt the man’s heart break at the sound.

She released her hold on the girl, bit her lip and began grasping for her fiancé’s hand once more.

As the seconds ticked off in her mind, she grew more anxious than ever to get him the hell out of this room.

Before he broke down in front of his crew, knowing how important it was to him not to.

Liis finally wrapped both hands around Keiran’s massive arm and dragged him out the doors. As soon as they were outside of the lounge, he broke free from her grasp.

He took such impossibly long strides down the corridor she had to move as quickly as she could just to keep up with him.

He didn't say a thing or look at her, the whole way back to his quarters.

Liis called for the lights at half intensity and Keiran slumped down onto the couch, his head dropping.

His shoulders shook, his breathing halting in gasps as he finally fell apart.

Liis knelt beside him, her dress pooling around her on the carpet. She took hold of his hand with one of hers and gently lifted his chin with the other.

“Talk to me. Please." She knew what a huge request she was making, but she also knew he couldn't keep this locked up inside.

"I couldn't save them," he wept bitterly, unable to get each of their faces out of his mind. “Each individual a soul lost to the ravages of time. Worse, I can't stop it from happening to them again. It'll just keep happening to them again."

"No one can stop it from happening again," Liis insisted, kissing his hand as she held it. "As long as there is a Temporal Investigations it will be this way for those who accept the assignment."

“We weren’t even supposed to be out there in that prototype ship!” Keiran's rage suddenly bled through his sadness.

“She wasn’t ready for the task. They rushed the whole thing. Vox and his damned agenda, wanting to take credit for launching the first Jump Crew. If I’d known that we’d be lost out there for two years, I never would have put the crew in that position. Risked their lives, because he lied to me and,“

She took his face into her hands, and he resisted, "Listen to me," she pleaded, "You did all you possibly could. You got them home alive."

"What is life, and what is living?"

The question chilled her.

She knew exactly what he meant.

He felt guilty that he was finished with that dark path, and his life was now his own. That he could begin to find some happiness, while others struggled on to fight for the cause in his stead.

"You have done so much more than your fair share." He tried to turn away and she fought him. "No, Keiran, listen to me!" She leaned closer, shaking him by the shoulders once. "You deserve to be happy. You deserve to find peace, after all."

He pulled away at last, rising and walking over to the viewport. He leaned his head against his forearm, staring out.

He was visibly shaking, and Liis wrapped her arms around him from behind and held on tight. "This is our time," she whispered. "We've suffered enough, Keiran. Enough."

He remained silent and unmoving as stone.

"Do you want me to go?" Maybe he needed a chance to grieve in his own way, without her there to see it. "Do you want to be alone tonight?"

For a time he seriously considered it. Then one question formed in his mind and silenced all the other voices that were fighting for control.

*What the hell are you doing, man? *

He turned around in her arms, dropped his forehead onto her shoulder, and sobbed.

"I'm disappearin', Liis. A piece at a time. If you don't hold me here, in this moment, what'll be left?"

She tilted his face to the side so she could kiss his tears away.

"Please," he begged, "Keep me here, now. Don't let the past take what's left of me."

She kissed his mouth, and Keiran sighed deeply. He wrapped his arms around her, becoming lost in the only thing left he knew he could believe in.

He allowed her to lead him to bed, where she kept watch over him until he finally cried himself out in her arms.

-=0500 hours=-

He rose as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake her before he had no choice.

They had fallen asleep in their party clothes, and he observed that even with faded make up and disheveled hair, she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

He dressed for what he imagined would be the very last time in his solid black, Temporal Investigations uniform. It was no longer necessary, but given where he was going to be spending the day, it was the only attire he felt was appropriate.

Liis heard the sound of him pulling on his boots and stirred.

Unknown to him, she had been having a horrible nightmare; facing another onslaught of alternate memories from the paradox.

-=/\=-In her dream=-

"I'm sorry, what did you say Captain Zanh?"

"Vol, I just told you. Weren't you listening?"

A hand touched her shoulder and Liis jumped, startling as her back pressed up against the cold, metal chair.

She raised burning, bloodshot eyes up toward the source of the question, seeming very puzzled as she analyzed the person the voice belonged to.

"Captain?"

"Yes?" Liis asked casually, as she tried to cover the fact that she had again momentarily lost track of where she truly was.

"You called me "Vol". Were you aware of that?"

"No, I didn't. Did I?"

"Yes. You did."

"Huh.” She tugged downward on the sleeves of her shirt. Only three quarters long, they always made her feel like she was wearing someone else’s clothing. “Go figure."

"Do know who I am?"

Liis folded her arms, rubbing her hands up and down rapidly to try to warm up.
No matter the temperature they claimed it was here, she was always cold.

"Brody." She droned. "Your name is Tucker Brody."

"Good. Very good." The man in the white lab coat answered approvingly; with the quiet, gentle voice and just the touch of a twang that put her in mind of the LMH. He nodded as he made a notation on his PADD. "Do you know the date?"

Liis was about to offer a Stardate but stopped herself, suddenly uncertain. There were no chronometers here, no calendars. They'd caught her on this one before; she would be damned before she'd let it happen again.

Noticing her hesitance, Brody went another route.

"Do you know where you are, exactly?"

"Yes I do." Liis answered instantly, and with unequivocal certainty. "I am in the loony bin."

"Captain," Brody chastised.

"Well what else would you call it, Doctor Brody? It sure as hell isn't a bed and breakfast."

"We like to call it "Starfleet Medical."

"Right."

Liis rose from her chair and began to pace in the plain, windowless room. "You like to call a lot of ugly things by tidy little names, here. Don't you?"

"Seems the animosity is returning." Brody noted, looking up at her from beneath sandy blond bangs. "Are you angry right now?"

"Wouldn't you be?"

"I'm not the patient. We've been through this."

"So we have." Liis moved over to the cot in the corner that passed for her bed. She folded her left leg beneath her as she sat down.

She reached up to fidget with her earring, but that was one of the first things they'd taken. So instead she tucked her hair behind her ear on one side and looked over at him again. "When do I get to go home, Brody? You really don't plan on keeping me here forever do you?"

"Forever is such a meaningless term, isn't it?" Brody hemmed as he kept typing his notes. "Especially to those of us who deal in the effects of time. Or who have in past. Such as yourself."

"Yeah. Never. Forever. Two sides, same coin."

"What about this. I'll make you a deal, Zanh Liis. You tell me, from beginning to end and without taking any detours, exactly how you ended up here with us at the 'loony bin'; also what is really going on in this timeline in the here and now. If you can do that, then we'll talk about sending you home."

"To my command?"

"Ambitious."

"I just want what I had before," she raised her hands to the sides hopelessly. "I just want to go home."

"Okay." Brody set his PADD aside, crossed one leg over the other and folded his hands atop his knee. "You can begin by telling me where home is, and we'll go from there. Is home on a planet? Bajor, or..." He was giving her help he knew he wasn't supposed to, but she'd been through so much, it was a temptation that grew harder to resist all the time.

He really hoped that today was the day when it would all finally come together, and he could make the arrangements to send her home to her crew, where her real healing could begin.

"Home," Liis specified, "is the USS Serendipity. Modified Intrepid Class. Want me to give you the registry number?"

"Not necessary." He watched her face carefully as he spoke again. "I had wondered if you were going to say Ireland."

Her face turned paler, which hardly seemed possible. Her eyes took on the vacant stare he had come to expect when the aforementioned location was brought up, but this time her verbal response was entirely different from the one he was used to.

"No." She shook her head slowly. "Ireland was never meant to be my home."

-=/\=-End dream=-

Her eyes were wild as she searched the room for him, and she only drew a breath upon finding that he was, indeed, still there.

"Hey," he took note of her frightened expression and returned to her, gathering her up against his chest. "Where were you, just then?"

She shook her head. She couldn't tell him. From the look in his eyes, she knew she didn't have to.

"Oh, Liis," he leaned in and kissed her deeply. She shivered, and he brought the blankets up closer around her shoulders.

"Tell me that we're still," she whispered, touching his face to try to convince herself he was real, "that we're really getting married the day after tomorrow?"

"”Tis a fact." he smiled, kissing her again. She leaned against him, sighing softly as he brushed her hair back. "Unless you're gettin' cold feet?"

She responded by kissing him back.

"Liis," he looked down, tugging gently on the chain around her neck. "About last night,"

"It's all right, you don't have to,"

"Yes, I do." he insisted. "I want you to remember somethin' for me, right? Promise you will?"

She nodded.

"That no matter what I say, or what I do," his blue eyes held hers fast in an intense stare. "I never, ever want you to leave me alone. I've been without ya far too long as it is. So." He kissed her slowly on the cheek then nuzzled her neck, breathing in the scent of her skin. "I need you. No matter what, I need you."

She closed her eyes. "Me too, all right? No matter what I say or do."

He kissed her tenderly and then he sighed. "I'm sorry, my darlin', but time waits for no man." He chose the words intentionally, meaning to make a joke. In this moment though, they were empty and cloaked in sadness.

"Are you sure that you can do this?" She worried about the effect that the events of the day would have on him if he went through with his plan.

"I'm their Captain," he intoned solemnly, "Of all people, you understand that I can't do an'a'thing less."

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“You’ve got your work cut out for you here today, no? If we’re going to see about getting you off the bridge and to our wedding, you'd better finish it. I’ll be all right.” He promised.

“What can I do for you…to help?” She wished so much she could to with him. "I'll miss you while you're gone."

He leaned down, kissing her thankfully for asking. Just knowing she would be keeping him in her thoughts throughout the day, helped.

"Meet me tonight. I'll leave the time and coordinates in the computer, right? And be sure you beam down to those coordinates exactly and no others, mind?"

"I will," she puzzled over the request. "Wait. Why those exactly?"

His eyes lit up as he finished tying up his boots. He gave her the quick wink and knowing look that completely disarmed her, every time. "'Tis a surprise."

He paused in the doorway, eyes drawn back to her as she gracefully laced her fingers and stretched her arms up over her head.

"God, I love you, Liis."

The door closed behind him, and she grasped hold of the chain around her neck, lifted his ring to her lips, and kissed it.

"And I you..." she closed her eyes, her lips still tingling from his last kiss. "My darlin'."

-----------------------------------
Keiran O’Sullivan
Between Assignments
(And headed back
to Temporal Investigations HQ,
one more time)