322: At What Cost Part Two

by Keiran O'Sullivan
80612.18

...continued from Part One


She came upon him next kneeling on the ground beside a small brook, fervently reciting the Hail Mary.

"What IS it with me and men who immediately feel the need to beg Divine forgiveness after sleeping with me?" Liis snapped, as she bent down and cupped her hands, plunging them into the rushing water. It was cold and fresh, and she took several sips before throwing the rest of the liquid against her face to try to calm herself down.

Keiran ignored her and continue to pray.

"Hey! I am talking to you!" She gathered another bowlful of water into her hands and tossed it at him. After impact Keiran's sandy hair hung down, dripping into his face as he continued praying even more loudly to indicate that he wasn't finished and she'd get nothing more from him until he was.

Frustrated, Liis plunked down onto a large boulder at the water's edge and did the only thing she could do.

She waited.

She heard the sound of distant thunder and knew that if they didn't start walking soon to get back to the hub, they were both going to be soaked by the time they arrived.

"You were exactly right, what you said before." Keiran spoke at last, standing over her shoulder. "we have broken the code."

"Yeah, about that. I was counting while you were praying," Liis announced, holding up the fingers of both hands and beginning to count them off flippantly until she ran out, then she counted them again.

"Sixteen rules and three sub-sections by last count. We started with "suggestive language directed at a fellow agent", progressed to "inappropriate touching of a colleague" and then things really took off."

"Goddamn it, Liis, I know what we did. I was there."

"Were you? Because I was beginning to think I only imagined you were actually party to what happened. Because the way you're acting it's as if you feel no ownership of this situation at all."

"Quite the opposite. I feel complete ownership, and I'm sorry. I've. . ." Keiran moved around in front of her and gently lifted her face so she could see the shame in his. "I took advantage of you, Zanh Liis."

Liis laughed at this. Loudly, and bitterly.

"You took advantage of me? How? Before or after I threw myself at you?"

"You didn't, I mean, you only did that because," He brushed her hair back, securing a wayward strand blown into her eyes by the wind. "You knew how much I needed you to throw yourself at me." He mimicked her words but affectionately, not mockingly.

"Okay. We've established that you admit that you wanted and needed me," she seemed relieved. "That's good, because I was really beginning to think that the reality of me didn't live up to the fantasy and you were going to look for the quickest way to ditch me that you could. But I'm no fool, O'Sullivan. I know regret when I see it in a man's eyes. And if you'd rather that I just disappear into those. . .she looked up toward the horizon, "rather ugly, menacing-looking clouds in the distance, then just say so. I don't stay anywhere I'm not wanted."

"It's not that I want you to disappear, Liis," he looked away sadly. "Not at all. We just...have some choices to make."

"What do you mean, choices? I-" She was interrupted by the distant thunder and Keiran finally became aware that the scenery around them was changing.

"Come on. We had better walk while we talk."

He led her toward a shortcut back into town, toward the hub. As they marched with quickening speed the closer the storm came, Liis demanded he expand upon his earlier comments.

"What kind of choices, Keiran?"

"You came here to try to talk me into staying with TI, didn't you?"

"Among other things."

"We can't be in love and also stay partnered as a team of Jumpers, Liis. You know that."

"Why not? No one knows what happened here but you and I. Maybe a bird or two but last I heard, they swore they wouldn't talk on pain of being stuffed and served for dinner."

"For god's sake woman, would you please be serious for a moment for once in your life?"

"I'm completely serious!" Liis folded her arms defiantly. "Why do we have to tell Vox anything? Jumpers keep much worse secrets from their handlers, you and I both know that. It's no one's business, Keiran, but ours."

He stopped walking for a moment and put his hand on her arm. "We have to tell Vox."

Liis scowled, and not another word was spoken between them until they reached the transporter hub.

By that point the storm was skirting the town, and in the distance Liis could see the lightning raging over the meadow where everything had changed for them so quickly.

"They'll never let us work together again." She groaned softly, more to try to make herself believe it than to tell O'Sullivan anything he didn't already know.

"I know, darlin', I know." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "We could just stay here, you know. Retire."

The look that crossed her face was one of anguish- and that was when Keiran realized that he could never, truly, hold the heart of the woman before him.

She was intent on only one thing- making the next jump, going where duty called, and fulfilling her role as guardian to the man she didn't know, and the man she had known so well.

The pain in his chest was sharp and sickening, and just as certain as he was that it would eventually be the death of him, he knew that he would take whatever small part of her heart he could continue to keep. Any share of her soul was worth so much more to him than the whole of anyone else's.

They transported back to command, where they changed back into uniform and took a tense lift ride up toward the office of Temporal Coordinator, Vice-Admiral Jonas Vox.

"I want to talk to him alone." Keiran announced at the last minute.

"Forget it."

"Liis, you don't have to suffer through this."

"One last time, O'Sullivan, so you get this through that thick skull of yours. I was there. I was responsible for my own actions, and I am subject to the consequences."

"Halt lift," Keiran ordered, and before Liis could question why, he grabbed hold of her and kissed her, pressing her back up against the wall one more time. When they parted, he looked at her with earnest eyes.

"There are worse things than living out your life in a house in the Irish hills. With me. I swear, I'd do anything to make you happy."

It was a wish, an admission, and a marriage proposal all rolled into one, and Liis knew it.

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Lt. Commander Keiran O'Sullivan
Chief of Security
USS Serendipity NCC-2012