331: If the Captain Ain't Happy. . .

by -=/\=-Zanh Liis
80614.22
Following Undertow

-=USS Serendipity=-

Stumbling out of the turbolift, Liis couldn't help but feel that everyone's eyes were glued to her as she headed to the center of the bridge.

This feeling of being watched was much more than usual in the the standard everyone rises from their stations and the person in charge says 'Captain on the bridge' procedure that was customary protocol anytime she entered the command center of her starship.

That was an archaic custom, she felt, and a damned waste of time. She had dispensed with it officially the day after Sera left space dock- though she found that often her two most senior officers would still announce her as a sign of respect in front of the junior officers.

Unless there was a crisis which urgently demanded her attention, then they'd honor her wish, skip the ceremony, and simply vacate her chair before bringing her up to speed on the happenings since she'd left.

Yes, this was different. She felt exposed, as if she'd forgotten to put her uniform on-

She stopped walking, eyes wide and horrified for a moment as she considered the possibility and hurried to reach up and tug on her collar.

She breathed a sigh of relief. Okay, she was in fact, wearing her uniform.

She might just survive this day after all.

"Are you all right?" TC Blane knew Zanh well enough to know when she was not, and she was definitely not.

"Fine." Zanh cut him off as she swept past him and took her seat. "Report."

"There have been some unusual sensor fluctuations in the past few hours, Captain," Zander Blakeslee volunteered from tactical. "We have been trying to purge some contamination from the aft dorsal array."

"Source?"

Zander didn't like the answer he was about to give her, but was obliged to give it just the same. "Unknown, Sir."

Zanh frowned. "Well, find out, Mr. Blakeslee. Reece," Liis wasn't even looking up to see if the Trill was at his station, she just assumed that by now he would be.

"Yo."

"Anything odd, otherwise?"

"There have been some here and there power fluctuations in the ship's environmental control systems, but nothing we can't handle. Engineering is on it."

"Is that why it's hotter than Hell in here?" Zanh's hand intuitively went up to her face, and she found her cheeks were burning.

"Um, no. Actually, it's colder than Yensul in here. Or didn't you see me shivering?" Reece griped, pulling the collar of his uniform up as high as it would go.

Salvek approached the Captain now. He'd been observing her as he worked with Zander, still trying to determine once and for all what that ghostly energy signature that had appeared hours earlier had been, if anything.

"Captain, are you ill?" Salvek whispered into her ear. "Perhaps a visit to Sickbay-"

"I am FINE. Would everyone quit asking me if I'm fine? Because I told you all, I'm FINE!" Zanh barked. She watched Dane's eyes grow wider as he sat at the communications station, and she gave him a look that, if it had had any physical force behind it, would have snapped Cristiane in half like a twig.

"Very well." Salvek said serenely, taking his seat beside her.

"Anyone heard any news on Vol?" Liis was actually asking because, while she was hoping that the Counselor would be back on duty, she was also hoping that for her sake, the Counselor would not yet be back on duty. If he saw her in her currently agitated state, he would definitely haul her off into a little room somewhere and demand she start talking about her childhood while taking a Rorschach test.

"He and Dr. Breaux have been tied up today dealing with a situation," Salvek reported.

"Situation?"

"Caring for a member of the crew who seems to be in crisis and dealing with some emotional distress, Captain."

*Better them than me.* she thought gratefully. "Glad to hear he's back at his post." Zanh relaxed a little- for now.

Until the lift doors opened, and out stepped her Chief of Security.

She looked at him, and for a moment she was shocked by his appearance.

She didn't know why she was shocked by his appearance, but he seemed somehow so much older, and more tired, than she expected he would be. Even though he looked exactly the same as he had to her the night before when she'd seen him at the Aerowing dock.

For his part, upon seeing her, O'Sullivan looked like he'd been hit with a bucket of freezing water. Shocked, in pain, and ultimately, a bit confused as to what had just happened.

"Captain." He nodded to her, taking his station and relieving the ensign who had been standing there.

"Sully." Zanh forced the nickname out, even though to her somehow it felt like an affectation now. A prop in a play that she was forced to use, to make her audience believe the scene unfolding before them was authentic and not a fabrication.

"Engineering is all over the environmental controls," O'Sullivan announced. "You should have a normal temperature up here soon."

"Good god, I hope so." Dane muttered. "I'm freezing my nu-. . ."

"Mr. Cristiane," O'Sullivan warned. He knew exactly which part of his anatomy Dane was about to refer to 'freezing off'. "You'll survive, and father children someday. Don't worry."

Liis would have smiled at the joke, except nothing, nothing at all could make her smile today.

Not even the appearance of Vedek Jariel a few moments later could do the job. This did not escape the notice of anyone on the bridge, either. Usually whatever the situation, Zanh's posture physically changed the moment the Vedek entered any room.

This time, however, she simply remained in her chair, fingernails actually digging into the padding on the armrests. She seemed to be a woman bracing for impact, and none of them could understand why.

[[May I speak with you, Captain?]]

"Of course, Jariel. Salvek, I'll be in my ready room. Get these phantom malfunctions nailed down, will you? I can't have that Vulcan dignitary showing up and seeing that the pride and joy of Starfleet Research and Development is behaving like a second-hand jalopy."

"Understood, Sir."

Jariel watched Liis as she moved into her office ahead of him, and paused to look back at those on the bridge. He cast a glance each at Salvek, then Reece, and then Blane, the three men on the bridge at this moment who knew her best besides him- and none of them seemed to be able to offer him any explanation for the Captain's current demeanor.

"You have your final decision on MiM for me?" Zanh asked, as she moved to the replicator. "Two acetoprophins and a cup of hot coffee, black."

[[Analgesics?]] Jariel watched her down the pills with a swig of the molten coffee. He never understood how she was able to do that. [[You're not feeling well?]]

"Just a bit of a headache." Liis replied, waving him off. It was more than that though, and Jariel knew it. He knew it because when they were alone, especially, she always responded to him in sign, not in speech. She claimed it was to make him feel less self conscious about the loss of his voice when they were together- but he felt in his heart it was because hearing the sound of her own voice and then not hearing his in reply made her miss it more than she could stand to.

"MiM?" Liis sat down on the couch at the far end of her office and stared out at the stars.

[[If you're asking for my feelings, my thoughts as an observer of the souls of living beings,]] Jariel began, [[I believe we are seeing a very new, and child-like being begin to evolve as it was intended to by its Builder from the beginning. But he is very innocent, and he must be protected.]]

"My thoughts exactly. We can't let anyone take advantage of him, or of any technology he may possess." Liis folded her left leg beneath her as she sat. "I think that we'll invite MiM to get to know the crew- but be sure that he is supervised. Lair should do the job just fine. She's got the equipment in that toybox of hers to find out about him mechanically, and in the meanwhile, hell, put him to work pulling weeds if he wants to feel useful."

Jariel understood that the mechanical could not be given any 'official' sort of role as a member of the crew, but he was satisfied that Liis was, at least for now, planning to keep MiM safe under the watchful eye of the best Starfleet had to offer.

[[Liis,]] He sat down beside her, unable to tolerate the look in her eyes a moment longer. [[You're troubled. Talk to me.]]

The ever-gentle manner of the man reached out and grabbed Liis straight at her heart, as it always had. Her throat constricted- suddenly she was terrified that she was going to burst into tears.

She couldn't do that. She couldn't tell him what she'd dreamed, of all people. Especially when it made absolutely no sense that she had the dream at all.

"Not now, all right? Later."

Camen knew better than to push her when she seemed this upset. She needed to be strong for the crew, to see to it that any unusual occurrence such as the glitches that had been taking place on the ship in the past few hours were resolved, no matter how tiny. They had a mission, and he would allow her the space she needed to do her job.

[[As you wish.]] He was about to stand up and leave her to her thoughts, but suddenly, he had a sense of dread wash over him that he couldn't quantify, and he shocked Liis by throwing his arms around her and pulling her tightly toward him.

"Jariel." Liis' voice was a stern, strained whisper. "Don't."

Without asking her why she was resisting, Jariel simply rose, turned, and left the room.

He walked through the bridge and without a look or sign toward anyone, and disappeared into the lift.

A slow, low whistle emanated from the lips of Dabin Reece. "That's how the old saying goes, you know,"

"Which one is that?" Blane asked.

"Captain ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

A moment later Liis reappeared, and as she walked past the Security station, she fought the urge to look up at Keiran. It had become a joke with the two of them that all he had to do to know if she was tired, upset, or ready and raring to go on any given day was to take one look into her eyes. Now, for a reason she didn't understand she feared what he might see if he looked into them today.

For his part, O'Sullivan was staring straight down at his panel, not wanting to risk catching her eye, either. Just in case she might see the look in his, and wonder. . .

For a moment, he felt physically overwhelmed by her nearness, and as strong a stomach as he had, he felt as if he might be sick.

Observing all of this from his vantage point across the bridge, Salvek began to worry. He felt he was a man with a land mine to either the left or right of where he was standing. Frozen, he just wasn't entirely sure which way he ought to try to walk to get everyone around him through the minefield safely and out the other side.

"Chief O'Sullivan, are you ill?" Salvek decided that if one of them should leave the bridge, it should, at this moment, be Keiran.

Something in the Vulcan's eyes urged him not to say 'no', no matter how he really felt. "Matter of fact, I feel terrible today," Keiran said, "I wonder if I picked up something down on the planet at the hospital."

"Didn't they screen you after you got back?" Blane asked, knowing this was standard procedure to prevent Away Teams from contaminating the ship's population with any unknown viruses or bacteria.

"Aye. But just the same, my breakfast isn't setting well."

"You should go." Zanh blurted. She didn't look up at him, and the bluntness of her statement surprised the rest of the crew. She could see it, and she softened her remark. "Go lie down awhile, if you don't want to go back to Sickbay. Might help."

"Aye. Thank you Captain, I'll do just that." Keiran secured his station and stepped away, allowing someone else to take his place as he retreated.

"Wait. Lt. Commander, a moment before you go, if you're up to it?" Liis realized that this situation was ridiculous. She had only had a bad dream, nothing more. She couldn't allow the intensity of the nightmare to cause her to step back from a member of her senior staff. Especially when it was apparent that something was wrong and the man was suffering. She owed him better than that.

"Captain?" Keiran gulped, seriously fighting the urge to gag.

"Captain?" Salvek's voice questioned her as well, something that surprised Zanh, but not O'Sullivan.

"Ready Room." Liis bolted from her chair again, and she took all three steps down in one jump and moved through the doors.

*Holy Mary, Mother of God,* Keiran prayed fevently as he nodded to Salvek, and then followed the Captain into the other room.

"Weird day today." TC shrugged, shaking his head. "Everything is just a little. . .off."

*You have no idea,* Salvek thought as he watched the doors close behind O'Sullivan, and hoped that the man wouldn't crack under pressure.

Keiran found Zanh standing by the replicator when he entered the room, with a small glass in her hand. She extended it toward him. "Cola." she offered the glass along with a small white pill. "For your stomach."

Keiran tossed his head back, downing the pill with the smallest amount of liquid possible before he set the glass aside. "Thank ya kindly, Captain."

"What's going on with you?" Zanh didn't even have the mercy to wait for the pill to kick in before speaking. She just didn't have the patience today.

"Captain?"

"Something is going on with you O'Sullivan and I need to," she stopped herself. *You sound desperate, Liis. Keep it together,* she admonished herself. "I want to know what I can do to help you."

"It's family matters back on Earth, Captain, and there isn't really anything you can do. My son's run away."

"Oh, I," Zanh stammered. Even though his son was not a daily part of his life, Liis had no doubt after hearing Keiran speak of him once or twice what he meant to the man. "I'm sorry. Are you sure I can't help? I have some favors I can call in, get some people out looking for him,"

"Thanks, but that's already done. Now all I can do is wait."

Liis nodded sadly. "Is it better to work, or better to have some time on your own to process this?" Sometimes she knew that an officer dealt best with stress from their post- a sense of normalcy in the smallest could help when the whole world seemed to have gone mad around you. She would leave the choice whether or not to remain on duty to him.

Keiran considered this. She was standing not any more than a foot away from him right now, and as much as he knew that it was absolutely the wrong thing to do, he had an overwhelming, almost uncontrollable urge to rush into the arms she held out open before him in a gesture of question. He wondered, just for a split second.

*Would the world really come to an end if I just kissed her?*

Then he realized that for her- it would.

He slapped himself mentally and backed away toward the exit. "Normally I would stay at my post, of course. But if you don't mind," his expression was so helpless, Liis didn't know what to think or do. "I still feel sick. I think I'd best get back to my quarters."

"Feel better," she paused, then looked up at him again. "Keiran can I ask you a really stupid question?" Liis couldn't believe the words had left her lips, but they had, and it was too late to take them back now.

"Uh. . ." Keiran's stomach was in knots and getting worse. "I've never heard you ask a stupid question, Captain. . ." he hemmed.

"Well, you haven't known me that long. I wanted to ask you," her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. "No, never mind. Forget it. No, wait," she couldn't stop herself. It was if she literally had no control over what she was saying, and she couldn't fathom why. "Keiran, you worked for TI. As a Jumper."

*Holy shit.* He thought. Could this possibly get worse? He had to get out of this room. He choked one word out at last in response. "Yes."

*Well, you know I did too. We've talked about it before but never in great depth. . .have you ever, no never mind."

Keiran's head was spinning. Was he going to get out of this unscathed or was he about to go down in flames?

Liis' heart was in her throat as she finally managed to force her question past it.
"Have we ever met before you set foot aboard the Serendipity in dry-dock?"

Keiran forced a small laugh after a moment of silence. "Why would you,"

"Answer the goddamn question, O'Sullivan." Liis had lost all composure now. "Have we ever worked together before?"

Keiran was now facing a situation he had hoped would never come. He had no choice as to what he had to do next.

He had to look her straight in the eyes, and lie to her.

"No." He declared, evenly and slowly. "That was the first time I ever saw you."

"Thank you." Zanh Liis now seemed eager to end the conversation that she herself had initiated. "You're dismissed. If you don't feel better after a nap, I expect to hear you're in Sickbay."

"Yes, Sir." Keiran mumbled, his eyes burning as he hurried for the door, avoiding the stares of all on the bridge as he dashed into the lift.

Keiran practically ran through the ship and back to quarters. He couldn't stop shaking. Reality as he knew it was spinning out of control, and he didn't know what to do next.

He slumped down onto his bed, and closed his eyes. He prayed that if he could just fall asleep, maybe when he woke up, the nightmare would be over.

-=/\=-Zanh Liis
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity NCC-2012