350: Frailties

by -=/\=-Zanh Liis
80615.22
Following Duly Noted
Soundtrack: Fallen Embers by Enya

-=Quarters of Lt. Commander Keiran O'Sullivan=-

Positioned in the chair opposite the window with his back turned toward the door, Keiran sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Forget something, Tryst? I warn yis, I'm shattered. Best be on your way or I can't account for my actions."

His voice echoed softly in his sparsely furnished quarters; so hollow, so broken that the sound attacked Liis and choked her- a pair of icy hands determined to wring the last bit of breath from her lungs and finish her off.

"Keiran."

O'Sullivan jumped up from the chair at the unexpected sound of her voice and turned.

"Liis."

His bloodshot eyes betrayed his despair at the sight of her- she was the very last person he had wanted to see tonight.

A million questions ran through her head, but she couldn't give any of them a voice. *What can I do to help you? Why is this happening? Is any of what I remember real?* The last one was the one she most dearly wished she could speak.

*Did you know me in a different life?*

He accurately read her features and understood that he couldn't conceal himself from her any longer. She knew.

He didn't know how or why she had found out but she knew, and he was beaten. Beaten so brutally he had no strength left to pretend he was still putting up a fight.

"Please," he entreated her. "Don't ask me."

"Don't ask you what Keiran?"

Just the sound of her saying his name that way, with such concern and hesitation, injured him.

"The question ye were wantin' to ask me, so."

He turned away from her again and stepped forward, leaning an arm against the wall and his head down upon it. "Please, Zanh Liis, I don't have it left in me to lie to ya."

*To lie to me again, you mean,* Liis thought. She had known that he was lying in her Ready Room when she'd asked if they'd met before.

Given their previous line of work Liis readily forgave him for it. She knew that of all professions, current and former TI agents told lies only as a matter of absolute last resort. If they were terrified enough of something to have to lie about it, there was a good reason the person asking the question should just take them at their word and back away as quickly and quietly as possible.

"The truth is something I don't want you to ever have to live with," Keiran continued, answering her next anticipated question before she could ask it of him, either. "If it's in my power to save you, Liis, I will always save you."

She took a tentative step forward. "Is that what this is really about?" Her voice was hoarse and low as she wrestled the aridity of her throat for every syllable. "Saving me?"

Keiran lifted his head slowly and with unfathomable pain in his eyes, he sighed. "Always has been, Zanh Liis." He held his arms open and up in the air, a hopeless gesture to accompany his explanation. "Always will be."

He felt an almost intolerable physical pull toward her. She was wearing a dark evening dress, running her hands up and down bare, pale arms as she stood just two steps away- still as an alabaster sculpture and twice as beautiful.

As her eyes searched his desperately for some sort of understanding of the overwhelming emotions they were grappling, she was assailed again by another series of hallucinations. Sights, sounds, sensations so strong they were physically painful.

She saw herself as he saw her, and she didn't believe it was possible for anyone to be what he imagined she was. How could anyone see her so clearly and even with all her flaws, still love her despite them?

Tears fell silently down her face as she reduced the distance between them by one step.

"I'm beggin' you," Keiran warned her, desperate. "Don't come any closer. Please." If she did, he didn't trust himself to stand his ground a second longer.

"I don't understand why," she had not admitted having the visions to anyone before this moment, but she needed to tell him that though he was suffering, he was not suffering alone. "The things I've seen. . .heard, Things I don't remember, still."

Keiran's eyes closed, and he exhaled with bitter disappointment. "I have failed you, Liis. Again. I don't know how this happened, but you were never supposed to..."

"How long have you known?"

His lack of a response told her that he had remembered far before she'd begun to have these flashbacks, whatever their origin.

Anxious to try to change the subject, Keiran decided now was the time to apologize for his earlier actions.

"If you want to revoke my commission, Captain, I won't protest it. You have every right."

"I know." Liis bit her lip, "I can't help but wonder though," she stopped as panic appeared on his face, pleading with her not to wonder.

"Something is happening to us, to both of us. I don't know what, and I don't know why yet," Liis began to entertain the possibility that there was more going on here than simply the repeated breakdown of faulty memory sequencing. "But I am sure of one thing, Keiran. It's not your fault."

"You're so certain?" He loved her even more for the faith she still managed to maintain in the underlying goodness of his character, despite his words and actions. Goodness that he believed had died a slow and pitiable death years ago. "I," before he could speak, he began to breathe in shallow, halting gasps. In apparent pain, he doubled over.

Liis dashed forward, dropping to the deck beside him as he crumbled to his knees. She called his name, but his hearing had dulled and then muted completely. With his mind's eye he saw her face as she had looked to him all those years ago. Then that image was gone, and he saw her again as she was right now. He opened his eyes and blinked.

"Keiran, answer me." Liis pleaded, shaking him. She slapped at her chest. seeking her badge. "Medical emergency! Two to beam directly to Sickbay!"

"Liis," Keiran rasped, reaching up to touch her face, but too weak to lift his arm the entire way."You never could save me.... from myself."

His eyes rolled up and backward and his body went limp as the transporter locked on to them. The next thing Liis knew she was surrounded by a team of doctors, all swirling around her as they began trying to revive Keiran's frail, failing heart.

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-=/\=- Zanh Liis
Former Temporal Investigations Jumper
and Captain of the Serendipity