407: Still: Two

By Fleur Le Marc
80709.18

...continued from part one


-=Deck Four Dining Hall; USS Alchemy=-

"Fleur, I need to tell you that I won't be holding regularly scheduled Bajoran religious services on the Sera when we go back."

"I understand," Fleur's breath returned to her, perhaps this was not the talk she feared it would be, after all. "With Avery gone, and just Kellyn and Arie and I...your time is much better used to minister to the crew as a whole in your capacity as Ship's Chaplain. I understand." Her expression brightened. "We will still have our private studies."

"No,” Jariel shook his head. "We won't."

"But why? I do not understand, Camen,"

"That is why, don't you see?" He raised his index finger, "There. You just called me Camen."

"I just called you Vedek,"

"No," he insisted, knowing full well what he had heard. "You just called me Camen. When did that begin, Fleur?"

"If I have been disrespectful to you, please accept my apologies. I did not intend to be, in any way. You know that I have never had anything but respect for you as a leader and a minister of the people, myself among them." Fleur was totally sincere in her words. "If I have offended you,"

"It's not that,” Jariel looked away, omitting the obvious 'and you know it'.

"Our friendship means the world to me, I would never,"

"Is friendship all you really want from me, Fleur Aurore Le Marc?"

Fleur's complexion turned ashen.

"You are an attractive, single young woman and it is inappropriate for me to conduct private spiritual study with you. I apologize if my not seeing this sooner has ever given you the wrong impression," he hoped that he had not unintentionally led her on.

"Inappropriate?" Fleur wrung her small hands tightly together. "That is one thing that you have never been, Vedek Jariel." Tears filled her eyes despite her best attempts to prevent them, and she stared at the top of the table.

"Fleur," Jariel touched her chin gently. "We have been friends a very long time, and it is time that we speak the truth to one another."

-=/\=-

Standing just outside the crew dining hall, Zanh Liis hesitated.

The computer told her that Jariel was in this location, and she was asking herself again if now was the time to approach him.

She'd managed to avoid him completely since boarding the Alchemy, and now that she'd scrubbed every intake manifold sensor she could get her brush on and been officially banned from any similar cleaning chores by Dalton McKay, she had to find another way to work through her issues.

She continued to resist the idea of starting a conversation with Jariel, but she was beginning to think that by avoiding him she was taking the coward's path.

There were two things that Zanh Liis had striven never to become in life. The first was a hypocrite.

The second, a coward.

She took a breath, straightened the sleeves of her blouse, and stepped through the doorway.

Just as quickly, she jumped backward into the hall once again.

Jariel was here, all right. In fact, he was sitting at a table, both of his hands holding Fleur's. She was crying, and he was comforting her.

Liis saw red.

Then she felt a stabbing pain in her chest, her mind flashing back to the way that Keiran had held her in Sickbay on the Sera. The way he'd refused to let her go when she was trapped in silence but still able to hear every word and feel every breath he whispered into her ear.

Salvek told her that Jariel was in the room 'when she was nearly lost'. That meant that he had seen, and heard, everything.

Now she was forced to ask herself a disturbing question. Was this how Jariel felt, seeing Keiran embrace her? Did he suffer the same wrenching ache that she felt now, watching Camen comfort Fleur?

She was sickened by the realization that she had just failed both of her lifelong goals in a split second, and with one series of thoughts.

In this moment she was both a coward and a hypocrite.

-=Meanwhile, in the dining room=-

"Truth, Jariel? Have I ever deceived you?" Fleur asked. She didn't like the way this was going, not at all. There had to be a way out of it without him saying what she was so afraid he was about to say.

"You have never, I believe, intentionally deceived me Fleur, but you have kept something from me. Looking back, I should have seen, I should have known," he paused, not wanting to sound arrogant or presumptuous. *Perhaps he had misread her after all and her feelings from the other time did not carry over...*

Just as he dared to hope, she crumbled.

"What was I supposed to do, Camen?" Fleur's voice dropped, forcing him to lean closer to make out her words. "I know how you feel about her. Have I ever stood a chance against that?"

The look on his face said it all.

"There. You see?" She wiped tears away as they fell. "What is the point of telling someone that you love them when it is wasted, eh? I had thought, I had hoped that if I was patient," she stopped, silently cursing the Prophets for misleading her.

"I hoped that if I was a good friend to you, that if there was ever a chance there could be more for us, then I would be waiting the day that you were ready. Ready to try to mend your heart the next time she broke it."

"You have been a very good, and very dear friend to me, Fleur Le Marc," Jariel reached across the table and took both of her hands in his. "I thank you for that. But tell me, what kind of friend would I be in return if I allowed you to continue on this way?"

"There is no chance then," Fleur's voice was hollow, her eyes were still tear filled, yet devoid of emotion. "That you could ever love me, just enough to-” She looked down at his hands as they held hers.

"I could be such a good partner to you, Camen. I could help you to walk in the light of the Prophets. Support you at every turn. I speak the truth when I say that no woman could ever," she stopped, choosing her next words carefully.

She'd cast the last of her pride away now; there was no hiding the truth any longer. She was going to say everything she had ever wished she could say to him right here and right now.

-=In the doorway=-

Liis couldn't make out what Jariel was saying...if only he had been speaking a little louder.

*Wait a minute. * Her jaw dropped. *SPEAKING? *

It was then that she really thought she would lose it. *How long has he been able to do THAT? And he talks to her, and not me? * Staring still from just beyond the doorway, she watched as Jariel lifted Fleur's hands gently and pressed his lips to them in turn.

She'd had enough.

She knew that she had to keep it together in some fashion, for the sake of her crew. She had to put in an appearance at this party of Zander and Vol's that was due to start soon...what could she do in the meantime to try to vent some frustration?

She trudged far enough down the hall that she would not be disturbing the couple in the galley, and tapped her badge.

"Zanh to Blane."

[Yes, Captain?]

"Thomas, If I take an hour in the training holosuite for target practice, will I set off another one of your damned alarms?" She lowered her voice, grumbling, "I need to shoot something."

There was a pause, and then a smile was evident in the sound of TC's voice. [You won't now, Captain. It's unlocked. Just don't over do it? We're hoping to see you at the party.]

"Oh, don't worry." Liis said, clenching her teeth. "You will."

-=In the dining hall=-

Jariel gently kissed Fleur's hands and it was almost too much for her to take. She pulled them away.

"You must find your happiness, Fleur. Find someone who can care for you without reservation, the way that you deserve. Because you do deserve that."

"I would be willing to live with your reservations, Camen," she whispered, "and I would wait, forever, if there was only the chance,"

He shook his head.

"Do not wait on me. You have your whole life ahead of you, there is too much joy for you to give it up willingly waiting for something that cannot be." He touched her cheek gently. "Don't settle for less than all of someone's love. If you do, trust me, you will live to regret it."

He reached out and grasped her ear. "Your Pagh is strong, Fleur Le Marc. Walk in the light of your own truth, and you will have the life that you dream of."

She clutched his wrist and closed her eyes, wishing he would never let go. She looked at him, leaning closer, thinking if she could only kiss him once...

Jariel extricated his arm from her grip and stood up.

[[I'm so sorry if I've hurt you, Fleur,]] he signed, unable to speak. [[If I have, I promise you it was never my intention, and I regret it more than you know.]] He was speaking now of the life that was then, and the one that was now. [[Just believe me when I tell you that holding on to a part of someone is never enough.]]

Tears continued to stream down her face as she watched him back away from the table.

[[I love you.]] She signed slowly.

He shook his head involuntarily, not wanting to believe she really meant it.

"No, Camen. If nothing else, you will understand this." She spoke aloud again as he turned away. "I love you, and I promise you, just as sure as you are standing there, Zanh Liis will break your heart."

Camen closed his eyes tightly against her words.

Fleur's voice was determined and chillingly grave as she made him a dark prediction, and promise. "She has done it before, she will do it again. And when she does," she paused, lowering her voice once again to a whisper. "I will still love you, and I will still be waiting."

Mlle. Fleur Le Marc
Civilian Crew
USS Serendipity/Alchemy