by -=/\=- Zanh Liis
80728.17
Following Somewhere Only We Know
Soundtrack: Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick
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80728.17
Following Somewhere Only We Know
Soundtrack: Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick
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For the first time in days, Zanh Liis felt as if she could draw enough air into her lungs to sustain her life.
The sensation of hands encircling her throat that had been choking the very soul from her a breath at a time had finally released.
No matter what else she did or did not know to be true of herself, she knew that it was true that she loved Jariel.
She had always, and would always, love Jariel.
Her steps slowed as they approached the main lodge of the Inn, and he turned toward her once again. He couldn't resist the opportunity, and gently pressed his lips to hers in a slow, lingering kiss.
"Where to now?" He asked softly, both of his hands enclosing hers. The sun was sinking lower on the horizon, the afternoon blending into what would soon be, they were both certain, a fascinating evening.
Even though she knew his question was intended to ask about so much more than just her next intended location, she answered it as simply as she could; as if it was only about that.
"I have to go back to the ship for a few hours." She explained regretfully. "I'll have them beam me right back to the Trysts, hopefully before the pre-dinner cocktails are served. Jack Hubbard is due aboard, and I am under medical restriction with orders to check in with Sickbay at least every twenty four hours," Liis was anxious to get her official command rights back, and didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the possibility it could happen sooner rather than later.
"I understand." Jariel gazed at her now with a faraway look in his eyes, one that told her that he was about to say something that he thought was the right thing to say, not necessarily what he wished to say from his heart.
*How well I know the way your mind works...* she thought, as he opened his mouth to speak again.
"Liis, if you'd still rather have your own room, I will find something, somewhere. Or go back and sleep on the ship myself." He didn't want to push her. She had, they both had, been through so much. Each was still in the process of absorbing all that had changed- along with all that had not. "I know that you've still got a lot to consider... feelings, thoughts." He winced involuntarily. "Memories."
She looked down at their hands, still joined, and with eyes shut tightly just listened to the sound of his voice. What a miracle it was, she thought, to be able to hear it again.
"I want to be certain that you have all the time, and all the space, that you need, to-"
Liis laughed with a trace of bitterness, but absolutely no amusement at the idea. "Time. Space." She glanced up at him, brushing a stray curl back from his forehead as the brisk breeze coming from the lake blew it askew.
"I've had far too much of both, Jariel. Too much." She rotated away from him and leaned back, pressing her back against his chest. She was unable to look at him as she continued, but knew that for the good of their future she had to say what she was thinking instead of simply shoving it down, as she'd always done.
She grasped his wrists and brought his arms together around her waist, and Jariel clasped his hands together there, holding her fast.
"There are holes in me, Jariel. Deep, dark holes. I don't know how to fill them in, or even if I'll ever be able to. You have to understand that, before you decide whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with it."
He knew she wasn't finished speaking and so even though his answer was already clear in his mind and heart, he waited patiently for her to finish.
"If you choose that life, the one with me," she swallowed hard before continuing, "Then don't give me space. If you do, I'll only disappear completely down into that darkness."
She tilted her head back, whispering into his ear. His earring brushed against her lips as she did so, and she closed her eyes again. "I am only beginning to realize how much I have to work through. I have to do it on my own, I know that, and it's not going to happen overnight. But if you aren't still somewhere close by, this time," she shook her head.
She hated nothing more than admitting she needed anything, or anyone; but had no choice now to admit to both if she wanted to make it out the other side of the long, black tunnel she was traveling through.
"If you aren't there to remind me what I'm fighting for, I won't be able to climb back out. Not on my own."
"If you're sure that's what you want of me, Zanh Liis," Jariel kissed the top of her head gently. "My hand will always be there, ready to help you hold your balance. I promise you."
Liis turned her head toward him more fully, and kissed him in answer. He squeezed her one last time and then released her, knowing that she had commitments to keep above.
"I'll see you at dinner," he smiled as he held his hand up to shield his eyes from the still bright afternoon sunlight, shining from behind her.
"Yes," A small smile curled her lips at the corners in response. "You will."
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-=/\=-Zanh Liis
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity/Alchemy
-=/\=-Zanh Liis
Commanding Officer
USS Serendipity/Alchemy